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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 55
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 55 |
Been lurking here off and on for awhile. Is it ever ok to lie to your WS while you are in Plan A.
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 2,028
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 2,028 |
What purpose would that serve?
You have to be willing to live the principles you want your spouse to live. If you lie to them - how can you expect differently FROM them?
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 5,798
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 5,798 |
There's an MB concept called Radical Honesty. The MB 4 rules of successful marriage include honesty as one rule.
So, no, Plan A does not involve lying to the WS.
Your honor and integrity belong to you. Your actions are under your control.
No matter what your WS has done.
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 55
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 55 |
<small>[ July 28, 2004, 08:45 PM: Message edited by: spinning the drain ]</small>
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Let us know more about your situation. You are exactly right. When you confront WS with information, they just cover it up better.
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 5,798
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 5,798 |
Ok, with you example, if she asks you if you, let's summerize it as "snoop" you can:
a) say yes you do, but, since you intend on continuing, you don't intend to tell her how.
b) say you don't want to answer the question.
c) explain that if she has nothing to hide, then she should have no problem with you searching, as you would not find anything.
I see a difference between withholding information and outright lying, though omission can be a kind of lying, as in a WS answering the Q "what did you do last night?"
And, this you don't explain: "Privacy" is a big keyword for WSs, they always need privacy, space, and time.
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 2,028
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 2,028 |
I agree - snooping is a protection issue. If she asks you, however, it doesn't really do you any good to lie.
You can pretty much bet that if she's defensive and seems to be hiding something - there's something to hide.
When/if she is ready to recommit to the marriage - she will likely still be reluctant to give up her 'privacy', however may begrugingly do so if she's truly committed to proving herself trustworthy.
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