Not home yet...4:00, he should have been home NLT than 2:15 if he left at 1:00. traffic is pretty much non existent here.

so when/IF he shows up...what shall I say? Did you have fun with OW? Where were you, you SOB? Hope you ahve a place to live? I am so angry, idont even know if I can have a normal conversation with him...I am shaking.

OK, lets say he stopped at NH, which he drives by on way home. Stops, OW gets off at 2:00, he is with her.

He really sounded sincere this morning...really did. he said he wanted to move forward and he was very remorseful. How am I supposed to trust this man. he hasn't even called me!

I think I need my plan B letter!

Of course you know the answer is to not say any of that no matter how much you want to!!!

Stick with the plan of listen, listen, listen...NO accusations!!!!

I know you are going nuts now but try you best to keep it together!!

Take a tranquilizer, have a glass of wine...whatever it takes...stay calm!!!

Take a walk, take the kids to the park, cool off!

Leave a note. Explain you expected him earlier and you are trying to clear your head and will be back in a bit.

you keep your trap shut...and you listen...

ark <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

MT3B,

I feel for what you've been going through, and I HAVE walked in your shoes, a couple times unfortuntely.

Thing is, Mom .... if you could start showing consistency and come to a resolve as to what YOU want you'd probably notice a change in your WH.

Please forgive me, but it seems you're all over the map with your emotions. That could be because you haven't come to the place where you're certain what YOU want.

Whenever your H does something you don't approve of, you bring up a whole list of things you've been hanging on to. Hanging onto all that resentment is blocking you from seeing clearly what it is YOU want.

Do you see this in yourself?

Jo

I cant take this...I called him and here is our conversation! Slap me with the 2 x 4! go ahead

h: hello

me: I guess I misunderstood you, I thought you said youwere coming by here to talk

h: I am, I am about 30 min away

me: are you with OW

h: we will discuss that in person

me: I really do not want to see you if you are still seeing her

h: we need to talk

me: did you take her to a hotel room

h: no, not at all

me: I dont think we have anything to talk about

h: we need to talk

me: talk about what

h: about the arrangements of the kids

me: What? You said this monring that you wanted to come here after work and brak it off with in front of me...has that changed?

h: no not necessarily

whatever


I am crushed. I already took a Xanax this mroning...I dont know if I can take another one. Why in the hell is he doing this to me...I was ready this mroning for my Plan A then B and then he calls me to give me yet more false hope.

I cant do this. This man is killing me!

MOM, I feel the hurt for you. I am shaking too. I know exactly that kind of hopeles, helpless, devastated feelings. Please be calm when he talk to you, don't lose control. Lots of love, hugs and prayers for you.

Mom I feel your pain right now and man this is like a soap opera <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ..on again ..off again...this guy is killing you inch by inch...I do wish you had taken the advice of the wise folks here today...I know it is hard when you are there waiting for answers...but you may be able to repair you phone conversation..again when he does arrive do not show panic....be strong..strong ...strong...if he suggests leaving ...just let him go...you cannot control him right now...remember babble...babble..keep your emotions in check...try hard hon...

I'm going to be strong and let him talk and I will listen...that is all I can do. I will let him go! I have to! I cannot take this pain anymore!

momto3boys,

I don't want 2x4 you since you have done 2x4 to yourself.

Suggestion ? ... still the same!. Listen, listen, then think, listen, listen, then think, then talk !.

Listen to what he has to proposed and I DO NOT WANT YOU TO GIVE HIM ANY ANSWER AT ALL !. Just say I think about it, gimme time to digest this.

Then go to SH for advice since our suggestions don't worth a ¢ <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> .

-rh-

Also stop posting ... get your support system going !. IM and invite prople to your chat !.

Hi M23B,

This is my first post here I am usually a lurker on boards (dyslexic).....something keeps tugging at me to reply. Even though I am not going thru what you are. This is a great site... it has helped me in some ways. I have read some of your post and since your DH has posted here, and still waffling with ow ......I agree with this statement.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by redhat:
<strong>
Also stop posting ... get your support system going !. IM and invite prople to your chat !. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The ow probly knows about this site form DH and can counter attack your every move..... especially every mistake and LB you make. Just a thought.

Hi Mom,

Gosh! So sad for you right now.

Your best response is no response at all. After all, you really don't know what you want at this point. I guess you could say that.

"I love you but I don't know what I want."

When my H and I were at a similar point I told him I could't even guess at how his choices would affect me. I had no boundaries to lay down. I basically said: "Go ahead and do what is best for you and I'll make my own choices accordingly."

It was my completely honest reaction and it shook him to his core. I was letting him go. Maybe that is where you are now?

Saying a few prayers for you both right now.

~ Snow

hummm mom I don't know if you know, but we also have a ladies only board
Apparently there is a chat scheduled for today 8 pm. I fyou want to join

Here is the link to the ladies board

m23b,

Right now you need to pull back and let him fall. He is going to fall with or without you hanging on. If you go with him, so does your family so BACK OFF. Your children can't risk 2 stupid parents.

The dialogue you wrote is showing he is trying to make you think one thing yet he will pretend it is another. If you ignore his request or refuse to give him his thrill of abusing you (that's right dad23b, you are abusing your W just by mere association with an OW), then you will deflate his ego and A.

Don't feed or enable the A by giving him the power to make you angry and upset. DON'T!

Learn the difference between commuication with a real purpose and babbling manipulation. Oh he will whine about your ignoring him and not thinking of the children. WS are great whiners but awful diners. LOL!!!

Hold up a diaper when he whines within your presence or if he is on the phone demanding an audience or something else, then let him know you 'may' be available when he can communicate like an H instead of a WS. Let him know that you don't communicate well with a WS but your H would understand you.

The WS can't imitate an H well and visa versa. Just goes against their very makeup. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Plan A your H but plan B the Ws.

Hugz,
L.