Well, today was my BD and WH showed up at my work with some flowers and candy and a nice card. I thanked him, and asked if I wanted to go to lunch, so I did.

He asked where his guns and toolbox were. I told him I will be getting a roommate and need the space, so I have stored them with friends. He said he loved me and missed our home. I told him it's too bad we can't get rid of that pesky OW.

He is now retired and was telling me that his sister and other friends are trying to get him to work around their house. I told him to get a calendar and mark in the motorcycle runs he wants to go on, job interviews, and other activities. If he marks off weeks and days, then he can tell them he is busy. (He has always had trouble saying no.)

He thanked me for that and said he will do it. He said that I have always been such a good wife to him. He asked if I am still open to working on our marriage. I told him that he knew the conditions. Then he asked how I could ever forgive him, and how could we rebuild the marriage. I told him marriagebuilders has a plan.

He said all of this is just causing too much hurt. I told him that thanks to marriagebuilders I am doing fine. He said that OW is not acting right, not spending time with her daughter. I told him that he was right, a 12 year old needs her mom.

So all in all it was very pleasant. I know I am supposed to be in Plan B, but enjoyed the talk anyway. I have become very strong.

When he left he said that I have been the best thing that ever happened to him. He said he would like to work the MB plan for restoring our marriage, then we would have it back. I told him that I would like that very much too.

I don't know your history but sounds like you did very well with the situation.
I must admit I admire your standing your ground to what needs to be done.
Not sure "presently" that I wouldn't accept any arrangement. But realize that I am selling myself short if I do.

Whitefeather -

I have been going through this for over a year. At first I was a complete mess, but I got lots of help here. I have made many changes, and now am able to know what I want. I am very strong.

I had already thrown out WH on D-day, so never did do a Plan A (not recommended). Then I have done a not great Plan B since September. But the most important thing is that I have worked on myself, and gone on with my life.

Hang with us and you will get strong too.

Believer,

You are so strong. And it is sounding like the fog may be thinning just a wee bit.

LL

LL- Don't know that right now (that the fog is thinning), but Plan B has been good for me.

Believer,

I thinks you have dun good! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

The strength you feel is coming from within. Plan B helps the BS get back on their feet. He wasn't speaking fogese. He was talking rationally. Nice to hear him talk that way to you. Maybe one day you can share that with him.

I think you and he made good progress today. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

IMHO, you didn't break plan B.

re: I believe in plan Aing the Spouse and plan Bing the WS.

L.

Wow...now how did you get out of that soooo strong.

I broke mine...major fell off the wagon this whole week. Today i blew it again by calling him and ending up forcing him to make a decision. He choose OW and is willing to see a lawyer next week if i want him to.

I am still struggling with my emotions. Trying damn best to get back and control all those pain and humiliation flying around in my mind.

Its scary to know everytime i break even a bit of plan B i go into overdrive. I think seeing him at sport day then meeting them together and after that him admitting EA had turned PA was what blew everything for me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

zizzy -

I think you have to give it time in Plan B. I did a good Plan B for 4 months and posted here and worked on myself, and going on with my life without him. And I am prepared to do just that.

So if you stick with the program, you will get there too. Either your WH will come back, or you will get to the point where you know you will have a wonderful life without him.

<small>[ December 03, 2004, 01:11 PM: Message edited by: lovemyhubby ]</small>

Lmh -

Good to hear that you are doing well. I hope you will continue posting here to help others.

What helped start this change in me was posting to a WH, lostbird. He really offered good advice, that I think is allowing me to treat my WH differently than before.

It is so amazing how everyone pitches in with advice and support.

Believer,

I can't imagine you handling that interaction any better than you did. You were perfect!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He said he loved me and missed our home. I told him it's too bad we can't get rid of that pesky OW.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Perfect. Reminded him of the conditions without any love busting. Even put yourself on his team with the "we" attitude.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He asked if I am still open to working on our marriage. I told him that he knew the conditions. Then he asked how I could ever forgive him, and how could we rebuild the marriage. I told him marriagebuilders has a plan.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This was absolutely wonderful. I only quote it because I like how you handled it so much.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He said that OW is not acting right, not spending time with her daughter. I told him that he was right, a 12 year old needs her mom. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Okay, it's official; You are now Saint Believer. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You supported him, didn't attack the OW. If I'd had a week to think about a response to his comment I couldn't have replied more appropriately.

So, are you feeling okay still? No big punches to the gut? No wanting to puke? You *sound* good, I hope you *are* well.

Still feeling great today. Last night the neighbors all got together and threw me a big party. It was very nice.

Today I went to garage sales with friends and got lots of good things. There is a little boy (2 years old) who lives down the street. Every night he comes over to my house when I get home from work and hops on the couch for me to read to him. His parents only speak spanish, and I am teaching him English. So anyway, I got a bunch of books (the pop-up kind) to read to him.

This afternoon I'm going fishing with my sons. So life is good.

Believer,

Happy Birthday, a day late!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He said he loved me and missed our home. I told him it's too bad we can't get rid of that pesky OW.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Believer, you rock! Loving this response..."that pesky OW..."

ROFLMAO <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Way to go!

way to go believer! happy late b-day and wishing you much strength in continuing to do what you can. prayers to you.

I would like to wish you a belated birthday..you give me inspiration to keep going on...glad you had such a fun day!

Happy Belated BDay, believer!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> So if you stick with the program, you will get there too. Either your WH will come back, or you will get to the point where you know you will have a wonderful life without him.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your strength inspires me!!

Ruffled -

We all need to stick together and pull ourselves out of this mess. I know that since I started getting out and doing things, my life has improved dramatically.

I had a great weekend again, doing the things I like to do. If WH was back, we would be doing the things he wants to do.

I hope that we can inspire and pull each other up. I know everyone's self esteem is in the toilet, that's why we need to do things to make us feel good. No one else is going to do it for us.

Happy Birthday B

I read your post a couple of days ago. I read every day but am only able to post every once in awhile so please excuse the delay.

I would like to know if after a year in plan B do you still want to be married to him or sometimes not. I guess I can't see the difference between detached and indifferent. Please shed some of your light on me once again.

Thanks LJ -

I have gone on with my life and enjoying it. I'm not indifferent to him, just detached. On one hand I would like to save the marriage, on the other, I know I will be fine without him.

I'm not angry at him, or at OW anymore, not sad, or hurt. Before when he would make noises about getting back together, I would hope that we could. Now it would be like the end of a vacation for me. It just seems like a lot of work, not only working on the marriage, but just having him around.

Of course, kids are grown. If I had little ones, I would take that into consideration. But WH is no longer the center of my world.

Believer,

You truly are an amazing woman.
You are a MB success story!

Sending lots of love xxx