She is being the typical teenage daughter. Of course she will take out her feelings on you. It is not safe for her to be that way with her dad.

Hang in there. I know it is hard, but you must do it.

Believer, thank you. I will hang in here. But I feel very lonely and empty, tired.

Have you tried anti-depressants yet? You might do that. I went to doctor for checkup today, and she told me that I am on a very low dose, and raised it. They really help me, but I have been having trouble sleeping again. I have to get back in Plan B.

I wish you would take better care of YOU. There are lots of stresses in your life right now. But it will not always be this way.

Your WH has not left. What is up with that? Remember when you thought he was moving out? And he is still coming and going, but seems to be interacting with you some.

The whole stereo thing was strange. I think he is starting to change.

Believer, I am on Celexa now. You just reminded me to take one. I am very confused by his coming and going. It seemed that he tried so hard to satyed, but he was just so bored here. I am tired of that, we have no R talk now. It is just b/c I am so tired. I can sleep, w/o nightmare. Guess that is a good thing. I am taking care of myself, I can eat now, and gain couple pounds. I just want this whole thing over soon.

Is your WH depressed at all? One of the signs is not enjoying anything. Does he like his job?

I'm so glad you are taking something. You need to rest up for the big recovery struggle.

Have you hit him up for SF lately?

I think Wh is very much depressed and MLC too. He has no interest in anything except SF. But now he lost that too, there was no chance for me to induce him or he didn't let me to.

Buy a new outfit from Victoria's Secret, and walk around him in it. Might work. Since that was a big need for him before, it might be the way to get him to hang around.

Hey check out Baba's post on the EN board under MC,MB. That girl knows her stuff!

Well, he is very cold and distant to me. He even didn't want to look at me. I am too skinny and flat chest. I don't know how well the result of victoria secret on me. It may make him sick.

My you are down tonight. He loved you and married you. You are quite pretty and smart too. Winning combinations.

We have to get you feeling better and rested up. I just have the idea that something (good) is going on with your husband.

Believer, I am sorry. I should have said good night to you last night. Please forgive me. I was dizzy and having headache. Now just got up. My sleep was broken many pieces. I have to get the kids up and go to church.

WH is no where to be found again, but who cares. It makes no difference if he is here or not physically. It just disturb my mind and emotion.

Have a nice time at church. I will be there too. I will pray for you and all the others here.

Believer, thank you. I will pray for you too.

WH just called. He told me that some friend invited us to lunch, he was coming to pick us up at 12 noon. No discussion, just TOLD me. Should i go or just say no?

Go - and have a great time. I know this is nerve racking, but I think WH is coming around.

Ok, I told him to pick us up in the church. I hope GOD's light will shine on him.

I don't think he is coming around. He just want his cake eaten, want to have a family and has onw "freedom". This will lead him to plan B soon.

And that is fine if you end up in Plan B. It will be okay. You have done a great Plan A.

I do see changes in your husband. He is doing different things. I am very hopeful.

She said yeh, you told me you are going to change yourself, but it is not good. you got to be yourself.

Just HOW smart ~is~ your kid !! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Reassure her... your changes are still going to be you ...

"I did not explain all of my plans to you....

Let me reassure you, I am not changing myself to make someone else happy.... or to try and be someone I am not...

no

I am changing myself to become the best person I possibly can. I am becoming the best ME ....

Adults need to grow and learn, just like kids.

You will grow and learn about being the best YOU possible ... all of your life, not just when you are a child."

Pep

LNH,

Did you end up going to lunch with your H? If so, how did it go?

I'm glad you're feeling well enough to eat a little and that you're sleeping better. You need to get physically healthy and then I think that will have an impact on your emotional health.

You are starting to get stronger. I can tell in your posts. It will get better.

How is your daughter doing? When does she see her counselor again? Do you think things are settled with her not bringing up the idea of D again, or are you going to switch counselors?

As for your Victoria's Secret issue, being really "lacking" in certain areas myself, I do know the frustration of not being able to find lingerie that fits from there. My WH was never into that so it didn't matter to him. I just wanted it for myself. Most of their sexy stuff has cups in the top which obviously doesn't work for me, but I do have a very pretty long gown I got from there a few years ago that has draped fabric sort of a like a swag neckline a slit up one side almost to my waist. It's very nice.

