it sounded like a good day to me too, remember it's a chipping away process and things will take time and you are doing such a good job. also remember you want to be able to look back and say you did all you could. the best way i can explain to anyone why i'm "doing" what i'm doing is that because i would rather continue to plan A and drag my feet and then still be hurt by things down the road when/if it doesn't work out than having to live w/the pain that i didn't do all that i could and always wondering what if.

have you talked to your pastor lately and given him an update? when's your next session w/SH? yes, you can be glad at your H's behavior yesterday, the seeds are being planted, you are following your words w/your actions, but don't set yourself up for disappointment by expecting your H to do more of that, okay? hang in there and prayers to you.

OW'H just called. He told me that his W stayed at home most(just most) of the time. But relation is not good. She did not say to move out. I recommend him to come to MB. He said he will look into it.

I don't know what my WH is up to and where he was about for the nights he was out. No contact? not sure, they work in the same company(not the same location), they can have all kinds of contact they want, e-mail, phone, etc.

lostnhurt -

Well it does sound like your WH is trying. He is probably torn, and not knowing what to do. I still think it might be time to get Plan B letter ready.

That way you will know that you have the next Plan ready to go into action, just in case.

Believer, you are very right about everything. Wh kept telling that we need to seperate for a while to see how things go. I think I am ready for that if he insists. I will copy the PNL you wrote and edit it, then post it here for advice.

Plan B might do the trick for you. I have been in my not very good Plan B since September. But it has been enough that I have good days mostly.

WH keeps coming around every 10 days. When he first left, he had no feelings for me. And that was the case for a long time.

Now he is extremely remorseful, says he wishes he had never done what he did, has sleepless nights, and says he just wants our marriage back. So far it is just talk, but he has completely changed the way he talks to me.

Also he now criticizes OW - he says it can never work, it is just a fantasy, she is not a good mother, she claims to be a Christian, but he doubts it.

So I think that just giving them time away to see what they are losing is a good thing.

good morning ladies,
hope your starting the new day fresh. God did give us a new day and we need to use it well. I just had a session w/SH this morning and will post that under my "session" thread. it will take me a while to type everything. i emailed one of the moderators to find out how to change the title. Lost, when is your next session w/SH? have a good day and prayers to all.

Good evening, ladies, especially RR, Believer, LLL and all other friends.

It is a long and busy day for me, just finished teaching. I have to prepare my class a little bit and get the tests ready too.

This morning, S's school has invited all moms for breakfast. So I went with S. His teacher told me again that he needs conseling, but WH doesn't agree, now I am in between.

After that I went to see a client for mortgage paper. It was a long drive, they are in the northern part of the town. After getting all the documents and signed papers, i had to drive to the southern part of the town to the company for processing. I drove 100 miles today and haven't had lunch yet, only a big breakfast(a big bagel). When I arrived home, it was 2pm. I took a little rest, and picked up D for a physical. She needs that for her track.

Then I dropped her back, and rushed to the office and get ready for my classes. I even didn't have enough time to copy the tests, the secretary left the office 5pm on time. So I have to wiat till Thursday. Now just get out of class. What a day, I want to sleep. But found a message left by D. She said S did not behave again.

I just called home. D said Wh is cutting the lawn. I wish I can sleep now and forget everything. Even today I was so busy, I just couldn't get rid of all the thoughts. How I wish everything is over, my H is back.

lostnhurt -

Hang in there. If teacher says S needs counseling, I would get it for him. Your WH's behavior is starting to effect the whole family. Of course he sees no problem. He is too guilty to admit to his bad behavior.

I want you to get more sleep. I'm worried about you.

Please pray for us. We are supposed to have our lesson now. Please pray that Wh not refuse, and listen and practice.

Lostnhurt -

My prayers are with you and husband. I hope that you will also take care of you.

hoping you were able to do the lesson together and that you got some sleep. if things didn't go well, just start today fresh and remember God has the strength to carry you through all this. prayers to you.

Believer and RR, thank you for your prayers.

We did do the lesson. But we just listen to the CD with no action. It required us to make the list of affections each of us need and practice it. So I asked him what he needs, he said get me off these lessons. I almost laughed. But we got off in about 25 minutes. We both were very tired.

Before the lesson, I talked to S and asked him what is going on with him. He cried so hard and told me that he has a lot of stress and life is miserable for him every year. I was shocked to hear that from an 8 year old. i asked him what made him so stressful and miserable. He said that he did not like school, he is slow, he did not like Chinese school either. I asked him what he liked, he said entertainment(I am very surprised that he didn't use the word play). I told him that I would like him to have entertainment, but also want him to enjoy school work too. I also told him to pray to GOD. He cried again and said I never got anyanswer from GOD. Oh, my poor child. I think I need to talk to him more and get to his insight. Dr. Harley adviced me to put his couseling off a while until WH agrees,b/c I am still in Plan A, I have to show him that I am willing to listening his opinion.

