So, I'm leaving tomorrow for a weekend visit.

I've had a lot of anxiety over the past week. She is still not committed, and I'm so fried emotionally that if there were a way to get her set up in her own apartement, I'd go for it.

Definately a time limit will be imposed unless there's a marked shift in her attitude and behaviours. I really want this marriage and family to work, but I am human and do have my limits. I think I'm nearing them.

I'm really fearing some bigtime lovebusting.

Any last words before I leave? (tomorrow afternoon)

dewt

Orchid's advice has worked for me every time I've used it. You don't want to know about the times I didn't use it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Orchid's advice: Pray for a clear head and a calm heart

Yea, that and don't lovebust. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Dewt - you can't control the situation - you can only control yourself. It would REALLY throw her for a loop if you were 'together' no matter how NOT together she is or isn't.

Those were my exact prayers last night. Er... and the night before that... and, uh... the night before that too...

Imagine where I'd be if I wasn't praying? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Control me. Uh-huh. Got it.

And that may be part of what I'm afraid of. Not that I'll lose control of myself, because I won't... but...

I feel like it's high time I set some boundries and I'm concerned she's going to call it 'pressure' and get antagonistic and things will deteriorate from there.

On one hand I feel we are 'so close' to working this out, on the other hand, I really don't think we are.

dewt

You can set boundaries without pressuring her. You just have to decide what you will and will not tolerate. Her reaction is up to her. That has nothing to do with you.

Once you start having boundaries, it feels good. Often others are unhappy, but after awhile they will get it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
<strong> ...Often others are unhappy, but after awhile they will get it. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, I guess this is what I'm worried about. I know she'll be unhappy. She'll call it pressure. She'll say I'm trying to control everything. Which I'm not... just trying to set boundries to protect myself from more pain than I think I can handle and protect my son from thinking everything is going to be alright when it isn't.

I'm a little concerned that she won't get over it, but that it will be the excuse she needs to write this whole thing off.

But I guess if that's the case then it's already over and I just don't know it yet.

Anyway, the bottom line is that boundries need to be set and although I'm not looking forward to it, I have to face it.

dewt

You can set boundaries of what you will tolerate without telling her what to do. Just tell her you can no longer tolerate __________.

Just like with a spouse that is drinking. You can say "I will no longer stay in the house while you are drinking." You do not tell the other person not to drink. Their response is their choice. You just let them know your boundaries and then stick to them.

Well, that's the tricky part. And here I really think I'm missing something, because what I can no longer tolerate is this limbo.

But that's not about her. That's about me.

Gotta cut this short, but will be back after Mini is in bed.

dewt