LL, thank you for your kind words and the hugs. I need them so badly.

I have to go to bed now. TOmorrow there will be more driving. I even don't knwo how to handle S since WH disappeared again. I guess that I have to dropped D to herr session late.

Anoterh sleepless night. Wh's words and behavior really kiled me. I didn't want to take Xenax, b/c I will be sleepy when driving. Now I am dizzy, light headed. I hope that I am in Plan B already. Now I know how important it is. Plan B next week.

Lostnhurt,
I think the therapists recognize that your marital problems are behind your daughter's behavior.

Could you move to Toronto permanently -- start a new life there near family?
Cherished

I have read your thread and tried to catch up. Your topic line intrigues me "Soon to be in Plan B" and you started May 6, 2004 in which you came back from the MBW and they suggested you move to Plan B in a few weeks.

Fast forward to June 24, 2004...7 weeks later. I think it's time for Plan B.

dear lost, i'm conflicted about the yesterday's events for you. i say that because i think the psychiatrist you and your H talked to did a wonderful job. even though it hurt you to talk about those things, you H was being questioned by someone other than you. LL is right about what your DD is saying, we know that often when people say things it's because of the way they feel about themself. you and your family are going through something that you didn't know you would go through and therefore weren't prepared. how could you be?

you are doing the best that you can. when i first started coming here and reading your posts, many people said do this or that or maybe you should have done this differently, etc. i certainly do not see that now because you are doing a good job and you are not doing things out of anger or haste. you have a plan so just stick to it. talk to the pastor from windsor and talk to SH, then the next day you go to plan B.

i'm sorry i'm just now replying to your posts. i've been busy w/trying to catch up from last week, extra activities w/church this week, and getting ready for the move this weekend but God the most wonderful and perfect counselor of all is w/you each step of the way and things will get better. we all love and cherish you and continue to pray for you. God bless, RR

Just came back from dropping D, in few minutes, I have to go pick up S.

Yesterday, WH said he would come back and send S to camp. SO at 8:10am, when ready to leave, I till didn't see WH. I called him and no answer. I didn't know what to do, maybe just send S myself. He called back at 8:15 and said I have ameeting, you send S to the camp. I said why didn't you tell me earlier? Can't you send him? I said of course, but D will be late, all you need to do is to let me know ahead of time so I can prepare. He said sorry. I just hung up and rushed S to camp in an opposite direction. Then the car had no gas.

When we arrived the center, it was 9:45am. We were 45 min. late. But they were very understandable and thought was traffic problem. I siad it is not. I asked to talk to the therapist a lone. SHe was very nice to let me talk to her. I told her what happened after talking to her, what WH said to D, what D's reaction and how she called me stupid. What happened this morning. She said I undertand and appreciate you told me these things. I also show her my Plan B letter and told him that the seperation may occur next week or two. After she read the letter, she said that it maybe the best way now, it may wake him up by doing such. If he doesn't come back, you will shape up your life, you are too painful and stressful now. It sounds like she undertood the plan. SHe said you are strong for doing this. I just couldn't help crying, even now.

I asked her that after D's program, I want to go to TOronto for the summer, but how about her treatment? She said at least have one session, then she may continue when come back. I asked if it is possible to do phone consultation. I really thank GOD for finding this center, I wished I have found them 2 years ago.

After talking to her, she asked me whether I wanted to talk to the pyscologist about D's test results. I was delighted for this offer. Then the pyscologist saw me and said your D was very bright, I told your WH yesterday,and aksed him whehter you wanted to make appointment to talk to me, he said no, did he tell you? I said that I didn't know that, he doesn't care. She said it is very obvious, but you care.
She explain all those tests to me. She did extremely well academically. She said she sledom had kids have results like that. For performace, she was not as good as others, but still on the uppper end of average. She explain about what Performance is, it is activities, it counts time. D took time to do it, that is why she did not score as high as others. I siad that it is her style. When she was in nursery school, her teachers already told me that she was slow in everything, she only won the race in turtle crawling. But anyway, she said that D's very normal, but just has emotions inside. The recommendation is to see therapist.

I have to go now.

lostnhurt -

I am very encouraged that you are getting help for your daughter. And it is good that WH heard some input from the therapist, instead of just you.

Your daughter is a typical teenager. Her job right now is to start separating from you. And she complains to you because it is not safe for her to confront her father.

But part of her is watching mom. She is seeing that her mother is going out of her way to get help for daughter. She is seeing that her mother is trying to hold the family together. She is learning life-long lessons.

My oldest son was terrible in his teens. Now he is very good to me. So your daughter will change too. It is just very uncomfortable for you right now. Hang in there. You are sticking to the MB plan and doing a great job.

RR and Believer, Thank you for the encouragement.

Cherished, I can not move to Toronto. I won't have a job there. I am tenured in my position now. If I've know what would happen now last year, I could have applied for a sabatical leave which I get 90% of my pay.

SHM: I know that my Plan B action takes too long to execute. My last teaching will be Sat. I will be free and do it.

lostnhurt -

You might also get the book "How to Save Your Marriage Alone" by Ed Wheat from Amazon. It is just a little pamphlet, about $7.00, but is very inspirational.

Lostnhurt,
Even if you can't move permanently, going to Toronto for the summer may help you to gain some perspective. I'm glad that the end of school is so soon for you.

