Believer, what is the author of that book?

Yesterday, I came home exauhsted and went straight for bed for 2 hours. WH was home and was sitting inthe front of computer again. After I woke up from the nap, I went bike riding with S and rented a movie Bruce Almighty. DD went baby sitting and WH was still sitting in front of computer. We enjoyed the sun and the ride so much. We stopped to read the historical signs and found some fish in a little creek. I found out the DD gave me a lot of pain too by her whining and complaining.

After DD came home, she said she wanted to have mid east food, so we went out to have it. But S ate too much and had a stomach ache. Our evening ended with watching the movie. It was a great one, funny and educational. I hope that WH will get the point.

Today DD gave me a lot of headahce again, she didn't want to get up. S and I went to church without her. I prayed so hard for her and WH in church. Now I just finished a hair cut to WH and S. WH went out with D to get something. It seemed that they develope a good relationship, and I hope it lasts.

I will meeat my intermedaries tomorrow evening to discuss Plan B details. I really hope that I don't have to go into it, but if it is GOD's will, I will do it.

lostnhurt -

The book is by Sherry Argov. It is really good. I wish I had read it a long time ago. It describes so much of our marriage. It is like the more I did, the less WH did. It started out great, but over the years, I did more and more, and finally he did nothing.

Well I have to go back to work tomorrow - Ugh. I love my job, and am really grateful for it, but when I go on vacation, no one does my work, and I come back to piles and piles. I usually even go in and work on the weekend for free just to get caught up.

I have a roommate now and he is very very good looking. He is very nice to be around, cheerful and considerate.

Believer, I am glad things work out to you, roommate, work and everything. Do work too hard tomorrow when you go back to work,take it step by step.

You are very right about doing things for WH, I am scaling back. Like today, WH mowed the lawn again. I would not touch that lawn mower as long as he is here and doing it. I will get that book and read it.

lostnhurt -

Get the book. It is very good. I made many mistakes by taking care of too many things - finances, cooking, cleaning, his kids and mine, yard work, my car, shopping, relatives, EVERYTHING. I thought I was being a good helpmate.

But as the book explains, if you do too much in the relationship, they begin to take advantage of it, and you become "old faithful" instead of their lover. They get bored.

I went and bought some new shoes today, a dress, and some pants. I also planted some Japanese Maple trees. I have to get off computer now. My roommate wants to use the phone.

hello lost, checking in w/you after the weekend. sounds like it was okay. let us know what the intermediaries say. just want to make sure they understand their role and will do what you ask-sometimes this might mean reminding YOU of plan B. have you made an appt w/SH yet to go over your letter and plan? let us know when that is and what he says. i have a lot to catch up on at work and i'll type more later. prayers to you, RR

Good morning, RR and Believer and other friends,

Weekend was ok, but I just felt the insecurity, just like that anything will be gone in the next minute. I kept telling myself to enjoy every minute I had with the family.

Yesterday afternoon, Wh asked the kid where they wanted to go, they said go fishing. But he when out shopping with DD. S and I were home digging worms, but they didn't come home till 6pm. Then he said he was hungry. Fortunately i had dinner ready, so we ate quickly and went fishing in a little lake. S got the biggest one, and D got another big one the last minute. It was a lot of fun. We got to see the sunset too. The kids both told me that the cloud look so beautiful, it maybe GOD. I was looking at it and praying, the fish went off the hook.

After the kids went to bed, I watched NBA with WH which I did not do at all before. It seemed that he like that I watched with him. We talked about the game, but I found that I don't know any of the players. Guess i have a lot to learn.

Well, WH went out shopping and bought a set of DVD player and sound equipment. I didn't know why he bought it and without talking to me. Talk about POJA! But then he said: I was going to buy some hand saop, but I didn't know whether you like it. Why did he buy a $300 equipment without thinking of me, instead about when he wanted to buy saop? Am I just worth for the saop?

But anyway, he was installing the DVD palyer in my room. I just don't unsestand. I had one already they(VCD), I don't watch too much. He doesn't live in the master bedroom anymore, what for? I asked him what he wanted to do with the old one, he said we can give it to my parents. We have another DVD player downstairs. I just think that he is out of mind.

Well, I will meet my intermediaries to explain to them the meaning of Plan B and show them the letter. I haven't had an appointment with SH yet. I am waiting for some information before I made the decision for Plan B. Of course, I still wish that I don't have to go to Plan B. We will see.

Last night, I went to my friends house. The couple will serve as my intermediary. When i explained to them the situation and what plan B is, they agreed that it maybe the best I can do right now, b/c WH is getting to comfy for what he is doing now. I am still very scared, but I will keep praying very hard for GOD's guidance for this. I also pray for myself to have strangth and patience to do that.

This morning, I went to D's school to serve their pancake breakfast. It was fun. Now I am in the library, but the air condition is getting too cold for me. I kept feeling this cold and chill lately. I have to go home to have some hot air instead. We are suppose to go to to 92 today.

hey lost, hope you are dong okay, i didn't get to type much yesterday, lots of stuff to catch up on after the weekend.

i'm not sure what to say about the DVD thing, sound just like more of your H's confusing behavior. i think you just need to proceed on your course until he "shows" or "tells" you that thigns are other wise different. remember to plan A until plan B.

how did the meeting w/the intermediaries go last night. type when you can, i gotta go, prayers to you, RR

we must have been typing at the same time, just saw your post about the meeting w/the intermediaries. glad it went okay and that you will have more support and help. God bless, RR

I don't know what is wrong with me. I felt so cold in the library, then came home straight to bed. Slept for 2 hours until a client called. The lonely feeling creeped in now. I have to find something active to do.

