Lostnhurt,
I booted my H out of the house, and it was three days before they realized he was gone. Your children may be RELIEVED that the chaos is over. You can establish calm. Your children may be acting up and needing counseling because of the constant lack of uncertainty that comes of your H's disappearing acts.

Cherished

lostnhurt -

I'm still having fun in Seattle. But I have to go home tomorrow afternoon. It has been a wonderful vacation. We did all the regular Seattle things, plus lots of fishing, crabbing, clamming and kyaking.

We stayed with my sister, and had a great time every day.

The funny thing is, that since I have been so surrounded by family, I have not thought about WH at all.

I think you really need to get your ducks in a row for Plan B. Get a letter ready, figure out how you are going to do the childcare and visitation thing.

If you are not feeling better, please see your doctor. You can go into an inpatient program and let WH worry about the kids. That might be good for him.

I will talk to you again tomorrow night, when I am back home. Still praying for you.

Dear friends, thank you. I think I am closer to Plan B emotionally now.

I already had a Plan B letter drafted, and an intermediary. The only thing I need is to fighure out about the kids. Probably he can only see them Saturday. I want them back Sunday so I can take them to church. Weekdays, they have to stay with me b/c I will be home. But sometimes I think that is not fair. When I feel better, i will post the letter in a different thread to ask for opinion. Another thing I need is how do i initiate the conversation? How do i tell him to move out. I wish he askes for moving out by himself, instead of me asking him out. Well, whatever it is, he has to be out.

I just don't feel well enough these few day, extremely tired. That is why I didn't post much yesteday. I may go to bed again now. I just feel so weak, and shaking. I did eat, so I don't know what it is.

hello lost,
i did have a pretty good weekend. i'll talk more about it on my thread.

as far as your situation goes there's a few points on what to hit on...

a doctor can help a lot, whether it is just for medication management or by seeing a counselor to help you as well. the usual length of treatment of "depression" w/medication is 12-18months. i think in your situation you would need a MINIMUM of 6 months on a medication. now of course, as many others have said, sometimes it takes a couple of tries to find the medication that best for you. so any time you "try" a medication it should be for at least 2 weeks. that gives it time to start working and time for you to see how you feel. if during the 4th week you still can't see a difference then your doctor can either increase the same medication or change you to another medication. the purpose of medication (anti-depressants) is not really to make you feel "better" but more to stabilize your mood and when that happens a lot of times you can feel "better." then you can use the xanax when you are having bad days or having a hard time going to sleep. i'm not saying that everyone here has to be on medications only that i think in your situation, i would very much like for you to consider it (treatment for at least 6 months) and that's coming more from my nursing background.

yes, please post the plan b letter in another thread to get more responses. i think i even saw a thread here recently that had sample B letters. what's more, i think you should let us know more of all the specifics. such as, you say you have an intermediary, well, who is it (not their name) but who are they to you and your family, do they understand their purpose and what your goal is? also, if you are concerned w/all the free time your H has and the unfairness of it (rightfully so) then tell us what his schedule is and what thoughts you have. i think saturdays are good for him to have but if he has to work, then what? i think wanting the kids on sunday in order to takt them to church is EXCELLENT. after all they are being molded to be believers as well.

the reason why i say to post the specifics is because people here will be able to read and ask you questions that you may not have considered before. i am one for being prepared, that's probably part of my problem in all this is that i don't want to feel unprepared again and that boils down to control. anyway, that's my issue. so by posting the specifics and exploring all the issues w/the people here who have gone through siimilar situations, you will be the most prepared you can be, even if it's just about the issue of kicking him out and then giving him the letter or if it's giving him the letter then kicking out. i think you get what i'm saying.

enough about that...were you able to get in touch w/the animal shelter? if not, that's okay maybe just concentrate on getting plan b prepared right now and then you can do the animal volunteer thing after plan b is started.

i've got some questions for you that i will email to you. i probably won't be able to do it until the end of the day. but anyway, hang in there and prayers to you, God Bless, RR

I just don't feel well at all. But I don't know what it is. I am so tired, feeling very cold and fatigue. I went to bed 10am, with 3 layer of covers, and still felt cold. But I felt asleep for almost 2 hours. I finally prayed and asked Jusus to help me. Now I got up, but still feel shaky. Is it just the side affect of Celexa? But it was not like this last time I tool them.

Believer, wishing you a safe trip home. Prayers for you.

LNH,

Those symptoms you mention, while I may be totally wrong, don't sound like anything that Celexa should cause. When I first start A/Ds, sometimes I get more anxious or nervous. I have problems sleeping. Some forms (Paxil) made me yawn really bad, and then when I'd yawn I'd have tremors. Once in a while I'll have little "electrical zap" feelings in my arms or legs when I move.

