Well here goes my story. In Dec I found out my husband has been having EA with a lady online. They also have met 3 or 4 times. She lives in South Carolina we live in Maryland. I asked him lots of questions and also snooped at his emails and pretty much they did everything but have sex. He also told this lady he loved her. The thing is he never told her he was married or has 2 kids. He was sure he wanted to leave me said he loved me but didn't love me like a husband should. Said that she has feeled a need that was missing in our marriage... We are very different and she is so much like him. Finally after long conversations of yelling and crying he agreed to continue to try to make this marriage work. He told the lady about us and she was very upset but she forgave him quick and soon they started talking again daily. I am so frustrated because it seems like the more I talk to him about ending contact because it isn't right the more he withdrawls from me and acts like what he is doing isn't wrong. He says they are just friends now but how am I suppose to know there will be nothing more? I am also 3 months pregnant so it's not easy to just give up on him when I love him so much. I know our marriage could be better I know there is things I could improve but I feel he hasn't even given us a real chance without her being there for his emotional needs.. It hurts so much because I am longing for his attention and here he is talking and sharing things with her. He told me to be patient that he will eventually end things. That she is hurt also and he wants to just make sure she will be ok. I have talked to her she was ok the first time. But 2 weeks ago I emailed her and asked her why she continues to talk to my husband knowing he is married.. She says she is not trying to pursue things got very angry with me and told me she is putting me on ignore. I know my husband talks to her at his job and also buys phonecards to talk to her. He has told me many of times he stopped talking to her then a few days later goes back to it again. I really don't know what to do.. I have talked to him begged him to stop this with her but it seems nothing works. How long does it take to stop all contact? I know they can't see each other since we live 10 hrs away but still I don't want them talking after they couldn't keep it friendly before. He seems so distant... Only tells me he loves me if I tell him.. I ask him if he still wants to leave he says I told you I will give this another try. So any advice???

<small>[ April 23, 2004, 01:28 PM: Message edited by: SadMarylandLady ]</small>

Read about LB's and EN's. He is getting EN's met by her that you could be meeting, and the LBs are pushing him away.

Read Surviving an Affair (our library had it).

He is continuing the A by continuing contact with her. There can be no recovery of the M until the OW is out of the picture.

Also read about Plan B, it may have to go there...

It's always sad to see someone else needing this site, but also wonderful to know that they *found* this site. Welcome to MB.

First of all, read up on The Love Bank.

Then read up on Emotional Needs and Love Busters.

Finally, read up on Plan A.

Basically you want to become familiar with the concepts on this site, then Plan A your little heart out. This means learning to meet your H's top ENs and learning to avoid love busters. He won't respond right away but you're doing Plan A to improve yourself and your ability to be a good W, and so that when he *does* begin thinking rationally he'll look back and see what a good wife you are.

Finally, I'd encourage you to expose the A to the OW's husband if there is any way you can possibly do that. If you're watching your H here and he's watching his W there, the A may become more trouble than it's worth.

Keep posting. People are sometimes slow to respond because they don't know what to say. It will get slow over the weekend, too, so be prepared for that.