WS was in a terrible car accident. Had to have reconstructive surgery on his face. Well, when he was released from the hospital he was taken directly to jail for drunk driving. Has been drinking heavily ever since he's with OW. He's lucky he's alive. So how do "I" go about meeting any needs while he's there? OW acts like she is the wife and I'm OW. That's how I feel at times as well. She's pregnant and is in a position to use this to keep him. They were living together during the accident. While WS was in the hospital I Plan A'd the best I could. Stayed with him over night etc.. So what do I do now?

Hmmm. What do people in jail want? Maybe cigarettes, or you could contribute to his jail account. I think you can bring a money order for around $40. At least that is what it is in California. Then he can buy some goodies.

But don't you think this big mess he is in is hopeful for your marriage? Sounds like he isn't doing too great without you.

I'm just gonna give my opinion on this...

but Cyn..your husband has involved himself in a whole lot of messed up chaos....

the Ow is pregnant...but there is no proof it is his....
and she has a significant history of drug abuse....
and she is driving with a suspended license...

and now husband is in jail for a DUI which in my book is serious crap that way crosses the line of self-destructive behavior when you put innocent people at risk.....he could of hurt someone.....and that's for-real ...

Soooo the real question is how much a part of this serious chaos do you want to get involved with...

And Cyn...I really do mean this kindly but I think that if you are going to plan A him...then you do it by becoming a stable force in his life...WITHOUT enabling or excusing this horrific action/s of his....

I hope he is attending AA in jail...

what is the plan when he gets out...is he losing his license as well??

I think the notes are good...
but you need to be careful with that...you can't condone the behavior that got him jail...

you send things that say...
thinking of you...

remembering when we blah blah...

but this guy is pretty far down trail of messing up.....

becareful that you don't plan a him and get back a person who abuses alcohol...
who is going to you because you still have a drivers license... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
because it will look better on his record and to his parole officer...

you need to focus on your boundaries...
use this time to seriously seriously look at who he is RIGHT now...and decide if there is any turning back...

maybe go dark a little...with a peep of a note now and then....

think this one thru...
I am sorry that this is where you are at...

ARK

Thanks for the advice. I guess right now I am more worried about his recovery. It truly is a miracle he is alive and that he didn't kill someone. He does deserve to be where he is for his actions. I want to let him know I care but so much of his behavior has not been acceptable. I just don't want OW to get the upper hand at this time. When he was in the emergency room the first thing she wanted to know is if he could talk well enough to give permission for her to pick up his last pay check. Now that's love. I hope this has been the wake up call he needs.