In my situation my H had an affair for 6 weeks. He just ended it and we are in counseling. He has told me he doesn't want to get a divorce and wants to try to work on our marriage so he has no regrets. Also that we are expecting our first son. It has only been five days since this began and he states he wishes he could just turn it off (the feelings for the OW). I know we can't get past this and work on things until that is over. My question is since he will never know what it would be like with her realisticlly for a long period of time, thinks it is love, and wants to know if he is making the right choice. Will he get over her? In your experience how long does it take? He has to work with her for 5 more weeks. He has committed to only dealing with her through work. I hope he sticks to it. I can't control that.

durham, sorry for what you're going through. After I began to find out the truth slowly, starting on 1/8/04, it was 6 weeks before OW was finally gone from my Hs business. By the end of the 6 weeks I could feel the toll it was taking. I just want to tell you a few things. If you can, talk to him often during the day. And unfortunately this realization was a biggy for me. Withdrawal really didn't begin for us until she was out of there. I thought it was happening while she still worked for him because they stopped all intimacy, but until the reality of her not being there hit him, withdrawal didn't begin.

Maybe it will be easier in your case because my H worked with her for 5 yrs. in a small business environment, and the A went on from last April or May. Just take care of yourself and your baby. And come here to vent. It has saved me. People here are great! CV

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by durham76:
<strong>He has committed to only dealing with her through work. I hope he sticks to it. I can't control that. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But, you can have MORE control over it by insisting he write a NC letter. It speaks volumes if he won't.

Durham, do I need to get tough with you????

Until he takes this step, he is committed to NOTHING! He may say he's committed and he may actually mean it, for a while.

What a properly written NC letter accomplishes is that it motivates WS humbleness just by writing it, it provides firmer confirmation for the BS, and it avoids any misunderstood communication with the OP (other person).

Further, it affords an opportunity for exposure to the OP's spouse. He has a right to know. Wouldn't you like to know? Think of this - he may already know and hasn't had the courage to tell YOU! How does that make you feel?

What has your counselor said about this?

WAT

<small>[ March 23, 2004, 09:57 AM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>