I can TOTALLY relate. I found out in November, and after the initial shock wore off, and I went into hard core Plan A, my WH acted like it was just another day at home. We did not have Relationship talks (as this is a no-no in Plan A). I worked my fanny off to shut my damn mouth (even thought I knew my WH was talking to slut whore at work via e-mail, via his cell phone, instant messages, chat, etc). One of the things he noted as far as unmet needs was an unwillingness to do things just to please him, so I would cook him breakfast in bed on Sundays, or during football season, cook up a multitude of his favorite finger foods for snacks while watching the game. Worked my butt off cleaning, etc. And another need he has was a need for respect and admiration...so while I knew this man had an affair, was still having an EA, I was spending each morning in prayer asking God to show me something I could respect or admire in this man. And there were still often things, so I would try to express that without kissing his butt.
And each and every night I would absolutely SUFFER as I would lie down in bed...knowing that he did not want to cuddle...did not want to be there, was dreaming of her...and it hurt so, so, so, so bad.
In fact, I had been choking down so much of what I was feeling in the whole A situation with him still at home, that when he finally decided he needed to move out and get some space and "perspective" I felt relieve....I could breath...if I wanted to cry I could...I could shield myself from all the pain...and I did not have to lie down next to a man that I knew full well was still actively betraying me and our wonderful children.
I can totally relate to where you are...and man, did I need God during that phase of this A nightmare.
My prayers are with you!