Too bad my H fell asleep before I came out of the bathroom the night I initially wore it for him and I took it off and hung it up and have only worn it a couple times since, just to sleep in. Now there's no one to wear it for except myself. (And frankly I find my dalmation boxers and little gray t-shirt more comfy at this point.)

I'll try and catch up on reading on here tomorrow. I haven't been on here much this weekend with being gone so have just done the "quickie" scan of posts, and I'm leaving for Florida with the kids Tuesday afternoon for a week's vacation. I'll miss all of you, but hopefully will stay busy enough to keep my mind off things.

LL

Thanks friends for posting on me. Was just busy these couple days. But i am still around. It is good to be busy. I have few more minutes to class now. I will update myself when coming back.

Pepper, thank you for your compliment for my D. She is smart, but I hope that she can use her wisdom in the right way.

Well, I went to lunch yesterday. WH came to church picked up us when the service was still going. He didn't come in the church, just called me from the parking lot. But I didn't answer his call, the ring was off anyway. A long time friend with his wife was visiting from CA. So we went to lunch with them and another family. We all went to the same college in the 80's in MI for our graduate degrees, I and other two guys were in the same U in China. So it is long history. The 3 families went to Yellowstone Park in 2001.

When we saw the couple, WH said to his wife, you are very sexy, and some other things he thought he was humourous and joking. She said you could have said you look nice. I felt very embarassed as before, but I didn't say anything. Before, I would tell him stop it. I guessed that was not the right way either. I don't know what is the appropriate way to deal with this. That was one of the problem between us too. Then after lunch, we tried to take pictures for 3 couples. The other H's were putting their arms around their W's, but Wh didn't. They asked why not, he just refused. I didn't care. Anyway, I don't know how long this M can last.

Besides these incidence, we basically had good time. We went to a park along the river for long walk and relax. It was so hot and humit, everyone got a headache from it. The friend left for home after that. We went home tired, S complained headache.

After dinner, I had to meet a client for mortgage. An elder's W from church called me and I talked to her before coming home. We prayed which made me feel better. But when I arrived home at about 10pm, S was crying so hard b/c of his headache. Wh was glued to the couch to watch the basketball game, totally ignored S. I was really angry with him. So I went to calm S down and fell asleep with him. When I woke up it was already 11:30. Wh told me a high school friend called me from China, I was too exsuhsted to call her back and went to bed.

But at 2am, I heard some one told me, S was crying again. I walked to his room half asleep wondering who was the person who told me that. When I got to S, trying to calm him down, about 10 min, then realized that was WH. I felt so strange that I even didn't know who he was. It took me more than 30 min to put S to sleep, his headache woke him up, but he refused to take any tylenol. I ended up sleeping with him in his bed.

This morning, I woke up at about 8am. Then I had to get the kids up for VBS. S was attending classes, D and I were helpers. We did have good time for half of a day. After that I took D for her orthodontics appointment. We didn't get home till 2:30pm. I took a long nap before coming to work.

It is good to be busy. I felt numb about WH now. I have a mixed feeling about him. One way I don't want to D, but I don't want to have the same H. The way he behaved yesterday seemed that the old H coming back a little, but it was not the part I like. last time my mom saw him, she said he changed, b/c he was not that blabbling. It was b/c of his A. But now that part is back, I don't like it. What should I do?

LNH,

Not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but if you're starting to feel numb, that's how I felt at the beginning of feeling better.

I still have days where I think the same thing you do, "Maybe I do want H back, but not in his current state."

Are your son's headaches related to his nosebleeds? Does he have sinus problems? I know his health issues and your daughter's behavior issues have to be weighing heavily on you as you deal with things with your WH.

But on the other hand, maybe God is allowing some of it to be this way because it keeps you focused on other things besides your WH? I don't want to try and guess what God is up to. I just try and trust.

I will miss posting to you while I'm in Florida. If I can find web access at Disney World, I may check in once or twice. I was thinking there are some computers at Innoventions in Epcot that we used to get to websites once.

Take care!! You'll be in my thoughts. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LL