With as much pain and heartache as we have in our lives and this room I think that it is about time that we have something in here that adds fun and enjoyment to our lives (Something we all could use a little more of) Have fun and maybe a great laugh. Please post as many as you wish. Thanks, Glenn

I'll start the ball rolling.

Sorry ladies I just thought this funny

God rested

In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
-----------------------------------------------

And one for the ladies

Brain



Husband : U know dear, our son got his brain from me.
Wife : I think he did, I've still got mine with me!

OKAY< IAM NOT GROWING OLD>> just a LITTLE joke!! An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone
> to report that

> her car

> >has been broken into. She is hysterical as she

> explains her

> situation to

> >the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the

> steering

> >wheel, the

> >brake

> >pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The

> dispatcher said,

> "Stay

> >calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes

> later, the

> officer

> >radios

> >in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat

> by mistake."

I have a friend who sends me the winners from the Washington Posts' annual word and definition contests.

Winners from readers in which they are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words.

1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.

AND

Winners from readers in which they are asked to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing only one letter, and supply a new definition.

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

Giraffiti: Vandalism painted very, very high.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit)

Karmaggeddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

This year's big winner:

Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an *******.

A MALE BLONDE JOKE (these don't happen very often... so don't expect another one soon! )

A Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots. So the sheriff arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up he asks "Why in the world are you dressed like this?"

Cowboy says "Well it's like this Sheriff... I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her... and I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt, so I did... Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants, so I did... Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts, so I did... Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of funny and says, "Now go to town cowboy"...

So, here I am. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ January 29, 2004, 01:55 PM: Message edited by: Drucilla ]</small>

I got one. Stop me if you've heard it.

A baby seal walks into a club.....

These are just getting too funny.

These are pretty funny....