I will talk to SH TUesday. My anxiety level is getting high again.

I felt very peaceful this morning while I was teaching, though I was tired. When I came home, WH was there. D said she wanted to go to her friends house so I sent her there. I asked her when she wanted me to pick her up, she said 7. I said I would prefer 5pm and come home for dinner. She said you just want me home so you can have a whole family, right? Why can't I go out? WHy can daddy go? I was uttered. But I asked her to give me her friends phone number, she started acting up. You never asked me, you seemed so unhappy just accusing me this and that. I said I just asked a phone number, all you do is to write it for me. THen she busted into tear and accusing me all the things. I was upset.

When I came home, WH said he would take a nap. I was so tired, I tried to take one too. But I just couldn't sleep. I felt bad about D. I also felt terrible that I don't know what to say to WH. I wish he is not here. But if he is here, I wish will not leave. I want to create some atmosphere, but don't know how.

Believer, even though we went to MBW. Plan A/B was never mentioned. In fact, only few sentences was mentioned about infidelity. SO WH has no clue what these plans are.

Please help me with some questions to ask SH.

lostnhurt - Well came over to my boys' place to post. My roommate is on the phone with his mom in Ouhacca (sp?) - anyway somewhere in Southern Mexico. I am learning lots of Spanish and it is really interesting.

Your daughter is using WH's actions to justify hers. Don't let her get away with it. Teenagers are very tough. Lots of problems. Believe me after raising 8 of them I know.

But they want their parents to set limits, although they can't admit it. I had knock down - drag out fights with two of mine. But I never gave up.

When my son had problems in school (although he is in the top 2% of his age group as far as IQ), I told him I would do whatever it took to get him back on track. I told him that I had vacation time, and would take it to go sit with him in class. Well, that ended that. He knew I would, and that was the last thing he wanted.

With stepdaughter, she started going here and there, without telling us where she was. Well, I hunted her down. I went up to one place she frequented and knocked on the door. A man answered the door. I told him SD was only 16 - did he want to go to jail? That ended that.

Now I am great friends with all the kids. They found out that I was not going to let them ruin their lives. Like it or not, I was going to hound them, hunt them down, whatever it took. And I did not back down. They hated it then, but have gotten over it.

Believer,

thank you for your advice. D just called. She asked me whether she can stay a little bit later. I said ok if she asked nicely like this. Idstead of 5pm, I will pick her up 6pm. I will be firm on her. She had no problem in school at all. All her teachers said that she is muture, charming, happy, great cititzen, etc. From the report card and talking to her teachers, it made me wonder that was my D. My sis said that b/c I am her safty net, she poured everything on me, her conselor said so too. But it is too hard on me.

I was fillinf her health form for her camp. They asked whether she is been counseling. If so, there is a lot more to do. I don't know whether I should fill that in. I don't want to be dishonest, on the other hand, i don't want to get in too much trouble.

I am going to dig some worms for fishing. I told S that I am taking him. he said how about daddy. I said he is invited, but I don't know whether he wants to go or not. He said, I don't know how to hook the worm, if daddy is not going, how are we going to do that. I said that I am relying on you, you are a big boy now. He smiled.

lostnhurt - Yes you are her safety net. That is good.

Just dig up the worms, then take them fishing. You just hold your breath, close your eyes, and stick the worm with the hook. Or let your son do it. Fishing is great family fun.

Lostnhurt,
I think that WH may view your trip to Toronto as an opportunity to do what he pleases, and of course he would welcome that. If you can get something in writing to say that he is OK with the trip, I think that would be for-sighted, no matter what SH recommends. You may need it legally.

Also, if you say you are leaving and give him the letter then, he may change his mind then about your leaving. You might want to consider mailing a Plan B letter as an option. That may be a question for SH.

Cherished

Lostnhurt,
I had an idea for you about going to Toronto. You can tell your H that you may have some difficulty going into Canada without him because of child kidnappings. Have him sign a letter saying he has agreed to your going to Toronto until August, and have a copy of his driver's licence with the letter so that the border police can compare signatures. You also may want to have birth certificates.

What you are doing is agreeing to a separation for several weeks. What he doesn't realize is that you will have no contact with him.
I've been thinking of you....

Cherished

Cherished, thank you for your suggestion. I really don't want to get into anything legal. I may just tell him that I will take the kids to Toronto, and when I came back, I will give him the letter, the real Plan B. I am not sure that is a good idea. I am very cofused.

We came back from church, of course, WH is gone as I expected. I don't want to see him here actually. I feel ok.

Last evening, we went fishing, Wh came along. We got some small fish. S practiced hooking the worm. He did few. Next time, i may just use chicken. I hope it would work.

D told me she had her first period. Any suggestion for celebration?

