Hi gang,

Thanks for the replies to my other post.I honestly hadn't planned on coming back to MB for a while since I was going to file for D next month.I had had enough.I may not have waited a year but 5 months was wearing on me.

So,this weekend was going to be my time to tell WH where my heart was and he in turn had left a few messages on my recorder saying he was looking forward to seeing me,missed me and wanted to talk,etc.We had not seen eacother since 12/29.I decided to stick around the home because we had to go to my nieces b-day party anyway.So I was technically breaking Plan B but it was time to have "the" talk.

Well,last night we talked for hours.WH says he is greatful that I waited for him all this time,that he needed the time to decide what to do and he also said he needed the time to get over the"addiction".He apologized for everything many times.He said he has missed me all this time(while in Plan B) and wanted very much to tell me that he loves me and was "terrified" that he was going to lose me/the family and wanted to make the right decision.He broke down sobbing and grabbed me for a hug.

I asked him well what is different now for you and he said that he loves me and doesn't want to break up the family,he wants to end the other relationship and reconcile.He is going to talk to our counselor about how to best break things off with the OW and we also talked about the NC letter per Dr.Harley.At first he wanted to tell her in person when she was going to be in town again in a couple of weeks but thankfully,he came to the conclusion *himself(before I mentioned it) that that was not the right way to stop the A.It would be hurtful to me and he realized that he has to take the pain on that one versus putting me through more pain by seeing OW again.

So,I am very skeptical of course and also I am not sure what to think.WH has been very happy looking,knows that he needs to do to"end the other relationship" and wants us to work on our marriage but I told him to be absolutely sure that this is what he wants and that he is willing to go through whatever it takes to repair our marriage because if I find out that he is still in contact with the OW after presenting me with this new found sincerity,that is it.No more chances.I told him he needs to get help,and have support and have plans in place to ensure that he will not be in contact with that person again,meaning changing cell phone numbers,e-mail passwords or giving me all that info.

My daughters have been very happy at seeing us talking again and even holding hands briefly but don't worry,I am keeping my guard up and the walls have not come down.I am very aware that this might backfire on us both bigtime but I am willing to hold off on a D to see if he is true to his word.We have A LOT more to talk about if and when he does do NC to the OW so we are cautiously approaching eachother right now on what we want in our marriage.But we also both agreed that is was really good to talk again and that we appear to want the same opportunity for us to have a better marriage.

So,that's my update.I guess I'll be over in Recovery soon hopefully but then again I may be back here posting with tears in my eyes again.We shall see.If all goes well,then I will be touting my respect and approval of the Plan B approach.I really have done well in it and based on my WH reactions to it,it affected him in the right way.WH has come to realize the importance(again) of his family and that he might have ended up alone.He is looking to find work close to home aggressively and he said a few things to me that make me feel as though he understands that work is work but family is special.

I said,if you died tomorrow,would you look back on your life and say."Wow, I did a great job as a husband and father and I was there for my wife and kids when they needed me" or "Wow,I worked my tail off 24/7, made dozens of movies but I was not there for my wife and children".Hmm.I think we have become the priority again perhaps? A good MB friend gave me that scenario.Thanks devastated dad.

The saga continues.

O <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

octobergirl -

It is so good to hear from you again. You have helped me so much, I was very upset that you were about to give up.

Yes, keep your guard up. But also read and reread the home page "quick clicks" about how A should end, overcoming resentment, restoration, and reconciliation.

You may have to help him through this (yeah, I know, what a drag). But you are the one with the plan. He has none. Right now you need to step up to save your marriage. Guide him back to you and family.

Hi believer,

Thanks for your support.You know,I can't say enough about Plan B.It has just helped me so much.Even if WH comments to me last night turn out to be some kind of dream and he falls back to his lying and cheating again,I can honestly say that I am strong enough to let go.

I feel that WH is a little overconfident in his willingness to end the contact(and I am going to talk to him later about this) but I will be there for him if he is truly remorseful and this is what he wants for us.He has a large group of family and friends that are willing to help him if he follows through.I told WH I will not be put through that torture again so he better be absolutely SURE about ending all contact.

I am going to get out all my books(reread too) and have them handy for if/when we begin this LONG process known as recovery.My WH sees our counselor on Monday and I may just go with him.We'll see.That may happen next time.I may just get him to post here too for support.That would be interesting. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


How are you holding up in your Plan B?? I think you said in the other post that you were right behind me(D)but now I have had a change in plans,as they say.Hope you are well.

