I don't know what to do. I got home from work today and there was a notice from the IRS that says we owe them $29,000. This is obviously a mistake. I called WH to get the number of the accountant who prepared the taxes (one of WH's co-workers). He didn't answer so I left a message. A few minutes later the accountant called back. WH didn't even bother to call me. I called WH back to find out where the tax returns are. He has them at his office but can't get them to me until Sunday night because he is in Atlantic City. I spoke to him this morning and he didn't mention that he was going away.

I just know that he is with her. Why else wouldn't he have called me back? Wouldn't you have been concerned if you got a notice like this? I think I am losing it. I just left a mesasge for an attorney that someone recommended to me; although, I guess I won't hear back until Monday.

I don't know how to deal with all this anymore. It is just too much.

OK, take some deep breaths. Everything will settle down eventually. Let's take this one step at a time.

IMHO, do not concern yourself with your H's whereabouts right now. Nor whom he may or may not be with. You have done well so far. Contacting the accountant is good. Doesn't he have copies of your return? Did he have any ideas what could be happening?

You know to expect the copies on Sunday. Are you going to contact the accountant then? Does you or your WH normally handle this type of thing?

Did you contact the D lawyer because of this IRS thing, or were you leaning that way before? As far as I know, getting a separation now or D now will not protect you financially if you filed jointly with him. Of course, what I know about the law could fit in a very small space, so . . .

While separated from my FWH, I consulted with a D lawyer. H kept saying crazy things because he was angry because my actions of exposing the A scared off the OW and she dumped him. So, he would threaten to take away his check, take the kids, the house. So I went to a lawyer so I knew first-hand what my rights were.

And I hated being there, in that office, for that reason. And I wanted to leave. But I stayed. And afterward, I felt such a sense of relief. I knew everything H was saying to me was BS. After that, when he would say stuff like that to me, it didn't affect me at all. HE was the one who was ignorant. HE was the one living in a dreamworld. I was fully in reality, taking care of my business and our kids.

I believe the change in my attitude once I found out the facts is one of the things that brought my H back home.

Have hope. Things turn around. Things change. Just as they have changed for the worse for you, eventually they can change just as completely for the better.

SS

I'm trying to calm down but I just can't tonight. Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones kicking in. I know the IRS thing is a mistake, I do well finacially, but not so well that I could be off by $27K in taxes! It is probably just a mistake with my SSN by my old company that was purchased mid year.

What bothers me is that I think he is with her. Why else wouldn't he call me back when he got the message? Wouldn't a normal person be worried to get a call like that. Maybe I'm being irrational and he isn't with her, the not knowing is killing me. I can't take the emotional roller coaster, it is tearing me apart. And I can't afford this right now. I have to take care of myself for the baby. I went to the doctor this week and he said I should be eating twice what I am now. Hard to do when you have no appetite.

So far I have been nothing but nice to him. And I thought I might be getting somewhere this week. He called me on the phone several times, where before we were just e-mailing. I even told him he could come to the sonogram to see what sex the baby is. But maybe being nice isn't working. Maybe he should have to suffer the consequences of his actions. He gets to be the swinging bachelor while his BS stays at home taking care of everything and growing his baby. I know he is looking forward to the baby. He is planning on taking two weeks off when he/she is born and then another 12 weeks after I go back to work. It would kill him if I put a visitation schedule together like the one Durham is doing. Maybe he deserves that.

But now I am doing exactly what I told myself I wouldn't do. I don't want to use the baby in this. I need to think of the baby's needs first.

Hopefully it is a mistake from the IRS. I would forget about where he is and what he is doing. It won't make any difference in the long run.

I am concerned about you not eating. Get some Ensure or some kind of supplement. You need to eat, no matter what he is or is not doing.

Believer - Not really worried about the IRS thing, it's just not a headache I needed to deal with right now (of course neither is any of this stuff with WH). I've got a grocery list so I can go shopping and start on the diet the doctor put me on tomorrow. I just wish I knew for sure what was going on this weekend. I guess I'll find out on Sunday.

Sweetie - take care of you and your baby. There are better times ahead. Your WH's timing stinks, but you can get through this.

I just weighed myself again this morning and I am down another 3 lbs this week. I thought I had done better with the eating this week but I did walk a lot this week so maybe that's it. I have found these Snapple Meal Replacement Juices that have a bunch of protein and other minerals in them. I guess I'll just have to drink one of these with each meal for now. This weight loss is really starting to scare me.

Yeah. I almost passed out in Barnes and Noble standing up from getting a book on . . . you guessed it, affairs. I thought, how embarassing to pass out in the aisle here, holding a book about how to survive your spouse's affair!

That is when I realized I hadn't eaten in about 2 days. And the "meal" I'd had then was tomato soup. So, that is when I decided that each day I would force myself to eat something. I was not pregnant, so mine was a yogurt in the morning, and tomato soup during the day. Each had lots of calcium and other stuff for me, and my weight loss slowed down.

I think setting yourself up with a schedule for eating, and buying those things you need, will help you a lot. You have decided what to eat with your doctor? I say, choose simple things you can do. Yogurt, power bars, soup, sandwiches, frozen dinners.

I know everything tastes like ashes right now. Nothing sounds appealing. You cannot remember the last time you actually WANTED to eat. But just take the time and process the food. And take your prenatal vitamins. Those suckers are complete! You should be OK if you are taking those.

