.... all I can say is wow.... I experienced many things tonight. Many, many things in such a brief period of time.

I went to see Fuel (a rock band) play tonight at a local venue, the Varsity. Capacity is about 800-1000 people. (You're probably imagining where this is going.....it gets better)

I went with a friend from work and his GF. First time I had been "out" with them. They are younger than me, but both seem to be good...er...kids. (folks!) We bought our tickets a few weeks back, before the show sold out. Our tickets waited for us at the will call window.

As we walked from the parking lot to the venue, I get a text message from my best friend. It reads: "Caution, there may be a WW sighting! Take care of yourself." I tell my friend what's going on. I reassure him that it's cool, and we'll have a good time.

We get to will call. My last name starts with an A (no pun) so I'm at the top of the list. The lsit is alphabetical. Care to guess who is directly below me on the list? Mrs. furnitureman. Her name is scratched out, so she's already there. I think, no way she gets in without seeing my name. Wow.

So I go through the show. I had a good time, a really good time. And I was by myself. I think I thanked my friends 3 or 4 times for letting the "lone ranger" come with them <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

When WW and I would go to concerts, we made a habit of getting the setlist from the security guys after the show. We probably had 4 or 5 of these. (I'm foreshadowing here....)

As the show wraps up I split up from my friends, so we can go to oppposite sides to try to get a setlist. The lights come up. I make my way to the rail. I look up and see........

WW.

I think we saw each other at the same time, paused, and then realized who we were standing next to.

We gave each other a brief "one-arm" hug (like you would give a relative.)

tfm: Imagine finding you here...
WW: yeah...
tfm: How ya been? (with a jovial tone....)
WW: good, you?
tfm: awesome..... (it's been my catch phrase lately)
WW: I saw your name on the list...
tfm: yeah, saw yours too.
tfm: did you enjoy the show?
WW: it was ok.
tfm: Yeah, I thought they were better the last time. (We had seen them a few years back)

We exchanged chit chat about where we stood during the show, etc. Apparently she had spoken to the security guy before the show, b/c he saw her and started to remove the setlist from the stage, and handed it to her. At this time, my friends (who she doesn't know, I didn't bother to introduce her) to give me one of the guitar picks they had recovered. WW trys to make her exit. I give her a quick "see ya" and she does the same. The whole exchange may have lasted two minutes. She walked away from the stage, and meets OM3 (I'll get to this later) about 60 feet away from me. They wander out. I stay to work the security guys for one of the other setlists. I failed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Wow....

What I saw:
WW was as pretty as I remember her. But strangely enough, my heart didn't leap as it did everyday that we were together, when I would see her when she got home, etc. That surprised me.

OM was...not that impressive. A little taller than me. Not dressed that well, a little pudgy. I was underwhelmed, to say the least.

What I felt:
Very little. (But enough to write about it....) No anger, sadness, longing, nothing. The most memorable moment of the evening was the conversation I had with the attractive young lady by the bar. I know, I know. Bad MB disciple, bad, bad! You must understand, that my confidence and ego are having to be completely rebuilt. So i chatted with her about the band and what not, I had no intentions other than to see if I could keep myself composed. I talked to her for about 10 minutes! I was completely impressed that I was able to hold intelligent conversation, with a cute girl.....Wow! Of course, she did offer (I didn't ask) that her BF was one of the bartenders. I exited stage left ASAP. (Touchy subject for me!) Please save my lashings.....

What WW saw:
A way different furnitureman than she had seen in a while.

I was wearing faded jeans like the kids wear these days. Nice semi-tight fitting T-shirt like the kids wear these days. I was tan from my recent trip. My hair was highlighted, and looked good. My cologne had managed to last through the show. I had worked out hard this evening and still had some of my post workout muscle tone. So there I was, presenting the best tfm that has seen the light of day for a while. In shape, tan, well dressed, smelling good, and happy, confident, not intimidated by her or OM.

And what does OM see? His "GF" give this guy ^ a hug and hold a conversation with her.

I think I did well. I've worked hard on me. Tonight I showed it to myself. The bonus was that WW and OM got to see me at the top of my game as well.

After my whining the past few days, I was exposed to the beauty and strength of Plan B all in one evening. And I see now who I am becoming, uncovering.

