Believer, she was crying in bed. I asked why. She told me that she has anxiety attach. Her day said it is an excuse. I think it is both.

But anyway, she said she want me to talk to her. SO I did. I asked her what she want,a nd how I can help her. She said you are not helping. I told her if she said that our conversation has to stop. Then she cried again. I said that I love you so muc, I am trying to help you. But if my ways are no helping, can you tell me what I can do. She said I don't know. This afternoon, when I asked her to do her homework, she said I don't want to. I said it is ok, then don't do it. She said I have to do it, thenI said ok, then do it. SHe said no. So you see what is going on here? How did you deal with it?

How I wish a H can coperate to raise a child. Where is he?

Good morning everyone.

WH just called and said that he will come home to take care of the kids. I asked him where he was, he said at work. I said that were you at work the whole night. He said no. Where was he? That is my biggest question. Do i see any hope here?

Yes, there is lots of hope. He is slowly changing. Keep Plan B on the back burner for the end of June.

Your daughter sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. You did well by coming along side of her and letting her know you are there for her.

Have you taken her to the dollar store yet? Just think, you can spend time with her, and get 20 things for $20.

L&H

I also have noticed big changes in my DD since this happened. She is begging for attention in so many ways. Crying all the time, she had anxiety attacks also, but they have gone away now. I spent big money trying to figure out what was wrong with her. They thought it was milk allergy and everything else. Just take your time and spend lots of time with her. Sounds like she needs lots of attention right now. Try not to focus on WH so much and focus on her. Sometimes if I can tear myself away from the computer and the Yankees....LOL......I will do something with her, just her, like go to the mall or eat lunch with her and then she is different for a couple of days. It is the age too, all those hormones, peer pressure. Don't you remember being young? I had a terrible childhood, I was raised by an alcoholic mother, with an alcoholic boyfriend. The f word was common use in our house, as was seeing the ashtray fly of the table every evening in rage. So listen just do the best you can do. I turned out okay through all of that. My sister ended up doing drugs and going to goodhope and all of that. She still smokes weed at 38 and is very immature, but she is okay too. You will do a fine job even if you have to do it alone. Have a good weekend.

HINY

I grew up very differently in China. The material world was extremely poor, but we were all happy. We had no toys, no fuel, not running water. We need to pick sticks and leaves to cook, we need tocarry water from well. Never heard of TV until I was in college. Everything was luxury, even a piece of candy. But I was HAPPY. I couldn't imagine what my D is going on with. Maybe she has too much.

Your D has too little. Her father is treating her mother with complete disregard, not even being thoughtful enough to let her know where he is.

If you boot your H out (Plan B) or he turns around and starts to treat you like a human being, I think your D may feel like there is something in life to look forward to other than complete disrespect.

Lostnhurt, I admire your willingness to put up with his poor treatment of you without having angry outbursts. I think momof3boys saw that she couldn't handle it and went to Plan B. I kept trying to handle it and failed. You are doing just beatifully. Give him some time to consider the consequences of his thoughtless behavior (whether he is continuing in the affair or not).

Cherished

lostnhurt - You are living the story of moving from the old world to the new. I know you have read Amy Tan's wonderful books, The Kitchen God's Wife, and The Joy Luck Club.

Your story is the same as Amy's mother. Remember when she talked of all her good intentions? I loved those stories. But I imagine it is hard to live them.

Cherished, you see I don't have the courage to kick him out. B/c I am afraid that he will be gone with the wind. But I just have to calm myself to not to take his action personaly.

Believer, I have many stories for this transaction from old to new. The kids always want to listen to them. Maybe I can write a book about it. It was not hard to live at all. I think it was much easier then. We even didn't know what was happening outside. We thought we were the happiest bunch in the whole world, and we would grow up to rescue the rest who suffered. Well that was the education of Chiarman Mao.

I think you should write about it. Try writing a magazine article first. There is a lot of interest in China, because for years we in the U.S. never saw pictures, or had too much info. Heck, no one could even go there.

Hang in there. My WH is coming over today for more financial discussions. This should be good.

Believer, I may write something.

Our class started late today due to power outage. We were all informed few days ago. But lots of students were late. I asked them why, few said that b/c of the schedule changed. I didn't understand they logic, they wouldn't be late if class started at 8am, but they would be late if it started at 9. People just find excuses or blames for their onw action.

Wh took the kids to school, went back to work. He called me 7am from his office. He call my cell b/c it had caller ID. Then he came home to take kids to school, after that he them to his work. I went to his work to pick up the kids. He left me some pizza for lunch there. Now I will have to take the kids to a BD party. I am just so tired. He told me so SINCERLY(??), I am sorry that I can't take them to the party, you can take them out for dinner, i may not be able to join you. I am very confused. When did he want to be with me? He could if he wanted. Where was he last night and the other nights? The more I dwell on this, more more headahce I have.

Try to forget about him and have a nice night with the kids. Rent a good movie or something.

Your WH is going back into the fog again. Keep Plan B on the back burner.

Believer, he was never out of fog at all.

Well, just came home from friend's house. I dropped the kids to the BD party, then went shopping for grovery. Shopping is not my hobby at all, if I don't have to do it, I won't.

