LL, hope you will have good time in FL.

Not much things dramatically happened. Cousin called me yesterday, but I was too tired to call her back. I will sometime.

Yesterday, I received the credit card bill showing charges from MB. WH asked me how come they still cahrged after the seminar? He forgot that he had talked to SH. I told him that was the conseling session fee. He said, are you still talking to him? I said yes. He mumbled, it doesn't help. I don't know what he meant. Then after the kids went to bed, we watched Mystic River together. It is a sad movie. We didn't say mouch to each other.

Then we trid to have SF. But he couldn't finish. It never happened like that before. He was always strong and always wanted. Now it seemed that he needs Viagra. Is that one of the normal behavior of WH?

Probably is something to do with guilt. Or he might just be tired. But at least he gave it a shot.

Have you been giving him lots of admiration - like telling him how much you appreciate the work he did on the sound system in your bedroom?

Believer, I forgot to tell him the DVD system. Actually I didn't like it. Kids always watched movie at my room. But I should show him my appreciation.

It just seems to me that he was trying to do something. I would rent a DVD and watch it in room, and then tell him how much you enjoyed it. Or invite him to join you.

Your WH is doing some things. Many WS's don't. Who knows what it means, but I would be sure to let him know that I noticed them.

What do I tell him? I think that he is thinking to move out.

Yesterday, I noticed that he sat by us reading news paper. Then he filled out a suvey. At the end it was asking for the marital status. He shook his head and sighed, finally filled in the box M. I didn't say anything. But I should have participated him.

Believer, I am going home now. Talk to you later.

You have been saying your WH is going to move out for a long time. He is still with you.

Also, although he does not say wonderful things about you, he does not say hateful things.

He still comes home, still helps with things, still cooks.

So I still have lots of hope for your marriage.

The moment I walked in the house, WH zoomed out. He said I am going to the bar to watched the game. I asked him that whehter he will come home and be careful if Piston wins. he said no, I am going to co-worker's house to watch, I will stay there. Hm????

Believer, I feel very numb, I want this to end soon, one way or another. I can't deal with this anymore.

Lostnhurt,
I have reached a state of calm, and I hope that you get there soon too. Last night, my H said that he is depressed. He wants to play golf, he wants to watch football on TV, and he wants to run. He can't enjoy life if he is married to me.

I told him, very sincerely, that that is a valid conclusion to reach. If he can't be happy married to me, then I want him to divorce. Everyone would be better off.

I am almost thankful for the affair right now. Had it not occurred, I would have held to my commitment to M "no matter what" and he would have been a H in name only -- gone so much that the kids don't even notice when he isn't here and nasty to me in ways that are very hurtful and degrading.

Lostnhurt, I suspect you may have endured terrible mistreatment and disregard for the sake of a Christian commitment to do God's will, to honor your M vows, and now you see that your H's affair was part of a pattern of disregard, including running off to do what he pleases.

This is a silly analogy, but I always thought that people who cheat on expense statements eventually get caught because they don't know how much is cheating a little. They want more and more. A selfish guy who uses his wife's religious commitment to M will eventually expose himself as no H at all -- and then it is up to the W to define the conditions she will accept for creating a M.

I am feeling much better. At this point, I'll know I'll be OK no matter what he decides. I have a life to lead. Before the A even started, I remember telling Tom, "My life is not dependent on what Sophia does." It occurred to me at the time that maybe my life shouldn't be dependent on what Tom does. I now know that is true.

I am with you in thought and prayer.
Cherished

Cherished, thank you for the prayer. I am almost to the calm stage now. Now matter what he wants, I will be ok. Even though, occasionally, I still have down days.

I am in the fork road now, plan A or B, I have to choose. I just got an e-mail from the pastor I was working with. He adviced me to go an extra mile. But I will see him next week, and pray together. Hopefully to get an answer from GOD.

Lostnhurt,
Plan B is "going the extra mile." You aren't giving up on him. You are going the "extra mile", removing yourself from him so that he has time and space to consider how his treatment of you is not what the Bible counsels where it says that a man should love his wife like Christ loves the Church.

Cherished

I know, that is why I want to meet the Pastor and explain it to him. Then we will pray to see what it is.

hey lost, just got caught up on your thread. i've been out of the office the past couple of days and most of today. but i will be in the office tomorrow and will type more then. know that you are still in my prayers and that God is good and will continue to bless you through all this. gotta go, prayers to you, RR

RR, looking forward to hearing your good news tomorrow. I will be busy again tomorrow, helping the VBS in church. Then will take DD to conselor, this will be the last time to see her, I am switch to a different one. DD was helping in the church too, she is happier. Today she face painted for little kids. I can see how much joy in giving.