Last night, before the lesson, we discussed a little bit about S. WH said: he doesn't listen to me, you didn't listen to me either. I said when didn't I listen to you? He didn't answer. This morning I told him that I like to hug him and hold him, he said when I wanted to do that you refused. I feel that he started a little bit of complaining now, not like couple months ago, even didn't let me know what it is. It is like going toward the state of conflict now. I hope that it is not my wishful thinking.

RR, you are right about staying in Plan A for a while. I need to follow SH's advice. Please keep praying for me. I will pray for you and all others too. RR, you are doing excellent. You grew so much spiritually. I remember your posts when you just got in. Let's stick together and grow together.

I prayed very hard for Plan A or Plan B. I tried to get rid of my own thought. I will keep praying to get a clear answer.

This morning, after waving good bye to S and WH, I started working outside. I vacumed my van, I vavume his car before he got up. Then I planted some flowers. When I cam in, Wh left me a message asking me whehter to go to S's boy scot camp Sunday. I told him yes. Now he send me an-email confirming about that. We also had a department picnic Saturday, he said he can go too.

I do see that he is willing to go to family functions. But how much is he willing to work on the M? I predivt today is his disappearing day again, becasue I am home. I need to talk to SH about it.

I copied MOM's plan B letter, and edited. Please give me some advice. I hope that I don't have to use it.


Dearest WH,

It is with the greatest pain and tearful eyes that I sit here and write this letter to you. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life! It is truly sad what has happened to our marriage and us. The path that I must take now is not one of choice but one of self-preservation. Please let me explain.

I would first like to acknowledge and apologize for my part in the demise of our marriage. I have made many mistakes in the past that cannot be changed. What I have been able to do is recognize those mistakes in judgment and have learned from them so that I can take steps to ensure that they will not occur again. I neglected your needs of sexual fulfillment, failed to give you the praise that you deserved, and judged you disrespectfully. I was selfishly caught up in myself, and with my selfishness and foolishness I helped create a void in our marriage. I failed to recognize the needs that you so badly needed. I ignored your feeling for a long time.

I was too focused on taking care of the kids and not focused enough on taking care of our marriage. I have made it clear to everyone that my time with my family, especially for my wonderful husband, is and will be my number one priority. You will always come first. I want to learn even more about how to be a supportive and loving wife. The type of woman that I hope you would be proud of to call your wife. The same pride I felt so many times when I called you my husband. I want us to build a life together that is built on meeting each others emotional needs and to avoid the things that got us to the place we now find ourselves. I love you, more than you will ever know. I know I have hurt you in the past and I never want to make you feel that way again.

When we married, it was my desire to be with you for the rest of our lives. I love you and always will. It has now come to the point that you are unhappy. As a wife who loves you, I cannot keep you here against your will. The children love and need you. I am confident that we can work out a schedule for them to spend time with you.

To preserve my love for you, please have no contact with me unless you feel you can truly commit to the marriage. Please have any of our communication through our friends D and A, their numbers are: 313-xxx-xxx, their e-mail:
In case of emergency, you can call my cell phone or e-mail me.

I will be willing to discuss our future together as soon as you are willing to commit to our marriage. Meantime, I will continue to keep my faith that I will someday see my Husband again and watch him walk through the doors of the home that was once filled with so much love and laughter. I love you so much and I want nothing more than to rebuild our marriage. I know we CAN have a great marriage and life together!

I will always love you!

Your Loving Wife,

I know that WH is not going to come home. He told me by defaut, he is not coming on the nights I am home. He didn't call. But why do I feel the panic attack? Why do I care? I hate this feeling. I like to feel peaceful. I know that Plan B may get me there.

Believer, are you out there? Please talk to me.

Lostnhurt,
When I went to Plan B, my H eventually figured out he could use just about any excuse to come home -- including cutting his hair.

Go to Plan B with full force. In case of emergency, he can call the third party's numbers, not yours. Plan B means no contact, ever.

Best of luck -- Wish I had done it. It would have been better for me and the children. BUT now the time is past, now for me it is time to be a Buyer as we go through the lessons. Hope your Plan B makes your WH grow up!
Cherished

Cherished, thank you. Long time no talk. How are you doing?

I am not in plan B yet. I have to pray very hard and try to get an answer from GOD. I don't want to get in to ugly situations like arguing.

lostnhurt -

Here I am. What's up? I have been very busy lately. I got a promotion, and more work.

Also remember the little boy that I am teaching English to? Well his mom and dad are having problems. Mom thinks that dad is cheating. Can you believe that? I have been trying to teach her the MB principles in Spanish.

Believer, congradulation on your promotion!

I can't believe so many of these things are happening. I feel sorry for the little boy.

I was just having another panick attack. I hate that WH not coming home. He said he would not come if I can take care of the kids. It sounds that he is doing me a favor. While he was home, he was doing all sort of things which deposits LU. It is killing me. He cut the lawn yesterday. We will go for picnic Sat, boy scout day Sunday. Then he will disappear again. What am I sopposed to do? Do I still have hope? Do i have to go to Plan B to get him back? Dr. said Plan be is to prepare me for D. He post to all others to tell people not to depend on their H.