"Iron bars do not a prison make..."
Cherished

Just tried to take a nap, but my level of anxiety maybe too high. I couldn't sleep. I kep thinking that if I go to Toronto, who will take care of the house? Since in the Plan B letter I will tell WH do not come to the house. Should I modify it? Should I have him stay in the house or ask him to take care of the house?

I will have to go again to pick up D, then I will meet the pastor. I feel so tired and stressed. I am really afraid to get into accident.

Came back from talking to the Pastor in WIndsor. I told him what happened lately with WH and D. And explain abuot plan B and showed him the Plan B letter. He said it is the right thing to do now. Only GOD's salvation will help him to come back. Let him enjoy his "freedom", he is very empty inside, like a thirsty man drinking salt water. The more he drinks, the more thirsty he is. Eventually he will seek the living water from Christ.

Then I told him my plan to go to Toronto, he said thta is a good idea, so the children and I can be away from Wh's behavior. He said let him take care of the house and cut the lawn, just inform him to stay away when we come back. He asked me about financial, I said thta I am putting everything in GOD's hand. Even though I don't get a dime, we can survive. I have two jobs. He said that Wh's popping in and out is too destructive to the children and me.

Then we prayed together. We pray that WH's open his heart to GOD, we asked GOD to lead him home, but we also prayed that GOD do his will. I prayed for my MB friends.

So the next thng is to talk to SH. I haven't had time to make appointment yet. but I will tomorrow. Next week D has to go the the center one more time and she will be discharged. But she needs to be counseled at least one more time. S has a camp. I guessed the earliest time we will go will be June 3, leaving WH behind for the holiday, have him enjoy with OW. I will talk to brother about my plan. He will not come over for the holiday anyway.

Sounds like you got wonderful advice from your pastor in Windsor. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LL

Lostnhurt,
I am glad that the pastor saw the wisdom of removing yourself from his destructive behavior.
Cherished

I am glad that D doesn't have to go the the center today. After driving for days for such long distance in those crooked roads, I am exhausted. I slept in today and didn't get up till 10am when my mom called. WH offered to take S to the camp and told me to sleep. That is his way to say sorry, he never appologize for anything.

Last night when I came home, dinner was on the table, but no one ate it. I was curious. WH was outside the yard, I didn't know and closed the garage door. When he came in, he said kids ate Subway subs already, I had them take shower too. I asked how about you? DId you eat? He said no, I was waiting for you. I just felt very strange, it didn't mean a thing to me. But I smiled and said thank you. I felt I am so fake now.

Mom asked me whether WH and I are ok now, since he went to see my father ;ast Sunday. I said that no such thing, it's been like this since January. But I need to talk to borhter about going to Toronto.

WE have a peach tree in the back yard fullwith little peaches and dropping all over the yard. Last night when I locked WH out in the yard, he came back and told me he was picking up peaches out there. He said, I picked almost 100 peaches altogehter. Don't you know that I was picking them up everyday? (a pause) when I was home. DUH!

oh too funny what you said about the peach tree!

so so so glad that you talked w/the pastor, that he validated your plan and supported you IN PERSON. i know we support you here and many prayers are being said for you but still to be able to talk to someone in person is still a great comfort. you are getting to that peace stage.

as far as what to do about the house while your gone. well.......my first thought would be that if you go to plan b then your H doesn't need to do anything about the house. don't you have a cousin and family near by that could check on the house once a week or every other week? i know it's relying on other people but it would just be temporary. if they were to just "check" on the house it really wouldn't take that long. just have to go through the rooms and make sure the windows or shut, water plants if necessary, and cut the grass. you can put your mail on hold or even have it forwarded.

you got a good head on your shoulders lost, and you will find yourself again, you have done a lot of that already. you will do what is needed. i do hope you have computer access in toronto, don't know what we would do w/out you for such a long time <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> but then again, maybe you also need a break from here, it's just a thought.

much love and prayers to you. RR

That is GREAT news about your plans for Plan B. It will save your health. You sound like your body can't take much more.

I'm glad you are getting support there for Plan B. Many people don't understand what an important part of building a M this step takes. I'm here for you!!!

lostnhurt -

Do you have internet access in Toronto? If you don't, you cannot go. Sorry.

Thank you my friends. I am actually eager to go to Plan B now. I do have accese to internet in my brother's house. DOn't you remeber last time I went, I posted over there. The only time I didn't psot was when I was inthe cruise, I didn't want to pay $7/min to go on line.

Today we went to S's VBS camp closing, then went out shopping a little. We went ot Chinese buffet. S ate too much again, we had to walk a lot to make him feel better.

Now if we go to Toronto, D will not be able to get a dog. WH mentioned yesterday that someone had kittens giving away. He told D to get kittens before talking to me. He had D ask me whehter it is ok. I would prefer him to talk to me first, instead the loop going in the opposite direction.

D has 2 week long camp in Mid August, we have to be back by 8/10. I dont know what to do then. There are a lot of little details to work out. I need to discuss with SH. I don't know whether I should tell WH to move out to before going to Toronto, or go first, then give him the letter. Anyway, lots of things going on in my mind.

I am very tired now, I need to take a nap. Prayers for all of you.