Your personal circumstances aside, you may have trouble taking your children across the border without your husband or some sort of letter from him. Might want to check it out...

Crossing border is not a problem. I took them many many times to Canada by myself. Never thought of anything. No questions asked. We spent a summer in Toronto before.

Well, then, guess it isn't...we got questioned when we were together going over the border from Minnesota...

One thing about delaying the Plan B letter to August is that the consequences of his actions may not sink in until after he gets the letter.

Cherished, I know what you meant by the delay. I really don't want him to hurt me now, I want to go away. If I stay here, it would be very hard, kids and I are home everyday, they are already very bored. We always had trips every summer, holidays, etc, long or short. Last year this time, we went to Vancouver, Seattle. When we came back we had short trips. We planned to go to China this year, now everything is changed. The friends who supposed to go with us left yesterday. I just feel so saaaaaaaaaad.

LNH,

Not sure when the best time for you to do Plan B is, but I do think it would do you good to get away on a vacation with your kids to Toronto.

I really enjoyed my week away with mine, even though we went to Disney--the place my WH and I have gone numerous times--so it brought back a few memories.

I'm really glad we went. It was a nice break.

I think you need that, too. You've had a long, rough spring!

LL

If you decide to go to Plan B while in Toronto, it might be safest to have a signed by your husband stating that you are going to Toronto until August.

I think it would be best if he know ASAP instead of just having fun this summer -- he may start to consider the consequences of what he is doing.

I am glad your health has held out this long.

I want to thank GOD for my health. I can sleep most of the nights, and can eat as much as S eats. I really have to discuss the issue with SH, I am going to Toronto, either with Plan B letter or not. I can't stay here for doing nothing.

I have two nephews there. My brohter needs someone to watch them too.

My father just called and told me he is sick. He sounded auwful, he said it is a bad cold. I don't know what it is. He wanted me to take him to the Dr. tomorrow. But tomorrow is D's appointment, with that kind of driving, no way I can take my father to Dr. I don't know whether I should call Wh about it and ask him to take D. If I wait till tomorrow to call WH, would that be too late to make arrangement? I know what a single parent is like. I am not only a sigle parent, but also a single daughter. My parents totally rely on me for everything.

Don't you have a sister fairly close? Could she take your father to the doctor? Or if it's just a bad cold, could he take some cold medicine and run a vaporizer or something (as long as he's not running a fever, which could mean it's more) and squeak by until the next morning, and then maybe you could take him?

LL

Sis is in upper NY state, 12 hr drive here. Bro is in Toronto, 5 hrs away. I am the only one here. Father always exagerates things, but you never know. I don't want to be regret. The worst thing is I will take him Tuesday.

lostnhurt - Hi. The doctor probably can't do anything about your father's cold. Have him try the ginger - it helped me. And have him drink lots of fluids.

Sounds like your plans are coming together. It will be fun and a distraction for your kids to go to Toronto.

I got confused. I guess because you said you were talking more to your sis, I was thinking she lived closer. No, I wouldn't want her to do a 12 hour drive!!

I agree with Believer. If it's just a cold, all they can do is give him decongestents and send him home anyway. You can't treat them. They go away on their own.

I'd only really worry if he was running a fever or if his lungs were congested and he was having problems breathing.

That's how my father almost died in December. He thought he only had a cold, and my mother lives in some sort of denial-fogland. By the time they decided he was really sick and called my sis, he was delirious, running a 102 degree fever, and so weak he couldn't even stand up or maintain bladder control. He ended up immediately in ICU with pneumonia.

So I always temper my comments about colds and the elderly. But if you father isn't a heavy smoker and isn't running a fever, I'd not worry about him having to wait until Tuesday.

By then, if it is really a cold, he might be feeling better. And if he really does get worse tomorrow, you could always take him to E.R. in the evening.

LL

<small>[ June 27, 2004, 11:22 PM: Message edited by: lordslady ]</small>

lots of stuff over the weekend for you lost but you are gaining some clarity and will get even more tomorrow after talking to SH. even if you don't follow what SH says at least you will have his opinion on your situation and his insight given the way your H is having talked to him himself.

as a nurse, the advice on the dad's cold is right on.

i have no idea what to say about the whole situation about taking the kids to toronto. but weight the options w/SH plan B before or after toronto. by the time you actually get up there and come back, you will not be there for very long. maybe 4 weeks right? i guess i'm also kind of wanting to be selfish for you in that your H has been able to do whatever and whenever he wants so what's wrong w/you actually planning a normal trip to visit family?

you are not really "lost" any more so take comfort in that, you have come a long way and even though you still have a long "rough road" ahead, you have and will get the tools you need to travel. prayers to you, RR