Since my H affair I have had several men approach me. My values are that I am a married woman and I dont care how good I look or what my circumstances are...stay away from me!

For years and years I have always gone into the corner store to get a diet coke. Every single day I go in here. When we were seperated the clerk behind the counter noticed my mood changes and caught me on them. He also noticed I would sometimes walk in with sunglasses on...crying. Well, the guy finally figured it out...and he said something about it. I just walked out of the store...this guy had NEVER hit on me. I NEVER show any interest in ANY guy, seperated or not. Well, I walked into this store one day and my wedding band was off my finger. I took my ring off for ONE day and ONE day only. I didnt' feel good with it off, so I put it back on. Then next day H moved back home.

I go into this store and the guy says "oh, I notice your ring is back on your finger, are you and H working things out" and I replied "yes we are"...I had the ring off ONE DAY! Then the last comment he made to me was "where have you been, I haven't seen you around" I said "i've been in here every single day" he said "oh, well, ever since you put that ring back on your finger, you have avoided me...one of the girls even said 'where's your girlfriend'" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> That was the last day I was in that store. That was about a week ago. H went into the store on Saturday for me. It is a shame as the large 44 oz cokes are only .42 whereas just down the street they are $1.30...but not worth it.

So then today, I get a phone call on my cell phone while I am in target looking at panties. I answered the phone and the conversation goes like this...

me: hello

caller: hello, is this K?

me: yes

caller: oh, how are you doin'?

me: fine

caller: oh, well, this is D, the guy who hung up your christmas lights for you last year....

me: yeah

caller: umm, well, ummm, I was wondering if maybe you would want to get togehter for coffee one day

me: why?

caller: umm, well, ummm, just to, umm, talk...ummm, I am a massage therapist and ummm

me: oh no, that's ok no thank you

caller: oh well, we could just talk and ummm, have coffee and ummmm

me: no thank you, that's ok...

I hang up...I called my H immediately and told him about it. He was not happy. He asked for the guys phone number and called him back.

Now why on earth would this guy call me out of the blue and ask me out for coffee? Last time I saw this guy, was in January, I hadn't lost any weight yet and the A was only just starting. H thinks this guy saw me out and about and also heard thru the grapvein about the affair.

What is WRONG with people. going after a MARRIED woman. Oh, well there is trouble, lets move on in. And this guy at the store...he gives me the creeps! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I spoke to SH and he said that I did the perfect thing today with the phone call. Immediately calling my teammate and teling him. H said it made him SICK!

<small>[ April 23, 2004, 09:30 AM: Message edited by: momto3boys ]</small>

tell us more about how the counseling is going w/SH, if you feel you can share that is. as to an answer to your question, i have no idea what's wrong w/people. continued prayers to you.

Geez Mom, it's like that Seinfeld episode where Elaine and Jerry help to break up a couple and then try to date them!! Gawd.

I don't know what it is, but I found the same thing, mom. It was like guys sniffed a vulnerable woman and moved in for the kill. When my last H left me in May of 1999, I had several guys ask me out within 3 weeks! I am now married to one who asked me out 3 weeks after my H left. I ended up marrying that one 4 months after my divorce was final.

I saw Seinfeld on 60 minutes a few years ago, while the show was winding down. The host asked him "the characters you all play on that show aren't the most respectable, are they?" Seinfeld replied "Heck no, they're despicable!"

But that episode would even have made me puke.

My W saw RM last week. I knew she was going, and sent him an email, edited by Penny, just before they got there. Among the entirely appropriate things I said 2 him was "Please end contact permanently". He printed out the email and handed it 2 her when she got there. She didn't tell me about it until yes2rday. At least ol' 2long finally learned enough by being here since the ground was still warm 2 the touch that I KNEW he had done that as soon as I saw her when she got home Sunday.

-ol' 2long

Mom,

Do you live in a small town? I thought I remembered you mentioning that in a previous post but maybe not.

Anyway,I live in a small but affluent town and it seems that everyone knows everyone elses business because so many people know so many people.I am a private person and don't spend too much time talking about personal issues so I think that is why they haven't picked up MY scent and started talking about the woman whose husband is cheating on her,etc.Everyone loves a gossip story.

As for the man in the store,it sounds to me like he just has old fashioned bad manners.Inappropriate statements seem to come out all the time with people like that.Strangers become like "family" to store owners who like to claim that they "know" you and are flirting with you.They shake your hand just a little too long,look at you just a little too long,try to pry out information about you,make feeble attempts at jokes,stuff like that.Ick.Sometimes I feel like I can chit chat if the person seems ok but other times it feels smarmy.