O

Octobergirl-

Read all of the information here. Don't expect him to be truly remorseful right away. You must lead him and guide him back to the marriage and family.

Everyone says that the recovery part is the hardest. So be prepared.

I am doing well in Plan B, once I got back into it. My days are all good now.

Hi jazzey girl,

Thanks for checking in.I'm sorry that my last post got you down.I certainly do not advocate going to D unless that person is sure that is the right choice for them.I did decide sooner than maybe was advisable but that was where I was at.And it is almost as if WH got "wind" of my feelings because I could hardly believe our conversation last night. I am still wondering if I am dreaming or if he is serious.We have SO much more talking to do now and after the NC letter goes out.Like believer said,I am going to slowly guide him back to our marriage as best I can but I am also going to be extra cautious and stand my ground.

WH has hardly been able to keep his hands off me and keeps saying I love you but I had to put a stop to that pronto because I am not ready and it's not really appropriate right now,I mean he hasn't actually ended the A just yet so I am making him keep his distance.Also,he bought me a beautiful bunch of long stemmed red roses and some chocolates,something he hasn't done in a long time.That felt good! So,it is turning out to be something of a good Valentine's Day afterall.

I hope yours is a good one too!

O <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I am soooooooo HAPPY for you Octgirl!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Keeping my fingercross for you. If yours works than it will give me hope too!

Keep us update. I really really want to know what happens next. I know not every situation turns out the same but at least a success story is a good ending. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi ziz,

Thanks for your post.I hope to be happy again one day too but not quite yet.I can't give myself away again so easily.I am going to be very careful and make sure this is all for real.

But,stay tuned.I will be posting frequently if this does go well so other's will have a postive story to hope and "learn" by. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hang in there!

O

Hi Folks,

Just thought I would post an update.WH and I had an interesting weekend.We talked a lot and my WH went to see our counselor yesterday to tell him about his desire to reconcile with me and start planning for joint counseling sessions.

WH was very sweet to me.He said how much he loves me,is sorry for what he's done,that he was such a fool and that he doesn't want to hurt me anymore.He said my kisses were like gold and that he wants us to have a better marriage and is excited at the prospect.

SO,based on WH *actions during the past few days,I did my best to fill up his love bank with lots of affection,family commitment and conversation,etc.We went out to dinner and had lots of family time.Both our families now know that we are onto the road for recovery.My WH is going to be sending out the NC letter in the next day or two and I am going to proof read it first before it goes out so we can make an necessary changes.WH said he has "no desire" to call OW and is very clear in his mind about what he wants to do.He didn't call OW all weekend(4 days) which for him is a plus.He devoted his time and heart to us,his family,this weekend.

Of course I am still cautiously optimistic.The true test will be the withdrawal stage and the honesty.I know this OW is going to be unhinged at this NC letter.She does not have any idea what my WH has been feeling over the past few weeks/month so she is in for a suprise.I have a feeling that based on what WH told me,reality did indeed interupt the fantasy yet again.OW has family and work issues going on so that helped dispell any "unique" qualities that she may have had.

It's still hard for me to believe.If this all turns out to be truth,my WH has rapidly come out of the fog versus slowly peeking his head out.That also makes me suspicious but then again,he may have just come to the realization faster than others.

So,hang in there Plan B'rs.There is hope.

O <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Octobergirl -

Sounds hopeful. After I spent a couple hours talking to WH awhile back, I realized he was no where near willing to try. It was all just talk.

Yours sounds more promising. Good luck, and keep us posted.

<small>[ February 17, 2004, 01:27 PM: Message edited by: believer ]</small>

Hi believer,

Yeah.WH talks a good talk but can he walk a good walk,THAT is the question.I am still guarded though.I told him that the best way to help each other,especially me,is to remember the old adage" "actions speak louder than words" and to live by that for the next few months at least.

O <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

If this all turns out to be truth,my WH has rapidly come out of the fog versus slowly peeking his head out.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

When Mr. Pep got de-fogged ...

... it was fast.

And he never felt better ... he once more had respect for his decisions.

"I'll do whatever it takes for as long as it takes to make this right."

Look for that attitude.

Congratulations!

Pep

Thanks Pep.

I feel so....HONORED to have finally received a response from you,oh wise one! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I am not going to take my bow just yet.I think I will feel like I am finally on my way once the PBL is out,has been received by OW and the proverbial 3 weeks of withdrawal have passed.Then maybe I can exhale.LOL

O

Originally posted by Octobergirl:
finally received a response from you,oh wise one!

My bifocals saw this ... "old wise one" ... LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />