Cherished, I understand your concern. I can't make decision right now, I am still hoping, hoping one day he will wake up. But it won't last forever.

The reason is that I still see him willing to commit to his family. He is more willing to do things than before. He didn't say or mention M any more. I don't know I am putting myself in a false hope, but I don't want to give up now. But who knows, someday I may lose my patience and hope. Then it will be it.

lostnhurt - My WH came back by tonight - still full of the same old, same old. Hang in there, yours will come around.

Believer, I am hanging there. I hope you have a good time. I know how tough you are, you won't get caught by your H's fog. Just have fun.

I just took S out to rent a movie, SHanghai Nights. SO we are going to enjoy it. I will have to get up early tomorrow to teach. I am going to take half Xenax to fall asleep.

lostnhurt,

i agree w/ Zizzycool: "Plan B will make you feel good and happy again."

i feel much more in control w/ plan "B". i let WS think about what am I doing and where am i at for a change. focusing on the care of myself and the kids. if WS wants to self distruct, so be it.

hang in there!

lostnhurt -

Well, I got rid of WH in short order. He wanted to "talk about our relationship" again. I told him that there is really nothing to talk about until OW is gone.

He wanted to know if I still love him, said I was a good wife, he has messed up, and blah, blah, blah. I repeated that until he has NC with OW, there is nothing to talk about.

Then he left and said "I know we can have a better marriage than before". So apparently he is still reading on this board.

Believer, good for you. Are you in Plan B or what? I wish I can be at a stage like you, totally detached.

I feel ok now. I was watching the movie with kids, but it doesn't seem too exciting to me. SO I come here to peek.

When I am watching this movie Shanghai Nights by Jacki Chen. It really reminds me how he is, this guy is a serial cheater. I feel disgusted. He married his wife for 20 years. She was a famous actress, but retired after married and stayed behind him with a S. Jacki never told the media he was married and had numorous GF. He finally came back home last year and told the world that his wife is the best. I can't believe this.

lostnhurt -

What are we going to do with you? I have been through this so long that it doesn't bother me. You will get there too.

I have been in a not too great Plan B. But it has been good enough to make me feel good about everything, and get my self-esteem back.

Wh is with an OW that is 16 years younger than me. He is telling me that he is miserable, and wants to get the marriage back. But basically he does not want to quit having fun with OW.

Believer, the best thing you can do to me is to knock on my head, when I wake up, it is 3 years later.

lostnhurt -

I may do that. Hopefully you will sleep tonight.

Believer, I took half of a Xenax and feel very sleepy now. GOod night. Have a good weekend.

L&H...are you still stuck in BS fog? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

It is really time you get out of that fog yourself and do something.

I am not an expert but i know what it is like to hope and get disappointed time and again.

Take care

Zzizy, how are you doing in Plan B? I am still struggling. My heart is torn. Plan A or Plan B? One day I am ready, next day i am not.

Just finished teaching for 4.5 hours. I am exauhsted.

lostnhurt -

Maybe you can take a nap. I will be here all day, in and out. I am taking a trip to see my family in Seattle in 10 days, so trying to get things cleaned and organized before I go.

I'm in the middle of cleaning out the refrigerator. Yikes!

Believer, I hope you have a good a time. I will keep posting.

Lostnhurt,
I didn't get to the point of willing to be in Plan B until December 9, 2003, that was nearly 2 years after a broken arm and 20 months after D-day. I didn't go to Plan B because my H agreed to go through the MB program.

What I am saying is this -- you and you alone can make the decision to go to Plan B. It is a very serious decision. I think it is a mistake to go to Plan B before you are ready. I did that in September 2002, and it was not a true Plan B because he came to the house whenever he pleased. Plan B is only effective if you are ready for it.

Cherished

LNH,

Sorry it's been so long since I posted to your thread. I've been running around all day trying to find slipcovers or something to cover my furniture in my family room. It's absolutely TRASHED but I can't afford to buy a room full of new furniture. I have to get it looking decent for DS's graduation reception next Saturday. I wasn't very successful in my quest. I found some, but they're a creamy beige and will really make the room look dull. If they work, I'll really have to accessorize with pillows.

But enough about my shopping... Let's talk about you.

I agree with Cherished's comment:

you and you alone can make the decision to go to Plan B. It is a very serious decision. I think it is a mistake to go to Plan B before you are ready.

Don't do it if you not sure you can hold to N/C with him. I did it in February because I thought it was the right thing to do, but not because I was ready. And I failed. In fact, even though I'm really not sure at this point that I even want to reconcile with him, I'm not sure I could do an absolute N/C Plan B either. I still like to know he's okay.

You're stronger than you think you are. I know you are still in a lot of pain. But look back at how long you've survived this way already. It's been almost 5 months, right? I know you don't want to think about another 5 months of this agony, but for me just being able to say, "If I've done it for this long, I can do it for a little longer" kept me going when I was feeling really awful.

How are your kids doing? Is your D doing better emotionally?

As for you, if you're still not sleeping well, have you tried taking a regular-strength Benedryl about 1/2 hour before you go to bed? I bought some for a cold I had a couple months ago, and ended up using most of them as sleep aides. They worked really well. I was able to cut my Xanax dose way down, and actually haven't taken it at all for quite a while now. I am still on A/D's though--Lexapro at this moment.

I was enjoying a grilled steak and grilled veggies and a nice glass of wine with classical music this evening, but I just heard the door open. DS and friends appear to be here to play poker, so my relax-time is now over. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Take care of yourself. I'll check back in tomorrow.

LL

well good morning lost and all other ladies,

lost, this may sound harsh to others who reply to you but i think you need to include in your sig line "i'll let you know when i'm ready to plan B"
like others have said that only you can decide when you are ready and you after all are the one that is going to have to live w/whatever comes after going to plan B (could be good or bad). but anyway, you kind of trust my judgement right? i don't think you're ready for plan B and while i think that maybe keeping plan B in the back of your mind and even having a plan B letter prepared is good, that you really shouldn't entertain the idea right now. but again, these are just my opinions and if anything i would go w/what SH advises you.

i'm not very good about posting quotes here or being able to say who said what but again, look at how far you have come since DDay, looking back are there a lot of things you regret having done since that time? if so learn from them on move on, if not then good and contiue what you're doing. you are strong because it would be easier to give up and walk away and not everybody can do what you have done. i don't really think i'm strong either but my sister pointed it out to me last night that i am strong because she doesn't think i could be doing what i'm doing and that she doesn't know of how many other people could either.

i think as long as you are going back and forth as to whether or not to plan B then you need to stay in plan A. but when all you want is plan B and SH feels that it may be time for plan B then you can do it. i really like hearing when plan B works for bringing the WS back and that gives me some hope too but we also know that these "plans" don't work the same for everyone. again, you want to be able to look back and know that you did all you could and not regret. i think it would be really bad to go to plan B before you were ready and not be able to stick to it like someone else mentioned above.

continue to follow your words w/your actions and take care of you. now, why is what i'm saying any different or more meaningful than what other people are saying? well, that's something you have to decide. God's will is for you and your H to be married and I know you want to do God's will and we need to give God the chance to work his plan in our lives. what has happened to all us BS has happened for a reason and why should we think that God has to answer our prayers for recovery within a certain time frame? we can't because we're not even guaranteed that we will have another day on this earth.

also, if we give up, in my opinion, then the OW has won and i personally can't let that happen. so again, take what i say for what you will but know that we all will continue to support you. if i remember correctly you have a session w/SH today so good luck w/that and write down stuff ahead of time to talk or ask SH and make sure to take notes and ask him to be specific. let us know how it goes. as always continued prayers to you.

GOod morning friends, thank you for your kind words and understanding. Especailly RR, Cherished, Believer and LL. I've been thinking about you and prayed for you.

I had typed a very long post on the other computer. After I finsihed, I was logged out amd the computer was frozen. Now I have to retyped everything again.

Sat. after teaching, I came home with hunger and tireedness. But there was no lunch and the kids said they didn't eat either. I asked them why. THey said that they were waiting for the picnic. So we went to meet my coleagues in the park and BBQ in 50 degrees. WH was very good at putting up the fire and grilled the hamburger and hot dogs. So my chairman's wife told me what a good H I have. I just smiled and agreed. I told WH too. THen we went t nature walk in hte park, it was good. On the way back, we rented a movie called" Red Violin" WH wanted to see. I wonder how he knew about this movie. He said that he learned it from one of his training. I hopw it is not form OW. After putting the kids to bed, we watched the movie in bed. I felt very close to him, but I don't think he felt the same. When D came to our room, he asked her to stay between us. But I told D to go back to sleep, she was not happy about that. I had a good night sleep.

Sunday morning, WH woke up early. He said that he got lots of calls at night b/c problems with their network. He managed to fixed them at home remotely. When I get the kids up, he was done with them, I was very proud of him. We arrived tha boy scout camp at about 9:30am. THe weather was cold and gloomy. But the kids went in water fishing. WH was good at hooking the worms. I would have big trouble with that. DS got 2 fish and DD got 1. I didn't get any. Wh was too busy hooking the worms. THen he helped S and D clean up their feet after. After that, the kids went for archary. Wh was patiently helping the kids on that too. Then he volunterred to cook hot dogs. During lunch, people were talking a headline news in our town couple days ago we both missed: a 4th grade teacher smashed her WH's head with an ax and stapped him 20 times. I commented that there must be something very extreme happened, but it didn't justify her action. WH was so shocked about it.

After lunch, WH went to the car to sleep. I joined the kids and other parents to play catch the flag. I was the only mom to play. Lots of running. THen went for a nature walk. In the morning, we already had a walk by looking for poeple in S's den. Then the kids shot BB gun. Once again, WH was so patiently in helping S and D. Finally, they had a closing ceremoney. Wh and I walked away to use the restroom. It was then I saw a creature I wanted to see the the least, a snake. I was screaming and grabbed Wh so hard. He said that the snake didn't scare you, but you scared the snake and were killing me.
Anyway, he was so nice to the kids and acted so good the whole day. He got some calls and didn't answer them. I don't know whether they were form OW. I tried to put it behind.

We ate in the restraunt after the camp. We were all so tired and felt good for the whole day. After the kids went to bed, we watched the SHang Hai nights together. We didn't do the lesson, instead practicing the assignment of affection by watching movie togehter. I guess that is ok. I hope we can do the lesson again tonight.

Yesterday, I called sis and talked about this Plan B again. SHe had the same opinion. If I don't feel good and comfortable it yet, then hang on with Plan A. She said that she has faith that WH will be back, but doesn't know when and how. We just have to turst GOD, work on GOD's time and will. SHe also told me that WH's willingness to spend time with the family is good. I should just enjoy it and creat a good atmosphere to make WH feel good about it.

Just called WH aboout SH's session, he kept saying that he is too busy. I said that I will call him again when SH is available. He said ok. Please keep praying for us.

all in all sounds like a very good weekend and i'm glad for you. still more reason for me to believe that you're not ready for plan B. but whenever you think about it just work on your letter and go throught the pros and cons of it.

the logging off of the forums is getting very annoying to me as well. but the it's not my computer so i can't do a lot of what was suggested on the forum homepage to keep this from happening. now what i do is if i type anything that is significant or long or whatever, i highlight the text and copy it that way if when i click on "add reply" if it says i'm not logged on then i just start a new post and paste what i copied and that way i don't have to type everything all over again.

good luck w/the session, RR