That's why I love my 7 acres of land,privacy.The older I get,the more reclusive I feel.Sometimes I just don't want to deal with the general public,know what I mean?
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

O

O---I live in a small town compared to what I am used to. BUT, H works in a town with only 1200 poeple in it...we have approx 200,000 or more...I dont know...I am from San Antonio, so anything under a mill is small to me...

This guy came to my house this mroning. It was about 8:30 and the door bell rang. I thought, who is ringing my bell at 8:30 in the morning. I approached the door then stopped. I noticed the door was unloced, so I locked it real quick. Then went into the study to watcgh out the windown. It was him. The guy who called me yesterday. I called my H and he called the guy. In which case the guy said he didn't appreciate these accusations!

Why would this guy come to my house at 8:30 in the morning when I told him flat out that I would not meet him for "coffee" and my husband told him that "we" are not interested...Why would he come to my house knowing full well, my H is probably NOT home but at work. What should I make of this? Should I call the police? I am really scared. This guy is creepy. I remember when he hung the lights that he was a bit strange.

My friend just asked me "isn't he married" I have no idea if he is married. What does that matter?

RR, I'll start a new topic about our sessions with SH...they are going well. I cant wait to meet him next week! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Yikes Mom!

I feel like going to make sure MY door is locked now LOL

I guess word got out through the grapevine about what my WH was up to too. Because some guys have hit on me. Some even starting flirting with me BEFORE I stopped wearing my wedding ring (in January but put it back on a few days ago). I especially was repulsed by the ones who flirted with me even though I was still wearing my rings. What do they think? That if my WH and I end up divorced why would I be interested in ANOTHER ADULTERER?!? Sheesh!

<small>[ April 23, 2004, 10:05 AM: Message edited by: meremortal ]</small>

thanks mom for starting a new thread about your sessions, i think it will be very helpful to others as well as yourselves. prayers to you.

2Long,

When I read this, it made me wonder if there can be any recovery for my WH and I...

"I saw Seinfeld on 60 minutes a few years ago, while the show was winding down. The host asked him "the characters you all play on that show aren't the most respectable, are they?" Seinfeld replied "Heck no, they're despicable!"

My husband REALLY liked that show. I thought the 3 main characters were childish, selfish jerks. They were very clique-y (SP?) but no sense of true friendship, loyalty or concern for even their closest friends (each other). He got angry with me the few times I commented on what I thought of the characters. My husband's family is a lot like those characters, especially my husband and the sister he's closest with. His family is extremely clique-y to the point of taking every opportunity to exclude their spouses and even children as not really being part of the 'family'... Family get-togethers for them are a string of comments and activities meant to let us know we aren't really part of their clique. And no matter how long you're married or what you stand by your spouse through, you never will be let in to their little circle. They are also very immature in the popular-kids-at-school kind of ways: making fun of people because they are poor or not physically attractive, putting-down and making fun of their spouses to each other, crude insults and name-calling if you try to have an intelligent debate with them.

I don't see my husband ever defending me and our daughters with his family, or even giving us any attention or respect while in their presence.

So I don't know if recovery will be possible for us.

mom,

to go back to the guy at the door thing,yeah,that IS scary.It was inappropriate for him to show up without a reason for him to be there,like if he was a plumber.

If you have used him before as a handyman or whatever,don't do that anymore.If he does show up again I would notify the police.AND always keep your doors locked.There is no town that is safe enough to do this IMO especially with 3 little boys at home.

I don't remember if you said you had a dog but I do(she's a border collie) and she is a great watchdog.Anyone even steps foot on our property and she hears them and goes running,protecting her turf.She doesn't attack but she will let strangers know that they are not welcome! She hears things that I can't imagine anyone hearing so I always have a warning from her if someone is on our land or nearing the home.Just an idea.

O

[q]I don't see my husband ever defending me and our daughters with his family, or even giving us any attention or respect while in their presence.

So I don't know if recovery will be possible for us. [/q]

MM, my husbands family is very different from mine. I didn't get along with them for years and don't agree with many of their beliefs. However, it didn't prevent us from recovering. And actually things have greatly improved with my standing in his family - even though we are all still very different people.

As far as your husband 'defending' you and his children. Well, I do understand your issue there - you want to feel protected - I felt the same way about my H and his family. However, I learned somewhere along the way that it really isn't up to my H to defend me to his family. I'm an adult fully capable of defending myself and fully capable of walking away (or completely avoiding) any uncomfortable situation.

Anyway, I would just caution you from picking out pieces of a Seinfeld episode and using that to plant seeds of doubt to your situation. They're apples and oranges. And for the record I think Seinfeld is funny (although it gets old) but I certainly don't actually live my life that way (FAAAAR FROM IT!).