Hello --

I'm new to this forum, but am in MB counseling.
We are three months post-confession by my H that he had "fooled around" with our child's nanny several years ago. He told me because the nanny's husband was making threatening phone calls to our home.

Of course there's more history, but in a nutshell: I am trying to work my assignments, but I need advice or encouragement. I have filled out the forms, have shared them with H and am working on my plan, but I cannot make love to my husband without feeling just sick. I cannot get what he did out of my mind. I do not want to be with him, but I am here to try because I want what's best for my children. (9 y.o and 14 yo stepson). I do try. I try to have an open heart, I try not to show resentment, but it takes everything for me not to burst into tears and cry after sex. (Sometimes, I do, but I try not to in front of him). I just feel empty. I can tell he is trying in his own way, but I am not feeling any more love for him than I did before.

Our marriage was rocky before his revelation. (I bought MB several years ago -- he never was interested, so I gave up. Then when I stopped caring whether he did MB, he was desperate to do it.)

The night before Thanksgiving, I told him I was struggling badly and couldn't get his infidelity out of my mind. That was a mistake. We ended up in a terrible argument. I just feel so sad.

Anybody who's been down this road have any advice?

Thanks -
Michelle
P.S. Is there a place where I can see what all the acronyms mean? I understand some, but not most of them.

sorry - I can't help w your situation, but acronyms are found at: Indidelity>>Just found out>>acronyms,smilies,ubb codes

I really don't post much any more here for many reasons; however three months is such a short period of time when dealing with infidelity. Give yourself time, don't push yourself and don't punish yourself for not feeling more.

Sorry I can't offer you more. Also MB has always been slow on wkends and holidays. Just keep posting & you will get more replies as time goes on.

Good luck in your journey. Hopeing you find peace & joy.

Michelle.......keep trying. It will get better as time goes on, especially since your husband now wants to try. The rules about arguing are important though. Ya'll must talk. Even though he did not confess until he was up against the wall, he is sorry for what he did, and he will find himself feeling more and more regret for what he did as ya'll talk and he begins to understand how terribly you are hurt. I applaude your concern for your children and you are correct. It is so important for them that you guys work it out. Honesty helps and things will get better with time. Do you have someone to talk to? If not, find a trustworthy soul of the same sex that you can talk to. Your feelings about making love are normal, so don't beat yourself upm over that. Remember, time heals.

Shelly

Betrayal hurts an awful lot and no one can get over the pain in 3 months. It normally takes 6 months to 2 years before the negative effects of the affair are gone. Many people report having flashbacks during love making of the OW or dreams about the A. So, what you are feeling is perfectly normal and totally understandable.

Have you considered finding a marriage counselor that uses MB principles to help with the recovery process?

Keep posting and asking questions. Weekends are slow but come Monday watch out. There are many women that will relate to your situation and will have excellent advice.

Beau