Suzet,

I have done things like that in the past (read stuff to him). He really thinks I am the smartest person in the world, it is so cute. And he is always interested in things I try to teach him. He has been very impressed with how many books/articles I have already read on marriage/infidelity/etc., and he tells me it makes him feel good...like I am truly sincere in putting this M back together on the right track...and for life. I think I will have to read him some stuff about this "withdrawl" crap too. I just dread it. I hate the fact that I can't just "forget about" OM.

Raskal-- he has never ever in his life ever read any book ever ever never! Did graduate high school and can read, just has difficulty with comprehension, forgets what he read in first paragraph by the time he is on third paragraph. He is very talented at his profession which doesn't involve reading comprehension. And we are both willing to go to counseling, $$ is a huge factor for us though. As of yet, no counseling plans.

Thanks for all replys. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Loy,

That is just what I did last night. I focused on the "feelings" not "thinking about OM tonight." Thank you for validation that this is the best way to approach this. I told him I was feeling alone and uneasy and I felt safer and stronger inhis arms.

I agree MC is good for its objectivity. Sometimes you just can't hear stuff from your spouse, it has to come from an outsider.

xoxo to all!

M3ByChoice:

Money is a huge factor for us as well. Sometimes health insurance covers MC but FWH and I are using a Pastor who is also a certified MC (counseling is a part of her ministry). It's much less expensive and is based on the family's income, plus we've been able to meet with her weekly.

The sessions aren't religious but very pro-marriage. Even if you don't belong to a church, you can use a church as a resource to find an affordable MC. Seminaries are also a great resource. Sometimes it's hard to find help but when you find it, it just gushes.

mom, my H and I read together every night. I do most of the reading, it is a great bonding thing. I have always wanted this, but pre-A he wouldn't give me the time of day, now however he has made me a priority.
I have a fear of confrontation, any negative response, I steer clear of, I go to IC and she has taught me how to communicate.

I will tell my H, I'm feeling very nervous about telling you some things. I don't want to hurt you, but I feel this will help you understand. I verbalize all that internal crap,

I tell him, I'm afraid of his response, I tell him, how I feel about communicating. This works.

I did tell him about withdrawl, not for quite a while, but I did finally tell him. I read him an article. I told him I was feeling it, but I am commited to making the M work and will be stronger than the W.
However I have been where you are, opportunity knocks, and I try to avoid, I would call my BF and say, I want to call him, she would say don't. I would hang up from her, and call him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I however am past that, and don't wish to speak to him anymore. I'm over him, and it took NC to get me there, the feelings past, and I'm IL with my H. I'm still struggling, but that is a thread I have to start for myself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Tell him your fears, speak them, clear communication for you guys, be honest.
K

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Mom, why the bump?

Has something happened? I see you are both on here.

Do you guys want to talk?

Jen

<small>[ September 14, 2004, 10:31 AM: Message edited by: dadof3bychoice ]</small>