Ive been following your threads for sometime. I have a daughter who is nearly 16 and since she was 12 she has really put me through a bad time with disobedience and rebellion. Finally now she is becoming a civilised human being and one of my best friends! Dont take your daughters behaviour too much to heart: as believer says, she is really just doing what girls that age do. Just keep on an even keel with her and let her know that you love her unconditionally (but that doesnt mean that you approve of or reward bad behaviour!). In a few years she will have settled down and you will have your daughter back. Keep your energy on working on your marriage as best you can and looking after you. Getting stressed over your daughter will not help your situation, you just need to let her hormones take their course! A big hug for you too!

Thank you Debbra. Your advice and others are really valuable to me. I feel that GOD is sending me all of you to me. How blessed I am. I will concentrate on my M. I need to learn a lot.

LNH,

I am SO glad to see you post a positive post!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> !!

You sound like you really did find a time of peace and tranquility with God. Remember that time when you are feeling low again. Remember that God helped you to feel better, and remind yourself that he will do it again. The "up" days will come more and more, and the "down" days will be less. It just takes a long time to get there.

Keep up what you're doing. You did sound a little overwhelmed with all the books and all, but at least you're filling yourself with helpful, good things.

LL

yes, it will take a loooooooooooooooong time and it will be a rough road (pun intended) but w/God everything is possible.

Lost, i emailed you and told you about a radio station that i think will help you out a lot and would others as well. it's the Bott radio network and they have a website of the same name bottradionetwork.com it's has helped me out tremendously and i listen to it all the time, i'm addicted to it. it's also free as compared to buying tapes to listen to. of course my mom tried to get me to listen to it for years and now we have turned my sister onto it as well. i'm pretty sure you can get it where you live. you can go to the website and find out what radio station in your area carries the bott radio network.

it has programs that deal w/marriage, parenting, our walks w/God, etc. it truly is very powerful and has changed me tremendously. it has speakers on it such as Dr. James Dobson, Dr. Charles Stanley, etc. check it out and you won't be sorry.

hope you had a good night and i hope everyone has a good day because it is afterall another day. continued prayers to all.

I've been sitting here for more than one hour. There is so much going on my mind, I even don't know where to start.

This morning, I took S to Dr. for his physical, and concerns on nose bleed and his behavior. Basically, he is healthy, no bleed should be treated by vaseline. But his behavior is a concern. Dr. gave me a form for me and a form to the teacher to fill out, then we will have to go back to see him. he said S may need medicine. When I came back, I called WH about it.

He said he has problem with medication. He said how about a second opinion. I said that is a great idea. I am still in the old habit of trying to do things on my own. I told him that I am glad to talk to him about it. I appologized for what I've done before, there was no POJA. Like taking D for conseling, put her in Zoloft etc. He said that do you remember when S was 2 months old, he had fever. We took him to the Dr., then he was sent to the hospital. He was against it. He said that he shouldn't go through the torture of getting the bone marrow to be tested. My heart immediately sank, I was right, it was for precution. But I turned myself off, and said that you were right. Why should I argue now? But anyway, I thanked him for communicating.


What happened last night was really strange. I don't know what other words I can use. I came home 9pm and found out WH mowed the lawn. I help D to her math homework. They all went to bed at 10:30pm, that was the time we started our lesson. This time, I continued reading the book HNHN. It is on the SF. We talked about our own situation. He had a lot of resentment and angry about it. I said that I was sorry for what I did. I asked him whether he felt frustrated when he was rejected and how he coped with it. He said I used prostitute. I was shocked, SHOCKED. But I was very calm and not angry at all, I knew that GOD has worked on me. I asked him when was it and did he use protection. He said it was 1994 when we visited China, he did use protection. He said you didn't know? I said that I trusted you. He said, you never asked. I just didn't know what to say. I asked him, how about now? Do you still do it? What did you do on the nights out? He said that he would if he needs it and would use protection. He said that if I didn't use protection, I may have died. If you are afraid, we don't have to have SF. I am so bad, why don't you just D me? I said that I look at the real you, not your actions. This was said to me by the Pastor few days ago. Now I know what it means, GOD said that to me. Our M will only work if WH is saved and reborn again. I just have to trust GOD. After that I went to bed, kept thinking about what he said. I was very sad, but the sadness didn't last very long because I prayed. I told Wh that I am glad that he told me, but I was upset by what he did. He said that what do you want? You couldn't satisfy me. I am doing all my shares(he meant all the house work) and give you money. I said that I want my H back.

I don't know what to do and what to believe. Should I just out it away and let GOD work on it? Am I wasting my time on a person GOD does not please? But after praying, i was able to sleep through the night. But I still need all of your advice.

This morning, he got up early. When I dropped D to school, he was up. So I asked him whehter I could share something with him. He immediately guarded himself, but said ok. So I shared with him what I posted yesterday, my thought on humble, tasting the joy, and trying to get rid of self, putting down my pride. First he looked at me very strangely. Then he said that you did earn everything yourself, including me. I said that it was not me, it was GOD. GOD gave everything to me. But I took all of them granted and didn't know how to take care of everthing GOD gave me. Now it is a lesson to learn. After this talk, he seemed to soft a little. That is why we had a good converation of this morning.

Still I feel that my head is spinning. My heart is ponding. I really have to pray hard to get GOD's advice. Please help.

I just don't feel well now b/c all those things Wh told me. My hands are cold in 80 degree temp here. I am shaking. My feeling is numbed.

Can someone please talk to me?

RR, I checked the bott radio network, there is no braodcasting in my area. I am sort of disappointed b/c I can't listen from the car. But I can get it from the internet.

