I think i have found who OW is. They say she is usually a person you know. They say she is usually the person you least suspect and usually is the co worker. How gullible i can be. I believe everything he said when i confront him with my suspicion. It is what i dreaded the most and honestly secretly i was praying that it is not her. Now it seemed to fit the puzzle and the suspicion that i had.

What do you do when she is a co worker? I know i am suppose to confront her but then what? Should i tell her to quit her job?

I need to know what to do? I am sitting here at 1.30am going out of my mind.

My old thread

This is what i plan to do.

I will plan a meeting with WS boss. Pull out suspect OW personnel file. See if the old HP fits the no in her file. If it fits then i have found OW. Her old HP is the link that will fit all the puzzle and suspicion that i have.

In the event that it doesn't fit i guess i can still ask her why the hell did she SMS my husband at 12 midnight asking him - u want me to call u?!!!

Also, if she is NOT the OW, then at last the A is now spread open arcoss his work place which i hope will give WS more pressure to end A.

Hi zizzycool

I agree you should expose the A to all concerned, it will help keep things from being in the shadow and pop the fantasy. I just don't know what confronting the OW will do. I doubt that she will tell the truth. Nor asking her to quit would really work. Now if your H is working on the M and doing NC but works with the OW, he should be the one to quit.

Telling the supervisor is one step in exposing the A. But, I don't know if the boss will pull out her personal file. If the OW is married, you could send her H a note telling him that you think his W is having an A with your H.

Plan it out what your going to do. I read some of your posts. I don't think its LB'ing your H telling him its either your or OW. Why live in limbo. Prepare for Plan B, but keep Plan A'ing until you know your love is going.

Difinitly expose the A. As long as it remains a secret the will probably continue to eat his cake.

Well to blunt if any boss or human resource manager shows an employee file to anyone not authorized within the company or properly armed with correct court orders, you could be creating one heck of a mess for the company your spouse works and that could in turn lead to his dismissal not hers.

If her number is listed, you might be able to find it by doing a Reverse Number Lookup.

Zizzy, I've read most of your other posts and you are (understandably) jumping all over the place, deciding one moment to definitely do Plan A, then the next moment changing your mind. This is normal. Your world is in chaos. That is why it is important that you should heed Silverthorn's advice to plan out what you are going to do.

Thanks for all the reply.

This is what i did. I decided to confront WS and tell him what i am planning to do. I do not want him to be caught with his pants down when i do what i plan to do.

I woke up WS at 3.30am and told him what i found out. He denied everything saying that i would only embrassed myself if i did that. He claimed that she was only a friend whom he had confided in about the A. Now this is something he had NEVER told me before. From what i learn he is not the type to confide with anyone and since this A started there are only a few people that he share his feelings with. Also why the hell is a single 21 year old colleague would SMS him at midnight and asking a question like that. And how the hell does SHE know he needs her to call him because there were no calls in or out with her number on the hp. Lies lies that is what i think.

I am not going to ask to see colleague's personnel file. I am only going to ask the boss to check if the old HP no that i have matches the number in her personnel file. I will explain what to him what had happen and i am sure he understand. If it does NOT match, well, i guess i am going to be embrassed but i am willing to take that risk.

But if it matches, then that will be a problem. I would insist that she resigns. I know the boss has no choice because my WS is like the right hand man to his boss. Boss depend on WS. While 21 year old colleague is only a sales executive and the company can easily replace her with another. If the company won't ask her to resign than i will...I will make it impossible for her to work in that place. Eventually i will tell all my husband colleague what has been going on. There is no way she can hid her face after that.

