BT, if I am reading correctly, Lost in Life is the OM in very regretful's life...and vice versa...correct me if I am wrong here???

I think that both of you ahve the tools and the resources to build a better marriage than before the A. you both have spouses that love you very much to stick by you and go thru all this pain and suffering with you. If you put all your efforts into your spouses and dont dwell on the past, you will both make it..I wish you both the best of luck!

oh and BTW, IF you two are in fact the ones that had the affair with each other...you need to stop posting on each others threads and probably not post here at all.

NC means NC!

also, changing your screen name wont help either! Sorry...but it shows up on all your threads. You need to re-register with a different email addy and different name completely!

So think of another name and re-register with that name and lost needs to as well! You two need to be OUT OF CONTACT completley! HTH!

Hugs to you both! You can do this! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

OMG - I just realized that you are LIL's OW. This is not cool. This is as disrespectful and disruptive as calling his house and talking to him directly. Posting on the same board is bad enough - but to pine away together on his thread????

This is NOT no contact. This is really really REALLY hurtful to your spouses and completely disrespectful. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

It is especially disrespectful when LIL's BS posts here & VR posts on her thread saying she is going to have NC.

Lost in Life! Your wife is trying her best to recover your marriage! Please give her the respect SHE deserves and quit contacting this OW....Your wife loves you very much and believe me I KNOW the pain she is going thru. I am a BS and I KNOW the pain we endure. STOP thinking of yourself right now and think of your Wife and your children. leave OW alone...

God's will is never counter to His word. As Christians, you have to know He will never bless this. NEVER.

Plus, I feel personally offended that you would reach out to the MB community for aide and assistance, and then, use the very board, that is PRO MARRIAGE, to stay in contact with your A partner.

NOT COOL!!!!!!!!!!

Look, you both need support. But, try an exercise with me for a moment.

Close your eyes and try not to think about a dalmation dog. Whatever you do, do not think about a dalmation dog. Don;t think about the white coat, the spots. The red collar. Don't do it!

Ok...do you get it. You both CLAIM to want to rebuild your marriages, and STOP thinking about the Other Person, yet, all you think about is the other person.

"Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things."

I promise you, your marriage is all of that. TRUE. NOBLE. RIGHT. PURE. LOVELY. ADMIRABLE. PRAISEWORTHY.

And God says that is what you should be thinking about.

I can appreciate that you both need support, but, I hope you can have more respect for people's time, energy, and prayers, by not using this as a forum to feed your ugly, family/life destroying relationship.

My prayers are with you both.

<small>[ May 20, 2004, 12:00 PM: Message edited by: ChristyV ]</small>

I am confused as to who is what and what is whom. Regardless...

R&PSPree you wrote in LIL's post, "I'm trying to fill myself with my H, I feel sometimes it is impossible for him to make me Happy."

Of course it's impossible for BH to make you happy. You are your own woman, no one can MAKE you anything. Plus, if you are going through withdrawal, expect to be down for a while.

Feed into your marriage, invest in your marriage again, turn toward your husband (AWAY from om) and try to make him happy. You'll be surprized how much giving can warm your heart. You "love" om and not bh because you gave to om the love you should've given to bh and your family. You actively nourished the A relationship with om and now you're passively waiting for your marriage - which you neglected - to fulfill you and make you happy?

Be patient, allow yourself to go through withdrawal and don't blame your misery on anyone but you. Take responsibility for your own emotions and give your poor bh a break.

<small>[ May 20, 2004, 12:17 PM: Message edited by: Loy ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I think that both of you ahve the tools and the resources to build a better marriage than before the A. you both have spouses that love you very much to stick by you and go thru all this pain and suffering with you. If you put all your efforts into your spouses and dont dwell on the past, you will both make it..I wish you both the best of luck! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">good for you mom! excellent advice...

guys...are you listening? I hope mom's intuition is wrong here and you are NOT former A-partners, breaking N/C using the MB forums...

anyhow: regardless...the comments I have for you R&P remain the same...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I'm in C though and she is helping me to become more assertive. I will change my passive unhealthy ways, </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">good to hear this...I hope you and the counsellor are looking at the contribution you made to the state of your M...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> the OM and I would discuss the classes and cry on each other shoulders how bad we had it </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">shared unhappiness is often the beginning...and while it seems as though you've found the "right" person to change this with an A-partner, you haven't...do you understand this yet?

the right person is actually YOU...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I did many, many bad things, I'm completely ashamed. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">there is only one way to make amends...do not do it...period...never again...

work on respecting YOURSELF enough to end the pain and anguish you are putting yourself through...

have you and your counsellor discussed self-destructive tendencies? self-esteem? self-worth?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I AM A DECENT WOMAN, I just made a huge mistake. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">of course you are...do not defend your mistakes any further...do not justify...apologize to those you've injured and then make sure it NEVER happens again...

you are hurting yourself most of all...you are hurting your family, other children...you cannot respect yourself deep down if you continue to hurt other people...

so decide to STOP...no "trying"...DO...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I was tortured with a loneliness that left me longing for anyone who would look into my soul and see me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">and yet, YOU were there all along! the answer, the solution, lies within YOU...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I loved my BF, and I hate what I did to her and her family. The pain I feel in loosing her is going to require some drugs, anybody have a Paxil????? I thought of her feelings after, yes after, every time. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know you do...I remember how it feels, on both sides of the fence...I hurt another woman because I was the other woman...and I was hurt by another woman because she was the other woman...

it is awful...for everyone involved...so much pain...and all in search of "happiness" that cannot be acquired this way...

once again, I urge you to set aside your thoughts of your former friend...wallowing in your bad feelings about the damage you have done to her is not going to help you focus on what you need to do NOW...

look inside yourself...try to understand and forgive yourself for what you did...use that to motivate yourself to NEVER engage in this behaviour again...

that means N/C ever again...do you understand this? are you committed to it?

