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Is it ever OK to
#1146066 06/12/04 02:41 PM
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 55
S
spinning the drain
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spinning the drain
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Been lurking here off and on for awhile. Is it ever ok to lie to your WS while you are in Plan A.
Re: Is it ever OK to
#1146067 06/12/04 02:43 PM
Joined: Feb 2002
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What purpose would that serve?

You have to be willing to live the principles you want your spouse to live. If you lie to them - how can you expect differently FROM them?
Re: Is it ever OK to
#1146068 06/12/04 02:48 PM
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Lor (Lor) Offline
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There's an MB concept called Radical Honesty. The MB 4 rules of successful marriage include honesty as one rule.

So, no, Plan A does not involve lying to the WS.

Your honor and integrity belong to you. Your actions are under your control.

No matter what your WS has done.
Re: Is it ever OK to
#1146069 06/12/04 02:49 PM
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Posts: 55
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spinning the drain
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spinning the drain
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<small>[ July 28, 2004, 08:45 PM: Message edited by: spinning the drain ]</small>
Re: Is it ever OK to
#1146070 06/12/04 02:58 PM
Joined: Sep 2003
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believer Offline
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Let us know more about your situation. You are exactly right. When you confront WS with information, they just cover it up better.
Re: Is it ever OK to
#1146071 06/12/04 02:59 PM
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Lor (Lor) Offline
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Ok, with you example, if she asks you if you, let's summerize it as "snoop" you can:

a) say yes you do, but, since you intend on continuing, you don't intend to tell her how.

b) say you don't want to answer the question.

c) explain that if she has nothing to hide, then she should have no problem with you searching, as you would not find anything.

I see a difference between withholding information and outright lying, though omission can be a kind of lying, as in a WS answering the Q "what did you do last night?"

And, this you don't explain: "Privacy" is a big keyword for WSs, they always need privacy, space, and time.
Re: Is it ever OK to
#1146072 06/12/04 03:03 PM
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 2,028
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hope4future Offline
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I agree - snooping is a protection issue. If she asks you, however, it doesn't really do you any good to lie.

You can pretty much bet that if she's defensive and seems to be hiding something - there's something to hide.

When/if she is ready to recommit to the marriage - she will likely still be reluctant to give up her 'privacy', however may begrugingly do so if she's truly committed to proving herself trustworthy.

Moderated by  Fordude 

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