I'm the BS, but she's in a fog still. She says she's confused and can't sort out her feelings. I want her to tell me the truth, but the truth hurts like a knife in my heart. She says she still has feelings for the OM. But, she says she loves me and wants this to work out. We're going in for counseling for the first time today.

I am a fixer. I think if I know the facts then sorting things out is easy. I just can't understand what the problem is. If I knew I loved my wife and I saw what I was doing was ripping her apart => I would simply stop doing it. It seems so easy to me. These "Feelings" mucking up the whole scene. Real love is more than a feeling. She used to believe that.

My own aggressiveness is botching it up I think. I have tried to think of what she might be thinking, but for the life of me I can't. I love her more than life.

She had the EA with someone within my high profile job. Lots of eyes are on me and this would rip everything apart, including our futures. So, we're getting out and starting over. I literally would do anything to save our marriage, but it's coming very hard for me.

HFS,
According to the author of Men are from Mars Women ... Venus, most men are fixers. Women do not like that about us. When your W tells you about her feelings, LISTEN!!! DO NOT OFFER QUICK FIXES!! JUST LISTEN AND LET HER KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HEARD HER

Harley talks about ENs. Most women have conversation/communication and affection high on their lists. Most men do not know how to communicate with women in a way that makes the woman feel validated.

Men are problem fixers. Women prefer to discuss the issues. By discussing the issues they feel better. They don't necessarily need to solve the problem to feel better.

If communication is high on the ENs list, buy the book and learn the right way to communicate with women.

Read it together with your wife. She can learn about Men and how we like to be treated. Hopefully she'll see this as you wanting to better the relationship. This type of book is better than the A books. Most WS won't read thes with you because they are defensive &/or guilty.

cwmac