Thanks, 2Long, for asking about me. I am amazed somewhat that I can honestly get the feeling that somewhere, somehow I made an impression enough for people such as you to be concerned with my well-being. I think that MB has created quite a few of us like that. Although I don’t post much at all, I pretty much lurk every day for a few minutes and keep a check on y’all….
Anyhow….Life is good.
I am very glad to see of your progress. Hang in there, keep the faith, and maintain your course of action. Sometimes I think that our failure rate in life is not merely because we do the wrong things, or something the wrong way, it’s just that we do not allow our methods the time needed to truly work and have an effect. There’s nothing worse than bouncing around endlessly with different ways to accomplish something.
You chose your way; some probably didn’t see it that way, yet you persevered. That is where true accomplishments lie.
2Long, I have never been better. Honestly. Even though my M wasn’t to be, “I” was. I became a much better person, and it shows. It shows by the way that I treat other people, and especially by the way that other people treat me. The only way that I know how to say it, and a lot may not get the picture or may get offended by it, is this: The end of my marriage was the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. Sounds weird, doesn’t it?
I came out of this phase in my life very educated. I was determined from the onset, though, to do just that.
At 42 I have actually had my first truly enjoyable “dates”. I have had the likes of some which are no comparison to the ones in my earlier years. Sure, some will say that may be due to maturity, but…by the same token…I think that the past 18 months has caused me to grow more than the entire 20 years or so before that. I KNOW what I want now. But…more importantly…I KNOW what I must GIVE.
I’ve recently become more active in my life. I do a lot of volunteer work, and I have begun to enjoy again a lot of the things that I used to years ago. I have rekindled relationships with old friends, and especially become closer to my family than I ever was. I learned that not only are there needs and wants in a romantic relationship, but that carries over to our everyday friendships as well.
Also, of course, building my first new home has kept me on the go. That is something that everyone should go through. No one should be allowed to be immune from that stress. That is a growth adventure as well.
For the first time in my life I have become me. I have become that person that I always wanted to be, and that is the person that I should be. I am no longer afraid to be honest with myself, nor with other people. I learned that although it may not seem that way, that honesty with yourself and others is truly the best gift that one can give. I am much more respectful of people’s feelings. I have learned that even though we are different, we are more alike than we are different. I learned that if we can actually become brave enough to see our true selves, that we become much wiser and are much more able to see others as well.
Currently I am in the beginning stages of a potential relationship. I have dated a little, some for a short period of time, and others for a little longer, but the young woman that I am seeing now has my attention. I have experienced the enjoyment of the simple things with her. I have experienced with her what it is like to have a woman give ME my first rose. That is a story within itself that really touched my heart. I think that the knowledge that I have gained has allowed me to open myself up more, instead of closing myself off like I thought that I would due to my ordeal. I credit that with my knowledge, in that I am no longer afraid of my feelings or desires, because with what I experienced, my counseling, and all the good people here at MB, I now have the proper tools to handle that. I am less afraid than I assumed that I would be because I control me. Funny that a little knowledge can be a BIG asset.
I have discovered that I do not want a relationship in which I feel good. I want one that feels right. If my next relationship is to make me feel good, then I want it to make me feel good about me.
Most importantly, 2Long, is that I have learned that relationships are not 50/50, or 100/100 as some would say. They are merely “give and take”. Some days when my special friend is down, she may need 80% of what the relationship has to offer. Some days “I” may need more that I can give. Her and I have talked extensively about these concepts. She, as much as I, have basically the same philosophy about a lot of things. I cannot begin to count the ways that my relationship with her is different than my old one. The one way that I can tell you is that it is much better than the beginning of any one that I have ever begun. I am not going into this one blind and stupid.
The bottom line is that if one can look up as he is taking his last breath on this earth, and can honestly feel that he has given enough to be satisfied with himself with no regrets, and be happy with that; And that he has received enough to be satisfied with, then the relationship will have been as good as he could have ever hoped for….
……Simple as that….
There is life after divorce. It may be a different life, but all of us have the power to make it a better life if we choose. Granted, we may fight the change, since we as humans have a hard time accepting change, but the aspect of our lives turning for the better instead of for the worse is a reality. All we have to do is grab it and take it. All we have to accept is the growth that awaits us.
It has taken me a long time to learn and realize this. But…some woman out there, if I haven’t already encountered her, is gonna be one happy woman. Sound vain? So be it. She’ll like it, I’m certain. And I have my pain, my growth, especially my Sisters, and everyone here at MB to thank for that. And I do thank all of you. From the depths of my heart.
Here I am, at 42, just starting my life. I am really beginning to live the life that I had dreamed of having. Except it is no longer a dream. It is real, it is fun, it is enjoyable. Took me a long time to accept it….
…..took me 2Long….
I do sincerely hope that everyone here gets everything in life that they want and deserve. It’s there. But…sometimes we have to learn to accept the changes, in way that we do not want them to change. We tend to want things to be different, but we do not want things to change. Sorry…can’t have it both ways. Once one accepts that, life is better.
It is. I can prove it. I have.
HCII
