My H has been having an EA for several months. I just found out and he is still sleeping in bed and at times acting like nothing has happened. Yet, he is still spending time talking to her on the phone! It is driving me crazy!! I just don't know what he wants! Any help?!

Surely he is not talking on the phone to her from YOUR HOME? You aren't allowing that, are you?

No, we have a $500 cell phone bill though!

I can TOTALLY relate. I found out in November, and after the initial shock wore off, and I went into hard core Plan A, my WH acted like it was just another day at home. We did not have Relationship talks (as this is a no-no in Plan A). I worked my fanny off to shut my damn mouth (even thought I knew my WH was talking to slut whore at work via e-mail, via his cell phone, instant messages, chat, etc). One of the things he noted as far as unmet needs was an unwillingness to do things just to please him, so I would cook him breakfast in bed on Sundays, or during football season, cook up a multitude of his favorite finger foods for snacks while watching the game. Worked my butt off cleaning, etc. And another need he has was a need for respect and admiration...so while I knew this man had an affair, was still having an EA, I was spending each morning in prayer asking God to show me something I could respect or admire in this man. And there were still often things, so I would try to express that without kissing his butt.

And each and every night I would absolutely SUFFER as I would lie down in bed...knowing that he did not want to cuddle...did not want to be there, was dreaming of her...and it hurt so, so, so, so bad.

In fact, I had been choking down so much of what I was feeling in the whole A situation with him still at home, that when he finally decided he needed to move out and get some space and "perspective" I felt relieve....I could breath...if I wanted to cry I could...I could shield myself from all the pain...and I did not have to lie down next to a man that I knew full well was still actively betraying me and our wonderful children.

I can totally relate to where you are...and man, did I need God during that phase of this A nightmare.

My prayers are with you!

Gotta love those astronomical cell phone bills. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> We had those too although now WH knows that if he goes over his minutes he is just draining money away from our account so that has stopped,at least the serious overages.

If you are just starting out then welcome to MB,a great source of information to help you through Infidelity.Read up on all the concepts here,especially Plan A and get yourself a profile.Spend some time reading the posts here to get an idea of how we are all dealing with this ourselves and keep posting back here for support.

Also get the books:'Surviving an Affair' and 'His Needs Her Needs' by Dr.Harley.

O

<small>[ April 12, 2004, 11:00 AM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>