N/C begins in your mind first and foremost...

would you like some specific techniques you can use to STOP thinking about him? about his family? to refocus your mind on YOU, on YOUR H, and YOUR family?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The selfish act was no longer worth the pain I was causing so many others. You know, I read some of the forums, and it breaks my heart for all of you who are on the other end. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">here's a funny thought for you to consider: after a lot of research into this issue, spending a lot of time counselling both BS and WS, and having been both a BS and a WS, you know what? I think the WS has a harder path to follow in order to truly heal...

sure, the BS is devastated...it hurts, I cannot begin to describe how much it hurts...it is unbelievable the destruction it wreaks within you...

but...

if you manage to haul yourself to your knees, bloody and beaten...then raise your head up and say "I can do this"...and finally stand up straight and tall because you realize that you are STRONG and COMMITTED and HONOURABLE...

well then hey...this is a pretty neat thing... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

the WS? pain, fear, loss, regret, anger, confusion...and yet NO one else is responsible, no one else is to blame...in the end, you/we brought it on ourselves...and have to live with this knowledge for the rest of our lives...

I have a lot of sympathy, empathy and sorrow for the WS...it is a hard hard place to be...

which is why I suggest that you give yourself a break...stand up straight and tall and do the right thing from now on...you cannot change the past...so change the present and future...

give yourself this gift...

it is the one thing you can do from today, forever more...

awed

P.S. N/C means N/C means N/C means N/C...no writing, no thinking, no obsessing...it means do the right thing today...hold yourself accountable to you...you can't hide from yourself...it will destroy you in the end...are you going to stop your self-destruction???

Awed, you mean I actually did something RIGHT! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> WOW, that makes my day! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Loy:

Lost in life is wayward husband
RP is wayward wife

LIL & RP were/are each others' affair partners.

Any clearer????

NOT COOL!

Wow, that is a shocker.

That fact that 'very regretful' has changed her ID name and has been sharing this thread with her lover.

Many, many BS's were kind and understanding to her and they were kinda suckered. Myself included!

I, for one, am very disappointed.
We all had faith and trust that she had truly been repentent!

And I thought 'Lost in Life' just identifyed with her story when he said it was his story.

IT REALLY WAS HIS STORY! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Sincerely, Julie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

And I thought 'Lost in Life' just identifyed with her story when he said it was his story.

IT REALLY WAS HIS STORY!
And we knw this because?

Chris:

Good 2uestion. I hope this hasn't become "true" because of a pyramid of assumptions.

How about it, R&P? Is it true?

-ol' 2long

Simple answer. END IT NOW.

VR, R&P, whomever you are,
Very disappointing if all of this is true.

cwmac

All MBers,
At first when i read the posts by S&P and LiL, I thought that S&P wasn't aware that LIL was her OM.

But read this post from Lil to S&P.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> R&PS

I also know where you are coming from. I too feel a great void from the OW. She is one of the biggest reasons I'm communicating with my W and trying to make my M work. She also was posting here at MB. Reading her words I saw what joy this brought to her. It was a joy that she has not had in a long time. She felt like her old self agian. It really made me realize I need to let her go, even though I L her so much. I have been communicateing with my W which is a great start. My wife has made many positive changes and I hope it will work. I know about the filling yourself with you S that is what I am doing as well. Though there are so many reminders in her words of the OW. Focus on your S and talk to him that will hopefully take your mind of the OM. I know it is hard not think about the OP because I still do. Best of luck and Stay strong you can do this, repeat after me

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Even someone as dense as me can read between the lines here.

cwmac

Chris...maybe the ones that 'caught on' put two and two together. (Possibly could be wrong.)

In this post Lost said his OW was a poster here.
She (very regretful) posted on his thread "I hope you find your way".

Read this message from Lost concerning OW.
"R&PS

I also know where you are coming from. I too feel a great void from the OW. She is one of the biggest reasons I'm communicating with my W and trying to make my M work.

She (OW) also was posting here at MB. Reading her words I saw what joy this brought to her. It was a joy that she has not had in a long time. She felt like her old self agian. It really made me realize I need to let her go, even though I L her so much.

I have been communicateing with my W which is a great start. My wife has made many positive changes and I hope it will work. I know about the filling yourself with you S that is what I am doing as well.

Though there are so many reminders in her words of the OW. Focus on your S and talk to him that will hopefully take your mind of the OM. I know it is hard not think about the OP because I still do. Best of luck and Stay strong you can do this, repeat after me

I can do this!! "
************************************************
Doesn't it kinda seem like messages of love to one another???

Chris...maybe the ones that 'caught on' put two and two together. (Possibly could be wrong.)
As you wrote, "Possibly could be wrong".
I'm not saying they are or are not. If so, yes, they need to quit even reading each others threads.
But I asked the question because they may not be. It seems close but is not cut & dried they are the om/ow.

Your quote (with your highlights) doesn't even imply anything in that direction.

Hi Chris.
Yeah, the old rule of 'assume' applies here, true?

I highlighted those sentences to show how he (Lost in Life) was telling her (the OW) he still loved, missed and thought of her because all the time he was writing, he KNEW the OW was reading his thread.
(Whether it was 'very regretful' or some other message board member; it just doesn't seem right!)

Oh well, it is good to think of this 'soap opera' thread as it takes away from our own problems for awhile! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
Love, Julie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />