according to SH, he says that probably all the interested parties in my case know about the A. my parents, sister, and a 2 aunts know. but i've only talked about it to my mom and my sister. the only person i know that knows there's someone else in my H's family is his mom. I know that the OW's parents know but not sure how much of her extended family knows or even her friends/coworkers. they probably do because she's probably telling them my H is going to D me and then they can be together forever.

SH says and my mom agrees that what i need to be doing now is painting a good picture of myself for my H and that "exposing" to anymore people wouldn't probably help me. all my H's "friends" and co-workers, classmates, whatever supposedly have been telling him to leave me for quite some time and don't think that he should even see or talk to me anymore.

so again i guess my question is what have any of you experience w/delayed exposure? let's say for hypothetical reasons 2 months down the road, i told everybody we (me, H, OW) know about the A and that i'm going to fight for our M. i know some people are firm believers in exposing to a lot of people (mostly those w/influence) but right now SH, my mom, and God is telling me not to do anymore exposing. i can't honestly say who would even have an influence on my H or the OW, especially while their in the fog.

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Hi RR,

At some point there is no more benefit to telling anymore people about an A.It sounds as though several do know in your situation so far.

The people that I thought might have the strongest influence on my WH have yet to be successful,that is my WH family.They have all been against my WH A the entire time and have even been on "my side" more than WH even though he is their son.But as WS's do,they rationalize and justify their painful,selfish behavior until they actually believe what they say is truth(this becomes their new reality) and then NO ONE,not even God I think can get through to some of them.My WH is one.

So,I haven't actually had experience with *delayed exposure but I really still think that exposure works best at the very beginning before the A can really grows roots.Exposing my WH A right away to all families at the very least helped me cope knowing I had their support.

O

thanks O for the reply. i'm still torn about doing it but will talk to SH again about it tomorrow. as far as roots growing, i'm afraid they had already took a firm hold before i ever found out. hence my post about when the OP is single and no children are involved.

Hi again,

I think I posted to you about that other topic too.

As you probably already know,when our S's are in their affairs,they are in fantasy land and don't always have the opportunity to see what it would really be like actually living with the OP and making a go of it.So they are just as deaf to the discussions we have with them as they are to anyone else trying to "educate" or getting them to "see" that what they are doing is wrong.

So a thousand people could be told about the A but what difference would it actually make? Their mentality is "us against the world".Until the WS actually sees for *himself the detrimental effects on his marriage and family,it's hard to think that anyone can get through.I'm not sure if this helps answer your question.

O