My H had an EA...and was absolutely convinced a co-worker was his soulmate.
His withdrawal was a couple of months...moody, anxious, sleep problems, crying at times...it was awful.
My H also insisted that the EA was not part of the problem, that our R hadn't been what he wanted for a while (I agreed, it hadn't been great for me either...we needed to improve it a lot). He also said that we didn't connect or communicate like they did. Just take all such statements with a large grain of salt.
Have you read much of the info here on recovery after an affair? In our case, his initial idea was to move out for a while, but we dec ided better to work thru it together. Spending lots of time together during withdrawal helped in our case.
Here is an excerpt on getting thru withdrawal (Harley is writing here to a wayward wife, so you will have to reverse roles):
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">During withdrawal, there is not much your husband can do to deposit love units into your Love Bank. But it still makes sense for you to be together as much as possible. That's because the more you are with him, the less you will be tempted to contact your lover. Try to have lunch together, talk on the telephone several times a day, and be sure to spend evenings and weekends together.
In many cases, I have suggested that a husband and wife go on a three-week vacation together during the first few weeks of withdrawal, just to help the wayward spouse avoid contacting the former lover. I tell these couples not to expect too many love units to be deposited, but by getting away from the reminders of the lover, they find that such a vacation greatly reduces the time it takes for withdrawal. Besides, the distractions of a vacation can often compensate for the depression that accompanies withdrawal, and makes the experience much less painful.
Sometimes a wayward spouse feels like getting away from everyone during withdrawal, and going on the vacation alone. But it doesn't work. It's too tempting to call the lover, and in many cases the lover ends up joining the wayward spouse.
If you go with your husband on this vacation, you will not feel like being very romantic with him. He should expect very little from you, because you will be recovering from your addiction to your lover. It's only after the craving for your lover subsides, and your depression lifts that you will be able to give your husband the opportunity to deposit all the love units it takes for you to be in love with him again.
Of course, your husband must be very careful to avoid making matters worse by saying and doing anything that would upset you. Granted, he may not be very happy about your affair, but if he wants you to love him again, he must avoid withdrawing love units at all costs. He must be with you as much as possible, yet avoid anger, disrespect and demands, which are all Love Busters. He must also be careful to take your feelings into account whenever you make decisions.
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