lostnhurt - Check out the Toronto plan with SH. I don't know if that is the right thing to do or not.

I am cooking today. Making orange chicken. Yummy.

Yes, I will talk to SH Tuesday. I don't know what is right or wrong now. Something has to be done.

This is a long nap, it took me 2 hours. WH just called to tell me that he is not coming home tonight. He did not call for long time, just disappeared. But there is no difference anyway.

lostnhurt - Sorry you are going through all this. Please get your Plan B letter ready.

My letterr is ready. It has to be modified if I am going to Toronto. I sent a copy to SH already.

lostnhurt - Can you post it here?

It is the same thing as before, just few words different,


My Dearest husband,

It is with the heaviest of hearts that I write you this letter. I am deeply saddened by what has become of us, our friendship, and our marriage.

Most of fifteen years that we have been married were filled with an numerous hugs, smiles, tears, laughs and our two lovely children. I have been blessed from GOD by having you as my friend, lover, and husband.

I realize how my behavior caused you to believe that you were not my first priority. You are the true joy in my life and I am afraid I just wasn’t able to show you that in the way you needed to see it. I never intentionally meant to hurt you or make you unhappy. I am truly sorry for my part in bringing us to this point and I have been taking steps to learn how to be a better wife to you. When I married you, I vowed in front of GOD to be by your side for the rest of our lives. I am still deeply committed to you and improving our relationship.

The past few months have been the most difficult time of my life. The relationship that you are having outside of our marriage has broken my heart and is too painful for me to bear. My only saving grace is the thought of us being together and happy again some day. As a wife who loves you, I do not want to keep you here against your will.

Your act of disappearance without any consideration of our family hurts me very deeply now. When I see you or talk with you, knowing you will be gone in some unexpected time with whomever inflicts too much pain for me. To preserve the love I have for you, I must insist that we have no contact with each other. Our friend D and A has agreed to act as an intermediary. All communication with me needs to go through them by phone, or e-mail: . Please respect my decision, do not call me, email me, or come to the house. (the do not come to the house part may need to be changed)

I am not trying to keep the kids from you. Right now I ask you to take them every Tuesday and Thursday evening and Saturday whole day. (the visiting schedule may be revised too, this schedule will be good when we come back) We can make arrangements through D and A for any additional time you want to see them. They love their daddy and need to see you as often as possible. I only ask that D and S NOT HAVE ANY CONTACT with any woman in your relationship. They are still very young and impressionable. Let’s continue to protect them.

I am not doing this to punish you, only to protect the love that I have for you. When you are ready to recommit to us and has no contact with any other woman, then I will be happy to discuss rebuilding our family and marriage. I sincerely want us to be able to rebuild our love and commitment and create a new life together in which everything we do makes us both happy, so there will never again be a reason for us to separate. I love you with all my heart.

With all my love,

Sounds pretty good.

By the way. Do you have a recipe for orange chicken?

Believer, thank you. But I don't know the orange chicken. That is not authentic Chinese dish. Sorry.

Hmm. Well now I am going to make lemon chicken, because I have no oranges. I will let you know how it comes out.

<small>[ June 25, 2004, 06:04 PM: Message edited by: believer ]</small>

Believer, I am making chili. After that we are going to ride bike to rent a movie.

WH came home for few minutes. I asked him why. He said he came back to change and xoomed out again. Plan B him will let him change in OW's place.

Lostnhurt,
Remember that it is speculation whether he is continuing an affair, but -- affair or not -- he is not being considerate of you or the children by these disappearing acts, unwillingness to commit to going places or doing things, etc.

I think a change in scenery can help both you and your D very much.
Cherished

Few minutes before class.

Last night we rented the movie Johnny English. Sis called when we started. So I missed the first part. When I came back, the first thing I heard is : It is time for Plan B.

I was so trilled. Even movie told me to go to Plan B.

Lostnhurt,
I just want to tell you that I considered taking the kids away for a few days as part of my plan to file for legal separation in mid-October, 2003. I made an appointment with my H's anger management therapist to talk with him about how to safely end the marriage, and that was his recommendation.

I then spoke with the police in our town who told me that leaving could result in my being charged with child kidnapping. Even under the circumstances, with my having the support of his anger management therapist and my therapist to leave for a few days, they said I could get in legal hot water. I spoke with my lawyer as well who said that she thought such action could be defended; however, I should not leave the state.

I woke up this morning thinking that your taking the kids to Toronto without your husband's approval or knowledge beforehand could result in your being charged with child kidnapping. I don't know. Laws in your state are different for domestic violence -- I know that because my sister lives in California and her brother in law is a lawyer. However, with infidelity, there is no safety issue to justify leaving with the kids.

I hope this helps. If you do go to Toronto, maybe your husband should approve or you should consult a lawyer first and understand the legal ramifications.

Cherished

Thanks, Cherished. I may have to talk to him before going then. I will talk to SH next Tuesday.

lostnhurt - Hi. I made orange chicken and it was yummy. My rice steamer wouldn't work, so I made Mexican rice with it. The boys loved it, and it is almost all gone.

Please be sure to check out all the ramifications of your PlanB/Toronto. I would hate to see you in jail, don't know if they have the internet there. Although you might get the rest you need.

Actually Wh hinted many times for us to go to Toronto, he wanted us to go away. Last week he said he will send us to the train station. I didn't say anything. But Now I am thinking to use it as part of Plan B. Or just agree with him and spend time over there. But I would talk to SH first.

I would get his agreement first and let him know you are going to do a Plan B.

let him know you are going to do a Plan B.
No. Do not “let him know” you are going to Plan B.
It is not an agreement, it is not a threat.
It is a sole decision of the betrayed spouse and the ws does not need to know you are going to do it.

But yes, definitely speak with Harley before you do it.

Chris - lostnhurts WH has been through the MB weekend, so he knows about Plan B. How can she take the children out of state (actually out of country) without letting him know something?

I know you are an expert - Can you give her some ideas?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lostnhurt:
<strong> Actually Wh hinted many times for us to go to Toronto, he wanted us to go away. Last week he said he will send us to the train station. I didn't say anything. But Now I am thinking to use it as part of Plan B. Or just agree with him and spend time over there. But I would talk to SH first. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">JMHO, but to leave could also be construed as an act of enabling. Remember if he hints this way, then in his crazed A mind thinks he is 'controlling' the situation. Even though it isn't true, the WS will try and try again. Seems like what they accuse the BS most is what they are guilty of more than anyone. Crazy but true.

So what can you do? Well if he is hurting the family (emotionally or otherwise), then he needs to leave. All the discomforts needs to be on his plate. Don't listen to how hard it w/b for him.

Chris is right, you need to counsel with Steve 1st.

JMHO,
L.