We found out by a mutual acquatance first, then I saw him with the OW. Then my husband confronted the WH about it and he(WH) is blaming me. Everyone suddenly hates me and I don't know what to do. my husband is sad but not upset with me. My husband is suddenly the only friend I have. We love our friends and want to see them saved and the marriage saved. My heart aches. How do I cope with the blame of someone elses affair, how do I cope with the broken hearts, how do I explain to my kids what happened(4&7)?

ok, I am confused here. Exactly WHAT are you being blamed FOR and why is your H "sad" at you? What have you done wrong?

My H is sad about the whole situation.. I was trying to say he is not upset with me. When I saw the WH in action, I confronted him. Of course, they are just friends and I was imaging things. The WH told his wife what I saw and turned it around so she is angry with me also. What I did wrong was see our friend, the WH, cheating, and told him it was wrong, and told him I was going pray about it and that I did not know what to do about it. My husband confronted the WH yesterday and told him that he had a choice and that we could not sit idlely by and watch our friends destroy themselves

sadfriend, but you didn't do anything wrong if it's true. Are you CERTAIN they having an affair? If they are really only "friends" then you would in the wrong.

But it is not wrong to catch someone in the act of wrongdoing and confront them about it. It sounds like he is just angry that he got caught and his W is in denial. But you have done the right thing, if, in fact, it was true. But you have to expect that your friend is going to be none happy at being exposed. No one likes getting busted.

I am being blamed for confronting the WH, not keeping my nose out of other people's business, not letting the problems I see since the affair began go. THE WH is claiming I am crazy to smooth things over with his wife

I am being blamed for confronting the WH, not keeping my nose out of other people's business, not letting the problems I see since the affair began go. THE WH is claiming I am crazy to smooth things over with his wife

I am being blamed for confronting the WH, not keeping my nose out of other people's business, not letting the problems I see since the affair began go. THE WH is claiming I am crazy to smooth things over with his wife

I am being blamed for confronting the WH, not keeping my nose out of other people's business, not letting the problems I see since the affair began go. THE WH is claiming I am crazy to smooth things over with his wife

I am being blamed for confronting the WH, not keeping my nose out of other people's business, not letting the problems I see since the affair began go. THE WH is claiming I am crazy to smooth things over with his wife

I know that friends do not kiss with tongue, grab each other's privates/bottoms, etc. Sorry about sending my last reply too many times, I am new at this. Why I am so devasted? I did not do anything wrong.

<small>[ August 19, 2003, 02:51 PM: Message edited by: sadfriend ]</small>

ok, I gotcha. There is nothing you can do about this man. He is reacting just like someone who has been busted. Bank robbers don't love the cops when they get busted. He is guilty and knows it but blames the one who busted him.

That doesn't change the fact that you did the right thing. Your friend will eventually see that you had her best interest at heart and will hopefully calm down. She doesn't WANT to believe it.

And you are devastated because you have lost your friends as a result of his destructive affair. Affairs don't just effect the WH and the BS as you can see. The destruction is very far reaching and others often get caught in the crossfire, ESPECIALLY those like you who have the COURAGE to stand up to wrongdoing.

You are very brave and I admire your courage in doing the right thing. It would been much easier for you to just shut up and sit idly by while he destroyed your friend behind her back. I give you a HUGE pat on the back!

My husband is devasted because the WH is his best friend they went to high school together. We go on family vacations with the WH and wife and kids(used to not now). They are like brothers/sisters to us. How do I explain to my girls (4&7) in a loving Godly manner why we are no longer friends anymore????

Here is another question. I have not personally talked with the wife about this. I feel a heavy burden like I should. I know the WH claims she wants to kill me, but I still feel like I need to talk to her. He claims to have talked with her, but I feel like he was lieing. Should I talk with her, how should I talk to her,... How do I tell one of friends that her H is doing this?? What if she is angry with me?? This sucks

sadfriend, at least now your DH knows what kind of man this is. It is hard to lose a friend, but even harder to find out that your friend is so destructive. I wouldn't say much to the kids. There is always the chance that your friend will wake up some day and come back into your lives. The kids don't need to know the gory details, just that there are personal problems that you are trying to iron out.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sadfriend:
<strong>Here is another question. I have not personally talked with the wife about this. I feel a heavy burden like I should. I know the WH claims she wants to kill me, but I still feel like I need to talk to her. He claims to have talked with her, but I feel like he was lieing. Should I talk with her, how should I talk to her,... How do I tell one of friends that her H is doing this?? What if she is angry with me?? This sucks</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Absolutely, you should talk to her. This is one of the biggest reasons that it is always important to talk to the BS FIRST. The WS will usually spin the truth making you look like the bad guy. It is doubtful your friend knows the truth and her hubby probably told you she was mad in order to keep you away from her. She needs to know the truth and I doubt she is getting that from him.

sad, please also send her to us so we can help her. There is a chance she wont believe you now, but you will have at least alerted her and given her information about a support group.

Thank you for your help. I wrote the BS a letter telling all of what I knew/heard and from the sources. I delivered it to her on Tuesday and I finally feel free of the mess. I know I can expect wicked backlash from the mess but I can finally sleep at night knowing I did the right thing. Since I delivered the letter my family and I went to an amusement park and had a great time and we are all happy again(not with their mess, but with ourselves and each other). I may have lost friends, but I have gained my conscience back

sad, you did the right thing. You really are a good friend. They may not realize it now, but probably will in the future.