Sister just called from her friends house. This friend is so faithful to GOD. When she heard my story, she talked to me and told me to put everything to GOD, really ALL, everything. We have to totally trust GOD. Then we prayed togehter. Oh, GOD is really amazing. HE is sending love to me from everywhere, I praise and thank HIM, for everything, for WH, for OW and her family.

lostnhurt - You are doing extremely well. Your WH does seem to be changing. I can see it day after day. Hang in there and don't give up. Maybe you won't have to go to Plan B. Remember SS? She never went to Plan B and is recovering now.

Believer, did you read what he said last night? I am still feeling the pain even though I just prayed that I am putting everything to GOD. I work hard on myself to let go, let GOD.

lost, what amazing night you had, can you not see how well you did? God is putting the necessary words in your mouth and guiding you in your actions. i know that you still have the feelings but you are not acting on them and that is something to be so proud of and I AM proud of you. I'm sorry that i didn't respond to your posts earlier today but i had lots of meetings today and i am trying to stay off the computer because i'm at work.

i know what you say about being w/someone who many not be pleasing to God. i have thought about this a lot and my mom, God Bless her, has also talked to me a lot about this. she says that my H may not be the one that God wants for me. she does hope he is but she just wants me to understand that God may have a different plan for me and the way that this will turn out. and i do believe that to a certain extent especially from the aspect of marrying my H in the first place because we did not believe in the same things. but the fact of the matter is we did marry and have been M for almost 11years. my pastor and SH have assured me that it is God's will for me to be M to my H and i don't think they would tell me this if it wasn't so, especially my pastor.

however, the way i look more at it now is the fact that what a great testimony i could be to my husband NOW and what a great M we could have NOW that i know what i need to do to be the W that my H and God wants me to be. i have a hard time believing that God would allow all this to happen just so that i could change or reconnect w/God and for my M end. i do understand that is possible. but that's why i continue to pray that God will make things more plain or obvious to me what his plan is. Also, i would be a hypocrite if i say that i believe that God sent his son to die for us and save us and that he can do anything but yet doubt that he can turn my M around.

that's just how i feel but i feel like this is true and according to the Bible. we all still see so much promise in your M and w/the changes that your H is making and that you are making. i know i can't speak for you and i have no idea how it feels to be told that my H used a prostitute but look at how wonderfully you handled the situation and considering all that's happened do you think him telling you that makes the situation worse? i don't think so and i don't think others will either.

i'm sorry that you couldn't get a radio station in your area that plays the bott radio network. i've heard people call the radio and they said that they were from michigan so that's why i thought you would be able to get it. but anyway, yes, you can listen to it via the internet and please start to do that, it will bring you even more peace then you are already feeling and you are believe it or not. re-read your posts if you have to and see how far you have come and just keep it up. i am so glad that you talked to that person today and that she prayed w/you, it was a true blessing. but you already know that God continues to bless us no matter what, even if it's just allowing us to wake up in the morning.

i've got to go pretty soon for the weekend but just again wanted to say a few words and encourage you to keep doing what you're doing. continued prayers to you.

L&H

I think that it is good that you are opening up to each other.

About the prostitute thing....I hate to say this, but I would rather of had WH go to a prostitute where there is no EA, than with a coworker where there was the EA. I think the EA hurt me worse than the PA. You put this in Gods hands now. Let him mull it over, he will tell you what to do with this information. And you are talking about in the past, if you are satisfying his SF now he won't need to go out and get it with a prostitute, right? Or did I miss the boat here? Prayer to you also.

HINY

NY, you are very right about SF. We did not have it, that was how our conversation started and the P things popped up. I am putting it to GOD now.

RR, thank you for your encouragement. I know that I am taking very hard lesson now. One day when I look back, I will know how blessed I am to grwo up in this pain. I know that GOD would not give us anything we can not bear.

Prayers for you. Have a great weekend. NY, have a great vacation.

I need to find something fun to do tonight with kids. But D has a lot of Chinese hwk to do which due tomorrow, she didn't do it during the week. Any suggestion?

Plan B gets better and better the longer you are in it. So hang on. All my days are happy now. Yours will be too.

Yes, believer is right. I was there for 7 weeks and everyday was starting to be happy. Just don't break it no matter what until you are sure he is ready to R. Which is what so many of us have fallen for.

HINY

I was going to tell you to ask Believer, there she is. NY is also a veteran. I am not ready at all. Another thread to read is this We are in Plan B and doing Well.

Of course, WH is out somewhere again. I have to be the one to be the bad parent. I have to have them do the home waork, Wh never, he made their life too easy. So left me the home work for whole week. I am so frustrated with DD screaming and yelling and crying. Should I give up or not?

L&H

I got the same thing here. It is the age I think, all my DD does is whine, cry and scream about how life isnt' fair. Hmmm. Is life ever fair? Don't give up, just keep plugging away at it.

HINY

I know I have to hang in there. But when you deal with her, it is a pain in the ****.

lostnhurt -

Poor girl, you are just at the beginning of this with daughter. Her job is to pull away from you right now. And seems like she is doing a good job.

When my son was 12, I was in a Bible study group with 12 other women. When they heard that son was 12, they told me to lookout, our relationship was about to hit bottom. In my foolishness I thought to myself, this would never happen to me and my firstborn. Wrong. He put me through HELL.

I could give you lots of stories, like me chasing him down the street in my bathrobe, with a spatula. But I won't bore you. Just let me tell you that it was awful between 12 and 18. Now he is 22 and we are best friends again.

And girls go through this earlier and earlier. So hang on, it's gonna be a rough ride. But later she will be her own sweet self again.