WH and I called each other at the same time. He told me that their computer problem was very big, looked like he had to work over night. I told him to take it easy. He said that lots of people were working, he had to supervise them. He is taking care of a big computer network for a very large and reputable company.

Then after the BD party, the kids wanted to go to firends house to continue playing. So we went. I was so tired from 4 hours of teaching today and told the kids to cut the play time short. They were not happy. How do I make them happy? Is that my responsibility?

But anyway, WH just called. He sounded so tired and told me that the problem was getting bigger, he didn't know when he can come home. That is one of the nights when he worked, he would call. Otherwise, there was no trace to be found. I told him that kids school bags were in his car. he said that you can come over to pick them up. He just tried to prove to me that he was at work. I said thanks, it is too late. You can bring them home tomorrow. I feel like I am a single parent already.

I jsut received an e-mail, an colleague died yesterday. She was sick few years ago and retired. I haven't seen her for a while, but I used to share an office with her. It made me feel sad. I ordered flowers for her, may go to visit tomorrow.

LNH,

I just caught up on your posts. A lot has happened since I last checked in on your thread. I'm SO sorry to hear about the P thing that your husband admitted to. That had to have been painful. But it was a number of years ago and I agree with NY or whoever it was who said they'd rather their WH had found a P with no emotional attachment than their OW.

And I'll bet it would be very interesting to read or hear about your life growing up in China and your transition to America. I go to church with a woman from Korea. She came to the US shortly after she got married in her late teens and has told me a few interesting stories about growing up in Korea.

You are becoming stronger. I know you still hurt, but you're starting to sleep through the night, and you are just sounding better in your posts. Keep praying for God's guidance for both your relationship with your WH and with your children. You're doing well!

LL

I read something like this in Chinese:

A conversation between a man and Buddah about affair:

M: Dear buddah, I am a married man, but I am deeply in love with OW, I don't know wht to do.

B: Can you be sure that this OW you love now is the last ONLY woman in your life?

M: Yes.

B: Then divorce, and marry her.

M: But my wife is kind, gentle and nice. Arn't I a bit cruel and imoral to do that?

B: A loveless marriage is cruel and imoral. You already love someone else, but her. It is right to D.

M: But my wife loves me, really loves me.

B: She is happy.

M: I will D her and marry OW, she should be painful. How can she be of happy?

B: In your M, she has love for you, but you already lose the love for her because you love OW. Having is happy, losing is painful. It is you who is painful.

M: But I will D her and M OW. So she is losing me, she should be the one who is paiful.

B: You are wrong. You were just an subject of her true love in the M. When this subject does not exist anymore, her true love will extend to another subject, because she never lose her true love in her M. So she is happy and you are painful.

M: But she said that she only loved me in her life, never anyone else.

B: Did you say that too?

M: Me, me, me,...

B: Look into the thress candels in front of me, which is the brightest?

M: I can't tell, it seems that they are all bright.

B: These thress candles are like thress women, one of them is the OW you love now. There are so many women in the world, you even cannot tell which candel is the brightest, how can you be sure OW is the last ONLY women in your life?

M: I, I, I, ...

B: Now take a candle close to you, use your heart to see which one is the brightest.

M: Of course, it is the one in front of me.

B: Now put it back, and see which one is the brightest.

M: I really can't tell.

B: The candle you took out is the OW you thought the last only women in your life. The so-called love is from your imagination. When you feel you love her, you use your heart to look at her, you think she is the brightest. When you put her back, you can not find any brightness. Your so-called loast only love is just a fantasy.

M: Oh, I understand now, you didn't ask me to D my wife, you were educating me.

B: I did not say that, just go.

M: Now I know whom I truely love, she is my wife.


Well, there is no religious meaning here. I just feel that no matter, where, people all think A is a fantasy.

LnH,

I love your story. Can you put this in it's own thread? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks for sharing. It really drives the point home. Also it is not as invasive since it is about a third party.

Mahalo,
L.

WH came home 3:30am. He said he was at work and I took his word. he didn't have to explain anyway.

Now he got up already and is calling his parents from home. He prooved to his parents by having the kids talk to them, so he is a good boy. He is preparing to disappear again later when we leave for church. He even couldn't tell me whehter he is coming home for dinner!

Relax and do something with your kids. Dollar store? Your WH is still in the fog. It may take Plan B in June to wake him up.

In the meantime, rest up and gather your strength. You will need it for Plan B.

We just went to church. I taught 3-4 year olds there. It was a fun job even though it is tiring. But I couldn't get my mind off WH. How can I do that? People kept commenting me losing weights.

After church, we saw some garage sale signs and went. D bought two books she liked, chicken soup serious. Now we are in the library. It is one of their favorite place to go.

This morning, I asked Wh whether he can watch the kids b/c I want to visit the colleague who died. He said that I can leave the kids home alone and go. I start feeling that he is more unwilling to take my request. I am going to back off. But I really don't want to go to Plan B.

Now we are home, of course, WH is gone. I feel so blank. I know that my life can not be rely on him, but I don't know what I can do. I feel sick, tired, and saaaaaaaaaaaaaad.