And WW had to look the man that has loved her more than any other dead in the eye. She takes the image of me, home to her tiny apartment, "home" to her OM (they don't live together). And I bet that tonight, before she (or OM3) goes to sleep, a thought, no matter how brief or fleeting, will be of me.

Thank you to those who have read this far.

Thank you to every MB friend who has gotten me from the quivering mess I was in February to where I am today.

Thank You!

Ethan

Ethen,

All I can think of to say to you is WOW!!!!
What a great experience you just discribed here.....I am really speachless. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

You did so well! and your confidence seems undeniably strong! GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!

My "thought" before reading the last part of your thread was "wonder if your WW is thinking~~~ I made a huge mistake!!!"..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Your newfound spirit is great,your growth and outlook is so inspiring!

Im going to bed....and I am so glad this is the last thread I will read. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> made my heart happy! congrats!!! you did SO GOOD!

Blessings,
atruheart

Good job, Ethan.

Steve H's advice if you have a chance meeting during Plan B: pull out your old Plan A for a few minutes.

Now, you know what to do if she attempts to contact you now in the near term, right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

WAT

<small>[ November 07, 2004, 09:02 AM: Message edited by: cipher ]</small>

I'm not predicting that she will contact him. I'll be surprised if she does. But his performance certainly ought to get her thinking - depending on how frequently she beams back up to have her brains stirred.

Let's assume that she gets past the intermediary:

Mrs. F: Hi, can we get together and talk?

FM: Sure!! - depending on what you want to discuss.

Mrs. F: It was nice talking to you the other night after the show and I was hoping we could be friends instead of you shutting me out.

FM: There's NOTHING more in this world that I would rather do - as soon as you agree to what I said in my letter to you. Are you ready to work on our marriage??

Mrs. F: Ah....., er, well....... not exactly. I'm happy beaming back and forth to the Mothership and the view, is well, planetary!!!

FM: Sorry to hear that. Please re-read my letter and let me know when you change your mind.

WAT

<small>[ June 03, 2004, 08:51 AM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

WAT,

My thoughts exactly. I would be genuinely surprised if she made any attempt to contact me. I think she has way too much "pride" to turn back towards me in the near future. She is so *happy* right now.

And I'm OK with that.

She doesn't get back in without meeting the expectations of the PBL. Period.

cp,
I do want to be with her. My PBL outlined what is required for that to happen. The only thing last night did for me was reenforce what I fight for. But if she doesn't get Committed Relationship 101 figured out, I'll pass......

God is continuing to bless.........RR

ooooh furniture man! You did so darn good!

RR & star*fish,

Thanks for the kind words.

The thing that I find most surprising was that I didn't have to decide. I did what felt natural.

The text message...it's cool.

Oh, look, WW's name is on the list. Whatever.

I talked to the girl at the bar. Not once did I think that I hope WW does/doesn't see me. Farthest thing from my mind.

Saw WW face to face. Gave her a hug, smile not caring whether she returned it. Saw her and OM together, and it didn't really phase me. (Although if I saw my "GF" with an old flame, I would walk over and say hi. Wonder why he didn't...)

It was then that the beauty of Plan B hit me. Up to this point I had done a perfect Plan B. Zero Contact. The only thing I had felt was the physical distance. It wasn't until I was faced with a real life scenario, did I see the emotional distance I had achieved.

It was very liberating. It provides me with a distinct clarity that I hadn't felt prior to this.

I don't know what impact (if any) this had on WW. Who knows. But I felt good about the whole evening.

Ethan

ethan - Good job. You will find Plan B gets easier and easier as your self-esteem comes back. It is really a great way to recover, with or without WW.

Ethan way to go, I hope I find my happy place one day. Ah the indifference stage. You go ethan.