Make sure you are drinking lots of water. That amniotic fluid needs to replenish itself all the time. The prenatal nurse when I was pregnant was stressing this to us new moms, and one of the girls asked if KoolAid counted as water. The nurse asked the girl if she would mop her floors with KoolAid. Point taken!

You do need to keep your head on you and the baby. Your WH is such the major loser in all of this. AND, when he comes out of the fog, he is going to feel horrible about his behavior. BUT, for now, pretend he is gone gone gone. Everything you do needs to be about you and the baby. Period.

I did that near the end of our separation. Just got into my life, my kids' lives, took care of us, and H came running home.

Take care, girlfriend. You can do this. You have to do this. So, do it well. Make the decision. Adn know that no matter what your H does or doesn't do, you have been true to yourself, your commitments, your family - your baby. You can only control you.

Lots of support and HUGS to you!

SS

kloe - How are you doing this morning? I was thinking that if you have a blender, just put some healthy food in it, add some ice-cream or yogurt and then drink it. That way you get lots of nutrition.

And you can drink it while you are on MB.

Believer - I'm doing better then I was last night (god knows I couldn't do worse), thank you for checking. I was a little shaken to see that I had lost another 3 lbs this week. I went out and got some protein bars to snack on. This is just a rough weekend because I don't have any plans. I went and got a couple movies to watch tonight and I'm getting ready to take the dogs to the park. I just try and take it one hour at a time.

It is miserable when you are going through this, but you will get better. Get some plans going. I always plan something. I started with organizing the house. I really got into it, then moved on from there.

You have to do this for yourself, because no one else is taking care of you. Make a promise to yourself that you will be good to you.

Kloe -

I just read this post for the first time. I am so sorry you are going through this while you are pregnant with your first baby.

What a blessing (not that you might be a single mom and you have such a horrendous heartache) but that next year you are going to have a BABY.

I had my only baby when I was 35(nine years ago) and she is the love of my life. I thank God everyday for her.

Take care of yourself Kloe, as hard as that might be right now. When this baby comes, you are going to know a joy and love like no other.

Weaver

I can't wait for the baby to get here, it is the only thing that keeps me going some days. It just makes me so sad that this child may never know what it's like to grow up in a normal, two parnet household. I start to think what holidays will be like when the baby is older and it makes me sad.

I went to church this morning (for the first time in years) and prayed for WH to find his way back to his values and morals, if not to save our marriage then in order to be a better parent for our child. I don't know what kind of father he can be right now and that scares me. I know under all of this he is a good, kind, caring person; eventhough his actions of late do not portray this.

I thought that when I was pregnant too. But as it turns out my daughter has a great life. She has never seen her parents fight. She has the best of two worlds (her dad & his wife, who adore her) and me.

I have a feeling there are going to be a lot of changes for your husband when baby comes. I just posted to Durham how my x changed when Paige was born. We didn't get back together, but he really became a good guy. He wanted to get back together for awhile after Paige was born, but I didn't.

Your baby could still very likely have both parents together in one home. Babies have a funny way of bringing people back together.

I have to go, but I'll be following your story and praying for you.

Weaver

Kloe,

I too am concerned about your continued weight loss.I don't know when your due date is but it may help you to go to the frozen food aisle and pick out some super high caloric/fat frozen dinners to help replace the calories that you are losing.Stouffers,as an example, has some meals that have several hundred calories and 20-30+ grams of fat per serving and they taste good because of all that fat.

I can understand if it is difficult for you to even get any food down while going through this ordeal.I think I would have had to have been force fed in the beginning of the Infidelity to keep from losing more weight.Thankfully the AD's helped in that department.

At one point,I went to Wendy's to eat because years ago,I had this really weird medical condition happening to me that went undiagnosed.I had every test done which turned out negative.But the main issue was I could not eat.I literally could not get food down,my body just wouldn't let me.It was not a functional problem,all the "pipes" were clear but I was losing a lot of weight.

Anyway,some days there would be one point during the day where I did feel hungry so I went out and got the highest calorie/fat meal I could find just to get something in me.You need to look at calorie and fat contents in foods not just nutritonal values ok? Milkshakes come to mind too,I think believer mentioned ice cream.You know your baby gets his/her nutrition from YOU so there has to be something there for the baby to take.Get anything in that you can.The more calories/fat the better if you are barely eating anything(hence the continued weight loss).Also focus on proteins.

O

Octobergirl - I am trying the high protein diet that the nutritionist outlined for me. My doctor doesn't want me to focus on a number on the scale, he wants me to focus on getting the baby the nutrients that he/she needs. I did pretty good today, I know not enough but it's hard to double your calorie intake right away. As long as the baby is growing and developing properly the doctor doesn't care if I gain or lose weight. Since he knows this is a problem, he said we would monitor it and deal with it as we go along (I really like this doctor). I should probably cut back on the exercise until the weight lose stops. At least I am able to keep the pre-natal vitamins down and I am drinking plenty of water.

This baby is all I have going for me right now and I need to make sure I take care of him/her.

Well the attorney called back and I made an appointment for Thursday. I just want to see what my rights are. How long can I stay in the house and still force him to pay half the mortgage? How long would it take if he filed? What about my 401K? How much of the proceeds of the house would he get? And so forth. I am dreading going but at least if I know this information maybe that will put my mind at ease on this subject.

Also, I spoke to the IRS yesterday. The error was on their end and they supposidly fixed it. They are suppose to send a letter in the next 3-4 weeks that states this. We'll see.