LNH,

Sorry--haven't posted in a while. I wasn't on very late last night.

First, sounds like your intermediary meeting went well. When (if) you decide to Plan B, you have things in order.

Second, have you gone to your doctor lately to make sure there's nothing they can do for your exhaustion and your feeling cold all the time? I'm sure it's just depression, but it never hurts to get a professional opinion.

I agree, staying busy and not thinking of WH is the key to staying calm. I am having problems with headaches the last couple days which always make me more moody, and this morning I found myself thinking about WH and the vacation we took together with the kids not quite a year ago.

I could still remember us driving down out of the California desert in the night and he and the kids seeing the expanse of the L.A. lights for the first time (I've been to CA before).

I started crying. I cried all the way to work. I sent him a text reminding him of the trip. I walked into the office with watery eyes and a pink nose. Not good! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I think I'm also a little blue because he called this morning to say insurance is close to settling on his wrecked truck and that someone is interested in buying it, wrecked, from him, along with the camper of ours that he is currently living in.

I know I'd never stay in that camper again--I know what has gone on there with he and OW. And I think it would be good to sell it, and probably his truck, and him get a car that gets better mileage (which would then rule out camping forever, though, even if we got back together--no truck to pull a camper).

However, if he loses his camper "home", he is probably looking at two options--come home (which I don't think he's ready for and I'm not either), OR move to an apartment which at this point, OW would move into as well (he already told me that'd happen if he gave up the camper).

It's sort of weird. One minute I don't want him back because I don't want the marriage we had before and I certainly don't want what he currently is, but on the other hand when I think about all the things of "ours" going away (the truck we special-ordered, our camper), I feel a loss and I wonder if deep down inside I'm not ready to let him go.

I'm monopolizing your thread with my whining, so I'll quit now!

LL

I know I have better let the Dr. chack out what is wrong withme. My heart is ponding and I feel dizzy now. But chances are when you go there, they will say everything is normal. Maybe tomorrow.

My mom just called. She said my dad wanted to called me, but he was afraid of WH would get mad. I felt so bad about what he said. He is my father, he should stand up for me and confront WH. I feel sorry for myself too.

WH didn't call me at all of course. But he left some vacation brochure and print out for picnic on the counter. I don't know what he meant. He didn't talk to me about them. It really bothers me with his attitude. I know I should put him in the back burner, but how do I?

Oh, the lonly feeling again. I just don't know how to get rid off it. I am when I go home, Wh will leave right away for basket ball game and not come home at all. I hate that act so much. How do other people deal with things like this?

lostnhurt - You can do this. Just keep biding your time until Plan B. Do some things with your kids, and yourself. This will not last forever.

I will hang in here. Believer, how do you feel now? I wish we are closer, so we can go fishing together.

I am doing much better. My boys caught 2 trouts last night and they were yummy.

Tonight I am making your fried rice dish and orange chicken. In Seattle we went to a gourmet Chinese restaurant. They made orange chicken out of chicken breasts. Boy was it good. So I am cooking that tonight.

Good for you, Believer. I should post more Lost receipts soon.

WH is gone again. No more lessons.

When I came home, DD asked me this: when are you going to D with daddy? I asked her why she asked. She said she saw the conselor today, theconselor told her to ask me, so she can move on with her life if we divorce. I told her that we are working on the M. Mom doesn't want a D. She said why? The conselor told her that people maybe happier after D. Since her dad is not happy, it may be better to D soon.

I was so angry with this conselor. I will call her tomorrow. What do I say to her besides telling her that she has nothing to do of my M and telling D such nonsense. Should I fire her?

LNH,

I am very apprehensive when I work with a counselor for that very reason. I have met too many of them that believe the solution for everything is to D and move on. I think they're are trained to help people work through things like D, and not to stay amd work on things like M.

I realize at this point my heart is not in my M like it was, but I still don't need anyone telling me or my children how to work though a D. Not until I'm ready. And the same goes for you and your family.

My DD's office manager at her school, while DD and I both like her, has told Kaitlin that WH and I will end up D. Her H left her some time ago for OW. Okay, so maybe we will; maybe we won't. It's no one else's business (people on this board excepted, because you all are going through the same thing), to tell one of us we should D.

The counselor needs to understand that you are trying to save your M, and she needs to be working with your daughter with that in mind.

LL

LL, you are very right. I am going to call the conselor. But sge is not in her office today.

I will be going to DD's school and join them to walk to a park. Just got up again. I am so tired lately, always want to sleep.

Mt friends, RR, Believer, LL, and all, how are you today? Hope you all have agood day today.

i can't believe what that counselor said! i guess it should come as to no surprise being in the world that we are in and the total disregard to the sanctity of marriage. but anyway, please talk to the counselor as soon as you can. if she cannot turn what she said to your daughter around and counsel her w/regards that D is not the answer to everything then i would find another counselor. if you contact Dr. Dobson's organization focus on the family they whould be able to help you find a counselor in your area.

remember what i said about the recipe book? it's a good idea and something that you can do for your daughter and would be a nice legacy. you can do one in english and one in chinese. gotta go, prayers to you, RR