TFM, okay since you brought the subjects up (ie. looking the best you ever have), i'll ask you some questions. you can answer them here or on my thread "doing what i can for as long as i can......."

i've lost 39lbs since february. i had already decided to lose weight before dday. joined weight watchers, joined a gym, and lost about 4lbs before dday. i lost 16.5lbs in feb, 11.2 in march, 10.2 in april, and only 2 in may (i fell off the wagon), but i'm back on the wagon again and still have a ways to go until i reach my max IBW. approx. 27lbs. now, i still want to lose more than that, my target weight is 115-120 and i haven't weighed that since 1997. i cracked a rib in fall 97, put on 40lbs in 2mos because they said i couldn't exert myself and it's been down hill ever since. so ideally i want to loose about 42lbs. if you can do the math i'm sure you can figure out how much i weigh. i'm 5 3'. i especially want to lose an additional 7lbs by july 1st when i plan on seeing my H again (he doesn't know that yet).

i am a nurse so i do know some medical stuff and have done weight watchers and joined a gym so i know some additional "stuff." from what i can understand, in order to maintain your weight you only have to exercise 30min 3 days a week but to LOSE weight you have to do at least an hour most days of the week. so my question is (i know, finally) does that hour have to be one solid hour at a high intensity? or can it be an hour of weight lifting, cross-training, riding bike, etc. i have also read and been taught that it is best to break things up (like not always walking on the treadmill) to get the most out of your work outs. that if your going to run/jog/walk that it's better to do it in intervals like slow-med then do some high intensity for so many minutes then return to the slow-medium.

i'm not having a difficult time w/the time, i actually spend closer to 90-120min at the gym when i go. i try to weight lift (nautilus and free weights) every other day and then do some walking on the treadmill to warm up/cool down and mostly do the cross-trainer for at least 30min at a time. we also have some recumbent bikes that i get on every once in awhile. i do like doing aerobics especially tae-bo/kickboxing or step aerobics but honestly the music that the instructors use at my gym really stinks and i can't get motivated w/it. i know i'm rambling so i'll try and wrap it up.

so what would you recommend given that you work out a lot, doing the cross trainer for a full 45-60 minutes then do something else or does it really matter? when i am on the cross trainer i usually go forward for 3 minutes then reverse it for 2 minutes then forward again and so (i don't want to get huge quads). get on the treadmill and change it up between jogging/walking/running for 60 minutes? let me know what you think. of course i could ask some of the trainers at the gym but they charge for everything and i just don't have the money right now to do that. i would appreciate any input and you keep up the good work as well, God Bless, RR

Go Ethan,

You did great! I am so proud of you for being you.

HINY

TFM...what a great post and I have to say that reading it was like a reading a good book. You are a very good writer!!!!

Lisa,

Thanks!

I've been reading a lot of F. Scott Fitzgerald lately.

If you review my posts you can probably pick up the point in time that I started reading more.

You probably have a bit of Fitz on the brain when you use the phrase "innate stubbornness" in a sentence......

I can totally relate to "innate stubborness"!! I like that term. It's just nice to see a male who can express himself as freely as you do!!

Yeah.... and look where it's gotten me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

All self-deprecating humor aside, I've always been a good story teller.

That's all I was doing, telling my story.

I'm somewhat curious to see if it leads anywhere. I've been trying to focus on standing still, so I can let God's will take control, and so I can be in one place if WW turns toward me.

Ethan

So, FM. Who the heck is "Fuel." Could they have once been a warm-up band for Black Sabbath? Or was it the Luvin' Spoonful?

Hard to remember. My Oldstimers disease. Maybe JL or Pep could help (but not ark^^).

WAT

i liked what was said about plan b and when it's broken on another post. that when plan B is broken by the WS then you can pull out a plan A and then go back to plan B, depending on the encounter. you didn't panic and that takes a great deal of self-control and you've got it down pat. don't start to think about what transpired too much because unless she's willing to do the NC and MC or whatever you outlined in the PBL then you just have to move on, so to speak. keep up the good work and prayers to you.

WAT,

Fuel is one of those bands that managed to make it out of the late '90s. They were post Grunge, pre "Mall-ternative." Roughly the same time that the Matchbox 20, 3rd Eye Blind 's of the world showed up. They're bigger songs are "Bad Day" and "In My Hands". They played Tom Petty's "Last Dance with Mary Jane" the other night, which was really cool.

The first time I saw them was 2001, when they opened up for Aerosmith. Certainly Aerosmith is old enough for you to know, WAT. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

RR,
Thanks again. It's hard not to wonder what's going on with her, what affect it had, if any. At the same time, she still definitely doesn't become part of my life without meeting the PBL.

And I'm OK with that.

Ethan