Don't think too far into the future. No one knows what is going to happen.

Don't think of not having a H anymore. Think of Plan B as temporary.

I haven't read my Al-Anon books for a while, but happened to read one of the daily readings just a few minutes ago, and it's fitting to your (and my) situation.

Here it is, paraphrased:

"In the face of seemingly impossible problems, it is easy to believe that our most negative thoughts reflect the truth..... No matter how insistent a feeling may be, it is just a feeling, not a prophecy.....We can try to make wise choices today, but what will happen in the future is out of our hands."

We need to trust that God will direct us and help us make our decisions, and that whatever happens, that he is using it to help us grow as Christians.

I know it's hard to see any of that when you're hurting so badly. I've been there, too. Thankfully, I'm feeling a little better tonight than I did last night. I believe the reason is that I have been focusing on God and trying hard to NOT think about WH.

I will say a short prayer for you before I go to bed.

LL

lostnhurt -

Well I am back home. Everything went well. I stayed with my sister for 9 days. We had a wonderful time. She cried and cried when we left today.

My father is extremely sick with congestive heart failure and prostate cancer that has spread. So I really needed to see him too.

I also talked to my mother and sister about what would happen when my father gets much sicker. My mother did not want to talk about it. My sister did not want to talk either.

So it was real hard. My mother said that she is the boss of her house, and she will do what she has to. But she is almost 80. I told her that she is the boss, but I want to help.

I can take 6 months off work to take care of my father, and still get paid. I told my mother about this, and she finally agreed. My sister agreed too. She is a partner in a law firm, and works constantly. So the plan is that I will go stay with mother and father, and help them.

During all of this, I did not think about WH at all. I need to help my family. I will do that. WH is just a distant memory for me now.

Sorry to hijack your thread. The last 10 days have been wonderful for me, but also sad.

Believer, I've been thinking of and praying for you all the time. I am so glad that you are home safe and sound. I am sorry for your father's situation. But your family is realy blessed by GOD that you can have a chance to take care of him. You are such a wonderful gift from GOD. It reminds me that I need to be closer to my parents.

LL, thank you so much. I know that I don't ned to worry, there is no need to worry. I can't controll everything. Why do I worry the thing that I can not control? I love your prayer. I am thankful for everything you mentioned. I knew all these and prayed and thanked GOD. But I still feel so bitter, sad, and down. SO, this morning, after dropping DD to school, I prayed out loud in the car: Jesus, I praise you, thank you. Help me to cast satan away. Tears came out, I felt better.

I know I am whining again.

I just feel so sad and hopeless, from inside. Why don't I feel the joy? I prayed so hard to get the inner peace, but satan keep coming. I feel so hopeless. I question myself why do I live? What do I live for?

do you need some more 2x4's? thinkin that you might, you need to get out of this negative thinking and yes, you are whining a little.

i put something in the mail for you yesterday and hopefully that will put a smile on your face and your daughters. i don't have much time to post today, i'm starting to get really behind and need to do a lot of catching up. but anyway, my mom has sent me a lot of cards over the past few months and some of them have been so perfect, beautiful, supportive, etc. that it seems they were just written for me. God sent those cards to me through my mom and i'm going to type one of them here now.

"when you are hurting, come to me and i will bind your wounds. when you need to be assured, come to me and i will give you my embrace. when you can no longer go on, come to me and i will carry you. when you need comfort, come to me and i will wipe your tears. when you are uncertain of my love, come to me and i will speak my heart to you. always rmember that in your need you are coming to the one who came for you. may you be comforted by the one who invites us to come to him (God)."

matthew 11:28 "come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and i will give you rest."

God bless, RR

RR, please bang me. I need 2x4's. I need to wake up. But I couldn't lift myself up. I don't feel like to do anything. Nothing is meaningful and worth doing. I even have no one to talk to. The phone doesn't ring either. I felt that I am forgotten by the world.

Believer, you are home! How was your flight?