Now husband still denies it is her. I gave an alternative plan. I told him if it is not her than give me the real OW name and i promise i will not hunt her down. I told him this is like a commitment to end the A. I ask him for two months of Non contact and absolute commitment to try. If at the end of the 2 months, he still feels in love with OW than i will walk away myself. I told him, this will save the embrassment if really colleague is not OW and i get his commitment of trying to save this marriage. And the answer from him is no. He said he is willing to risk the embrassment to his colleague and himself than to give up OW's identity. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Unless of course it is colleague so he is stuck in a check mate anyway.

i am supposed to be in Plan A. No LBing etc etc but the hell...what am i supposed to do? Am i not supposed to expose it all? He has been sitting on the fence for about 1 month and i had to tolerate OW existance!!! Is exposing considered LBing?

I am almost very sure OW is colleague because of the consequence of event that happen before now.

What is a HP?? A bunch of this makes no sense because I don't know what an HP is. What is that?

Zizzy, please cool your jets here. I AGREE that you should expose the affair at work. Yes, it is a lovebuster, but it is a short term lovebuster that reaps a long term gain. You should do everything in your power to expose the affair because that is what will END the affair.

BUT....you need to be sure it is her before you do it and need to confirm it is her before you go to her workplace.

NOW, surely there is some way you can confirm that she is the OW? Can you do a reverse look up on her #? Can you follow him to her house?

I think you are probably right that she is the OW, but like the others said, you can't force the personnell dept to open her files. Lets do some more investigative work first.

HP means Handphone

He left the house after our conversation.

I called him on Hp about 6am and we talk a bit. He did not denied anything anymore.

At 8.45am he called me and told me that his boss is on leave. There goes my plan. He also told me that he has told OW what has happened. Again, OW has no reply whatsoever.

WH told me he is responsible for everything and will handle the problem. What he means by this i do not know.

So now what do i do? Wait until he comes back with an answer, wait until boss comes back on monday or do i go ahead by calling up his other colleague and telling them about the A???

WS also asked me if i wanted to confront OW and i told him no. I think i read somewhere that it is not wise to confront OW coz it will be like stooping to her level.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by zizzycool:
<strong> HP means Handphone

He left the house after our conversation.

I called him on Hp about 6am and we talk a bit. He did not denied anything anymore.

At 8.45am he called me and told me that his boss is on leave. There goes my plan. He also told me that he has told OW what has happened. Again, OW has no reply whatsoever.

WH told me he is responsible for everything and will handle the problem. What he means by this i do not know.

So now what do i do? Wait until he comes back with an answer, wait until boss comes back on monday or do i go ahead by calling up his other colleague and telling them about the A???

WS also asked me if i wanted to confront OW and i told him no. I think i read somewhere that it is not wise to confront OW coz it will be like stooping to her level. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Does this all mean that he is admitting it is the 21 year old coworker?

Zizzy, when you say handphone, is that the same thing as a cellular or mobile phone?

How do you know his boss is on leave?

zizzycool

I wonder what your H mean by he will handle it. Does he mean the way he has been handling it all along. Possiblely hiding it more effectivly. Currently he is not to be trusted at all. He is still in the fog.

This is something you need to ask your H, what does he mean that he is handling it. You do need all the information. It wouldn't hurt to see if the boss is on leave or not. Why expect truth out of someone living a life of lies.

His actions not his words are to be believed.

Again, make sure and have a plan. Think it through. You need to be cool, collected and in charge.

Melody & Silver,

Yes handphone means cellular and mobile phone.

I spoke to him twice this morning. He has not admitted in his own words that she is OW. He has also stopped denying it so i am now sure 21 year old is the OW.

I do not know what plan i have now. Everything is in a mess with this new event. I was in Plan A but now what do i do? Continue with Plan A or go after OW and expose A in the office???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I have contacted a close colleague of WS who is also one of the senior manager there. I told her what has happened and she confirmed that the boss is on leave. I told her the company cannot ignore this because there is an affair going on in their office. They cannot just sit by and let it be. I won't sit quiet about it. Colleague said she will talk to WS first. I also told colleague to inform boss. I also told her that i want OW to resign. I also told her that i will start spreading the news about the A to other colleague eventually.

Yes, i think WS is struggling to hold everything together. He still wants to protect OW but he is feeling the pressure and he knows he cannot hide the A anymore.

