Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#1146718 06/14/04 09:55 PM
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 9
T
tabgip Offline OP
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
T
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 9
I found out on Feb 23 that my husband had been calling a phone service and "talking" with women around the counties that we live in. Then he informs me taht he had a one time fling with a woman in the parking lot he met from one of these party lines back in the fall. I had thought everything was going ok until I made this discovery. I was absolutely devestated. I threw him out and he repented and wanted came home. I felt it was too soon for him to come home (I really was not ready). We try and talk things out but the problem is, I can't get it out of my head. He thinks because he can't see the hurt on my face everything is ok then when I have a break-down (because I have them at strange times) he wants to know when all this is going to be over with. How do I move on? I resent everything that he does sometimes. Little issues are big issues. I'm snappy. These characteristics are not me! I get so confused sometimes. Right now he is in there snoring away like he hasn't a care in the world while I struggle day to day just to keep a positive attitude. EVERYTHING reminds me of this A. Right down to the side of the bed that I sleep on. I can't stand who I've become but I do not know how to deal with it. I don't trust him at all and I don't know how to lovingly deal with that. We are both Christians and have a wonderful support group but I get really sick of burdening my friends. I could really use some advice.
Thanks a bunch.

Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
Dear Tab,

Welcome to MB. Sorry for your pain and suffering but you have come to a place where support to heal both you and your M (providing your H wants the same) is strong.

1st let's start you out by recommending you do some reading. Your H is snoring because he has already unloaded on you and you appear to stil be in the shock stage. Each BS goes through grieving stages also. Anger is one of them.

Please go to the top of this link and click on the concepts section. Read all that is there and then print out the EN questionnaire. If both of you can take it fine. If not you do it once for you and once as him.

Then get ahold of the books: Surviving an Affair and His Needs/Her Needs. Both are by Dr W. Harley. The 2nd book will help you best but both are good to read.

See if you can both get to a good MC or better yet, call MB and setup phone counseling w/Steve or Jennifer.

Recovery is a long road. Longer than the A. Resolution runs deep and plan for a bumpy ride.
But it is something you will survive. If your H is back as your H and not as the WS, he will survive also. Most WS don't have a happy existance as a WS.

Most BS survive and become stronger as a result. You have good options ahead of you. Recovery is in 2 stages: 1st for you and him separately, then together as a couple.

Pray for the a clear mind and a calm heart. Also pray for patience. Know that both of you need time to heal and each will do it in a different way. Your needs are different, your reactions will be also. They can either conflict or work in harmony.

Hope this helps,
L.

Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 9
T
tabgip Offline OP
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
T
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 9
Thank you for your reply. I know he is more than willing to work things out. He gets very frustrated at me and I just shut down. I will print out the info you recommended and read through it.
Thanks again.

Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 1,105
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 1,105
I am sorry for your pain. Orchid gave you some great advice. There are a couple of websites you might visit. www.restorem.org Also www.rejoiceministries.org

I can only imagine the pain you must feel at your husband's betrayal and how thoughts of it torment your mind. I pray that God gives you peace, comfort, wisdom, and rest. My heart goes out to you.

May God bless and be near you.

<small>[ July 11, 2004, 01:20 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 9
T
tabgip Offline OP
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
T
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 9
How thoughtful and sweet. Thank you so much for the links. I guess one of the things that has amazed me most is the number of women (especially at church) who have come to me and said "I know what you are going through...if you want to talk...)in reality, it is them who wants to talk. I hope that I have helped them out but I guess that is one reason why I don't want to talk about it to people I know anymore....and partly too, my emotions are SOOOOOO unpredictable right now. I may be fine and have a great out-look or I may be mad at the world. The emotional mixed bag of tricks is what is so difficult, and the images, and running the time frame, and....and...and....and.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> (see my emoticons can't even make up their minds!)


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 31 guests, and 52 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Overcomer4513, caraduke, Convict20, GTNY, Avianna
71,737 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,550
Posts2,322,811
Members71,737
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5