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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 142
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 142 |
It has been five months since D-day and my question to the forum is how do you manage to meet WH's EN's when you are barely making it through the day. I find that I can barely keep body and soul together never mind still meet WH's EN's. When I am at home all I do is the chores and if I've got nothing else to do all I want to do is sleep. I find absolute bliss in sleeping because that way I don't have to face anything. . .my hurt and sadness is still so intense that whilst there is no LB'ing there is very little else. We just seem to get through each day one at a time. Does this ever get better?
Enid
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 142
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 142 |
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 130
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 130 |
I'm not sure I'm in a position to reply. But anyway I just wanted to say that I know how you feel and you are not alone. But I guess you have to try to be positive and think if you do meet EN your spouse will appreciate it one day and start to meet yours.
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,965
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,965 |
Enid,
Sounds to me like you might be depressed. Have you seen a doctor and discussed anti-depressants?
What are your H's top 2 or 3 ENs? Maybe you could make a little list of things that would meet his top ENs and then set a goal of each day doing two. If you have something concrete and attainable, perhaps you won't feel so overwhelmed.
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,756
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,756 |
Enid, Well from being here you must know that "sleeping" a lot is a good sign for depression. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Are you in M/C? I/C? I suggest may be start there. May be C will see that you need a little help with the depression. I could understand the fact that besides the hurt and "zombie" like state your in...you have not the desire for the EN's. Communication....READ....pray! That's the only advise I feel I can give. Blessings, Atruheart
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 142
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 142 |
I am currently seeing a psychiatrist and am on an anti-depressant. I sometimes wonder if its the anti-depressant that makes me want to sleep all the time. I am just so sad that meeting my own needs don't even figure in my life never mind meeting my WS's needs. We just drift through each day and he seems happy to do that. As long as I am not making waves he seems content to drift along as we are doing.
By the way I live in South Africa so we don't have access to MB here and all I have learnt about MB has been from this site. I just find everyone on this site so wonderful and helpful and I read as much as I can and learn as much as I can from you guys. Thanks to all of you, its about the only thing that has kept me sane these past five months.
Enid
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,965
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,965 |
Enid,
Is he still involved with OW? If not, now long has there been NC?
As long as he's involved with OW your attempts to meet ENs are not going to be felt by him. You should still attempt to meet them, however, so that when he looks back he will see an improved you. Also, it's good practice for you, learning to be a better focused spouse and aware of your H's needs.
Could you make a signature file that shows how long since DDay, how long since NC, if there are kids, etc? That will help people reply to you. Click "my profile" link near the top of the page, then "View/Update Profile" then fill in the Signature.
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 142
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 142 |
I tried filling in my signature and am sending this mail to see how well that worked. . .I am a bit stupid with things like that. We are both 57 years old and have been married for 38 years. We have two daughters who are both grown up and out of the house. There has been no contact since last year according to my WH but I have no way of knowing whether there has been contact or not. My hardest task is getting myself in a place where I don't feel so depressed and miserable and maybe then I could do more to meet his EN's. He refuses to discuss the A at all. . .there is nothing I can do to force him to discuss it and I find that I have had no closure if that makes any sense to you.
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