Been seeing a few postings about 'controlling' OWs. Well this can go both ways but several characteristics stand out so I thought to start this thread.
It's primary purpose is to help BS' identify what they are up against when dealing with the A and how to become skillful in using this knowledge to the BS' advantage. Please share your knowledge, experiences and suggestions.
Here's mine:
Is your OW a controller? Does she display signs of insecurity? Is she trying to take the BS' identy? Is the OW pretending to help the WS but in reality trying desparately to replace the BS and family?
If so, how can a BS use this info to their advantage? 1. When the BS has reached the stage where the shock of the A has worn down a bit, get strong enough to push the WS to the OW.
2. How does an OW show signs of insecurity? Some OWs try to implement a type of plan A. They generally don't do it well because a true plan A is not alien adaptable. Don't stop this. It generally will die it's own natural death.
3. As for helping the WS go back to their family under false pretenses, have no part in the OWs ideas. Some OWs proclaim to others how many attempts they have made to send the WS home. In reality it was a bluff. As a BS, don't fall for that bluff. If a OW tries to send the WS home, wonder why and maybe send him back. The yoyo techinique can work. Not in all cases but you can get a feel for how to use it.
4. Don't let the OW play let's make a deal. Some OWs need a break from the WS also or they may want a stronger commitment. But the OW may try to put the blame of it all on the BS or try to make it look like the OW is doing her 1 good deed for the year. Don't fall for such antics.
In other words, let the OW trip up on her own. Don't get excited when a OW or OP rejects the Ws. Recovery is much slower when the OP breaks up with the WS.
How does this help the BS? Knowing the above, the BS can be prepared. Not take the WS back too soon. Lessen the false recoveries.
Hope others join in. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
L.