I am down again. Please bang me with a 2x4 for whining. I called the animal network again and left a message,s till no answer. I called the community school where offers classes, they are closed for the summer. DO you have more idea for what to do to get rid of WH in my mind? I can't help thinking him. I haven't heard of his voice since yesterday morning. I know it is nothing, but it is so hard for me. Tell me what I should do?

lostnhurt -

Give yourself a break. Of course you are going to be sad. You are going through a sad time right now, but it will not always be that way. That is what you need to remember.

I have been trying to call you, but realized that you are not home. Hang in there and believe that you will have brighter days again.

Believer, I am home actually. That is why I am so sad. But I am going to take a walk now and hope to lift my mind a little bit.

Believer, I got your message. Thank you for calling. It was my cell phone I left upstairs, that was why I didn't hear it.

Just got an e-mail from WH, he asked me whether to go to boy scout picnic tomorrow evening. I really don't know whether I want to go. First, I may meet my intermedairies tomorrow evening, or Sat. evening. Second, the picnic place is about 1 mile from his work, he will drive by himself there. I am afraid that after the picnic he will be gone again, that hurts a lot.

Should I go or not? Or just have him take the kids to go?

LNH,

Are you okay today? Your threads have been very silent...

Just checking up on you.

LL

checking in too.

prayers to you, RR

Friends, thank you for checking into me.

Last night, WH was home. But I didn't have much chance to talk to him, and he was so cold anyway. I don't want to be annoying, one way I felt sad too. I asked him whether he wanted to do the lesson, he said, no. I fuessed that is about it in our M. I went to bed.

This morning, I woke up feeling chill again. After dropping D to school, I went back to bed and told WH to take care of S. But S didn't like him, they fought. It ended up I had to get up to take care of him, he dropped him to school. I went back to bed, shivering with 3 layer of covering and a hot pad. But I felt asleep. THen my mom, sister's boyfriend and sister called. They all comforted me. I finally got up at 12:00.

Yesterday, I talked to the pastor in Canada. He told me to praying and fasting. SO I didn't eat anything today except drinking some tea. I felt ok, just headache. I want to sleep again.

After I got up, I went grocery shopping and just came back. On the way, I listening the radio of family life. One message was talking about the eternal life, surprisingly, my mom, sis and her boyfriend all told me the similar thing. I think GOD is talking to me today with this subject. I need to rely on him more.

I am not going to sit in front of computer too much, otherwise I will clue to it. But I will come back to check once a while. THanks, friends. I still don't feel very strong yet, but I will.

lostnhurt - Glad to see you posting. Yes, you will feel good again. You just have to go through the pain. I was completely, totally miserable. Now I feel great. You will too.

Believer, thank you. You always give me the best encouragement. Are you still at home? When do you go back to work? Did you receive the e-mail I sent to you a while ago?

Hope you have a great day.

didn't i tell you the programs on that radio network are good? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> sounds like you are doing better and i am so very glad. yes, it is a "rough road" we are going down but you have us and most importantly, God. i can't wait to get my mail and see what you sent me. i gotta go for the weekend but i'll be thinking and praying for you as always. i'll miss you but will "talk" to you on monday. God Bless, RR

I am in my office now, there is still about 15 min. before the class starts.

WH didn't come home again last night. He said he will take the kids to Chinese school. I had no idea where he was. Just called him and asked where he is about. He told me in the car onthe way home. I know he is lying, it was so quiet on the other end.

I feel like I am in Plan B already. No contact, no phone calls, nothing. But I will be strong, I can get over all these.

Lostnhurt,
You're not in Plan B. Plan B is about telling your H that he is not welcome until and unless he is considerate towards you.

The Plan you're in now is hoping that your H will see the light before you remove yourself from his presence. Right now, you're available to him whenever he wants. In Plan B, he comes back under very specific conditions.

Cherished

Just finished teaching. I am so exauhsted, but don't want to go home. WH is with the kids. I don't want to see him leaving, it hurts.

lostnhurt -

Glad to see you here again. I am reading a book right now that is probably not a marriagebuilders book. It is called "Why Men Love *****es". It is not what it sounds like. But it does tell about how men get bored with a woman who does everything for them.

You might want to check it out.