I just offered the kids to the bookstore for D's favorite authors's autograph, but they declined it. They rather stayed home like me. I guess we are ok with threes company.

This afternoon, WH's Dr. called(this Dr. was our school mate in college too). he told me that Wh's level function is really bad b/c taking Zocor and tell him not to take it anymore. I called WH, but he didn't answer my call. Well, it is his own business.

I had another conversation with D's conselor. She told me that she put D into a group seddion with the kids going though parents seperation or dicorcing. I was not happy at all, at her and Wh. Wh didn't tell me what was going on. I asked her again, did Wh tell you that we are seperated or DVing? She said no, but it seemed that his mind is all set. I told her that I will pull D out of that group and not seeing her anymore. But tomorrow is the last session. D said she doesn't like her wither.

lostnhurt -

A support group with kids her own age may be the best thing for your daughter. Sometimes kids can talk to other kids, and give each other help, much more than parents can.

I am worried about your WH's physical tests. Zocor is good, but sometimes causes liver problems. Is that what the doctor said?

Believer, I don't feel comfortable putting DD into that group b/c all the parents are DVing. That is why she asked me when I am going to D.

WH's liver problem was causing by Zocor. But he didn't answer my call, let him worry about his won problem. I sound very cold hearted right. I am hurt so badly and left alone home, he is somewhere having fun. What can I do?

Lostnhurt,
When I was going through the worst of it, before the A was exposed, I kept telling myself that someday I will have a different perspective on all of this, like going through a tunnel before you see the end of it.

I may not be all the way through the tunnel, but I do have a different perspective. Oddly, I look back and see God's providential care for me in how this occurred -- like the footprints story.

Your H will either be truly remorseful and change or he will not change and you will be faced with the decision to end what is a marriage in name only.

It is frightening to see abusive behavior in our 8 year old son. For his sake and the sake of our three daughters, whom I do not want to marry men who treat them like their father treated their mother, I will not allow a bad marriage to continue. It has been a struggle to let go of the commitment to marriage no matter what.
Cherished

hey lost, hope you are doing okay today. i updated my thread but also emailed you too. sounds like you are getting in the right mindset for plan B or plan "lostnhurt" and Amen to that.

as far as the test results and the medication he is taking? well speaking from a nurse's point of view, it's relative of what to make of it. has he been taking it very long? is this the first time his labwork has been checked since he started the medication? is he on a low dose? has he been taking it like he should? is he taking other medications? is he drinking a lot which can affect the liver? is he watching what he eats? is he exercising? there's a lot of things that can be asked when you have those kind of test results. bottom line though, you can't control him as you well know. you called him and he didn't answer. next time you see him (whenever that is) just tell him. then the ownership of the problem is on him.

enough about that. so now, did i read correctly that you will be meeting and talking w/your pastor from canada soon? are you going there or is he coming to MI? as far as the kids? again, i'm probably not the best to advise on that but please go to family.org if you haven't already. it is the webiste for Dr. Dobson's focus on the family ministry. there is a lot of stuff there for everyone but for your particular problems w/your kids there are a lot of resources there. there are activities, programs (like the last chance detectives and Focus radio theatre), magazines, etc. for kids and for you to help your kids. there is also a resource section for the website that has so many things that you can get to help you like books and CD's. for instance there is Parenting w/love which deals w/the belief that success is having those closest to you love and respect you, there is also an item on strong-willed children.

we just have to tighten up the armor that God has provided us w/during these trying times and how he is w/us always carrying us through one stop to the next. i personally would not take your daughter back to that counselor or the group that she put her in. i agree w/cherised that kids could benefit greatly from being amongst peers in similar situations HOWEVER, this was done unbeknowngst to you and w/out your consent and this particular group has a different objective then the one you are trying to achieve. on the family.org website is a frequently asked question section and one of the questions is if they "can recommend a Christian counselor in my area?" so please check it out and fill out the referral request form and it just might be what you are looking for.

i'm wishing you the best on this rough road and that we just have to stay the course and do what we can for as long as we can. you're going in the right direction, you have come such a long way in your posts. i bet if we took a poll almost everybody would agree to that. God has a plan and direction for your life as well as your family. it's a slow agonizing chipping away process remember but we can do it. prayers and God Bless, RR

RR, Got your e-mail and read it. Only had 3 minutes to post, but a lot to say.

Took D to her conselor, she threaten to report me if I don't take her to a pychiatrist. She thought D is suicidal. But I have a different view point. But anyway, I couldn't get an appointment till July 8(my Anniversary day). She said that if I don't get her in next week, she will report. I really regret taking D to see her. What kind of trouble I am in besides this stupid M.

I am having bad headache now. I will write you an e-mail after class.