I don't know if he will come home tonight.

I don't know what kind of plan i have now. I thought i will just sit back for awhile and see what happens next. If he does come home i will continue to do Plan A.

zizzy, you can still expose the affair. In a CALM, METHODICAL, STRATEGIC manner when you are calm. You can still do all that while in Plan A.

For now, you are right. Please just sit back and take it easy and think things over this weekend. If he shows up you can certainly talk to him about what you know BUT DON'T TELL HIM YOUR PLANS TO EXPOSE THE AFFAIR. You don't want to forewarn him about anything.

In the meantime, can you try and gather as much information about the OW as you can? Who are her parents? Where does she live? With whom?

Okay senior manager is on my side. She confronted WS and he admitted 20 year old colleague (just found out she's not 21, younger now) is the OW.

Senior Mgr says she will not tolerate all this going on in the office. She gave me assurance that one of them has to resign. She said she can't even look at OW now without feeling disgust with her. Score one for me here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I asked Senior Mgr to get more info about her family and she said she will.

WS had not return home since leaving the house this morning nor did he call me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

WS is probably with OW. He must be comforting her when he should be comforting me. But i guess that is the fog effect.

Even if she resigns, it is still not the end of the road yet...right. He still needs to write that NC.

zizzy, you are right, this is not the end of the road, this is just a stop on the way to the end. It's not over by a long shot. But exposing the affair will be a huge step in the right direction. Once everyone knows, it will become more of an embarrassment rather than an exciting secret. Once you remove the secrecy you go a long way in removing the fantasy aura of the affair.

So, just hang in there and gather as much info as you can and continue to do your PLAN A. No lovebusting. He is defensive right now but that will blow over. It would be good to find out who she lives with and contact her parents.

Good job so far. Stay in Plan A. It will be extremely hard not to LB now that you know the truth. Also H will be furious with you, so prepare for that.

So prepare yourself now. When I found out about all the lies, I flipped out and LB'd big time. It hurt my cause. So start practicing what you are going to say. Pretend you are talking to a crazy person.

zizzy, if you want to throw him completely off balance, be sweet as pie when he gets home.Ask if you can make him some dinner or rub his feet! He will be expecting the exact opposite and won't be prepared for a nice response. Now is a very critical time to STICK TO your Plan A becasue you could easily push him towards the OW at this point. Just play it cool and quietly work on exposing the affair.

I would take one step from Mel's suggestion and after you 'rub' his feet, get dressed and go out. Not with him. Go visit a friend, meet someone and go to the movies. Leave the children with him for the evening. Just take him to the point where he starts to feel good or guilty about your kind acts and then leave before he starts to descend into the depths of the foggy headed WS. NO A talk, don't mention the OW, just small talk, family talk then pleasantly excuse yourself. Don't give details of where you are going.

See you gave him some of your nice time, then it is time he see you have some of yours. Plan on the fact that he will go to the OW maybe even directly from your home. The point is when he leaves he will leave with a question about you and your activities. This question will linger in his mind even when he is with the OW. The OW may now become suspicious and this will be to your advantage. I learned that the more questions I left in the WS mind and he transfered that fear to the OW the more time they spent on talking about me and less about then. Well while that hurt it also kept them from having A fun. So I was able to get both of them to LB each other without even having to be there.

I do know this happened because I read the e-mails later and saw the red flags OW was sending up telling the WS to be careful that 'Orchid' was being too composed and now must be up to something. OW even put the WS on a mission to find out just what I was up to. LOL!!!! Then she started to speculate and boy does she have a wild imagination. But I also used that to my advantage and the relief it brought to me was priceless. It didn't stop the A immediately but it definitely had a major part in stopping it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

JMHO,
L.

Zizzy,

I am in the same boat and same situation. I even know who she is. She is his freind;s wife with 2 little kids. Now the problem is that should I confront him, how and when. I don't want to push him away. Should I contact her husband to develope a plan?