All of those either never happened or passsed quickly on Celexa.

Your feeling cold and tired could be depression, or it could be from you lacking vitamins or minerals if you're not eating well. Are you taking vitamins with minerals or iron?

LL

LL, I take multivitamin everyday. This morning I had a bagel and tea. But I just felt so cold. I had lunch too. Now I just vacumed the house to have some excersice, I feel a little bit warmer, but still shaking. Wish some Dr. here to tell me what it is.

LNH,

I was cold all day today. Had my space heater on at work and had it up to almost 80 in my office. I also had no energy. I could have fallen asleep with my head on the keyboard. No concentration either.

The chill must be emotionally-related. I had an emotional meltdown tonight. You can check out my "fog" post. I won't bore you on here.

I do feel for your pain. How I felt tonight I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have felt if I were in a good, dark Plan B. I didn't think I had any feelings left for WH. I do.

LL

Hello Ladies, today is another day, prayers to you.

Lostnhurt,

I think that at least some of your physical symptons may improve with a move to Plan B. Like you, I had a religious commitment to marriage that was so great I was willing to "forgive" behavior from my husband that was thoughtless.

Reflect on the fact that there is a hell for those who do not repent (turn away). God does not tolerate our persisting in treating others badly, and I don't think he asks us to tolerate thoughtless behavior from our spouse. Disappearing acts are thoughtless.

I went through a lot trying to reconcile my religious commitment to a convenantial marriage with staying married to a man who betrayed me and hurt me physically and then turned around and told his family "It's all up to Kathy to forgive me". If it had been all up to me, then that was easy: I was the one who had to change! My physical reaction was to gain 40 pounds, but everyone is different. Now I know it is up to my H to change, and I can't make him. I can change to accomodate his needs, but he also has to change to be a good husband for me.

Plan B is not giving up. Plan B is recognition of your own dignity that you don't deserve to be treated this way.

Cherished

Cherished, LL and RR, good morning. I am working on my Plan B letter now. I can't wait to move to Plan B. WH was talking about cutting the lawn for the whole sumer, trimming the tree, etc, like he has plan here for the whole summer. I hope that he will wake up soon. Otherwise he will be cutting someone else's lawn.

Believer, Are you home safe and sound? Just check on you. Miss you and prayers for you.

lostnhurt - Good morning. I was mixed up on the day we are going home. It is today. I will be home in Oceanside at 8:00PM your time.

Hang in there. You will get through this..

Believer, I am glad that you didn't mix up the flight the other way. Guess I am not the only one who mixed up days and times. I do that often. But you will be home soon. Hope you have a happy flight.

My only concern is that my situation is different than others. My WH wants out of the M, the A maybe over, other WHs wants to reconcile, but can not break off the A. SO if I kick him out to Plan B, do I just push him away? Please help me, my faith is so weak.

regardless whether the A is over or not it's time for plan B. this poem is for you:

One night a man had a dream. he dreamed he was walking along the beach w/the Lord. across the sky flashed scenes from his life. for each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him and the other to the Lord. When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. he noticed that mnay times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. he also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life. this really bothered him and he questions the Lord about it.

"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk w/me all the way. but i have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. i don't understand why when i needed you most you would leave me. the Lord replied, "my son, my precious child, I love you and would never leave you. during your times of trial and siffereing, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."


I'm sure you've read and heard this Footprints poem before but it never hurts to read/hear it again. God Bless, RR

RR, thank you for the encouragement. I do feel that GOD is carrying me. Otherwise, I would have fallen already. But I still feel so weak. Please keep me in your prayer.

I will definitely counsel with SH again before going to Plan B. I will need to talk to my intermediary too about the details. But most important,I need to get myself moving. I need to get busy physically!!!

I think that I will do pretty good for no contact in Plan B. Wh did not call whole day yestreday and today. Of course, when he disappeared, he did not call either, he owuld not take call either. I just feel that my heart is shattered.

LNH,

The only teeny piece of advice I could offer right now regarding going to Plan B is something that was told to me several times...

"If what you're currently doing isn't working, it's time to change plans."

I probably should take this to heart, too, since I had my little emotional breakdown last night. I know I also need to do a true Plan B. I didn't think being in contact was a problem since my feelings have been so missing and since I'm still not sure I want him back, but when I'm feeling weak and vulnerable and I do something non-thinking like go to his shop and plant a hug on him, I fall to pieces. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Makes me miss what once was...

I think you're doing great. You've Plan A'd long enough that your LB is now low enough that you're ready for Plan B. I also think it's probably a good idea to talk to SH one more time, just to make sure you have a good solid plan.

LL

LL, I know. My sister said the same thing too. But whenever I thought of not having an H, my heart just goes so sore. I feel terrible now.