She still can't (won't) open up to me. We (I) talked for a long time tonight about the way I was feeling. Carrying all the weight, feeling like I was alone in working on the M. Bore my soul, and then...... silence (again). Nothing! But, then later she decides at almost 11:00 that she wants to run out to the store and get me a Father's Day present. She often runs out to the store when the heat is on. This time it's for (Father's Day). I told her I didn't want her to go out this late, our car is not in the best running order and it's late. I din't want my wife out on the roads, I would worry. But, no, she really wants to... I told her why would I appreciate a Father's Day present that my W got me when she stepped on my face on the way to the store to get it? She doesn't respect me any more. My words mean nothing. I'm not her jailer, this house is not a prison, but I sure am tired of the treatment. There is no respect for me anymore. Ever since Dday there has been none.

I am reaching my limit to living in silence. We can talk all day long about TV, movies, her day at work, but don't you dare bring up our relationship or she just shuts down. Don't talk about the M. And, don't you dare bring up the A. I'm left with my guts hanging out and she just wants to move on like there's nothing to it. I feel like she doesn't give a *&^& about the kids, or me anymore. There's only so long I will subject myself to this junk.

She's out riding, doing who knows what, and I'm here posting on this board. You people have talked to me more than anyone during all of this. I just pray my wife comes around. I read of success stories on this site and I just say to myself, God, I wish my W. could sit down with that FWW and talk about things.

Well, I've got a long night ahead of me. But, at least my W is happy, she got what she wanted, even though she had to walk all over me to get it.

Hey Run...

I don't remember seeing this before in any of your posts - are you two in counseling?

It was and still is horribly tough to talk about the A with hubby so I can see where sometimes one would want to avoid the topic. Sounds like your wife is doing some major avoiding though. Has she always been like this when problems have come up in the past?

Hi RWS,

Hey, hang in there... I've been there...

My W was the same way... It took me a long time to finally realize that she wasn't opening up to me because of the way that I responded to her answers...

I would get angry with her, call her all sorts of horrible names, then expect her to tell me more... I hate to admit it, but I wasn't the "perfect" BS <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

You can only control yourself and your feelings... let your W know that her actions are hurting you, but then YOU must deal with your feelings... Once your W starts seeing that you can handle your feelings and your emotions, she'll more than likely open up more...

It's not fair, and it's terribly frustrating.... but if you want to rebuild your M, then this is part of the hard work that you must do.

Semper Fi,
RIF90

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> We can talk all day long about TV, movies, her day at work, but don't you dare bring up our relationship or she just shuts down. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My WW is EXACTLY the same way. Pleasant unless I bring up the M or try to reach out to her.

As for standing up and showing your wife you won't let her continue to hurt you, I'm struggling with how to do that myself without lobbing a big fat LB. My sparrow is engaged in a power grab right now, and anything I do that makes it seem like I'm trying to lecture, judge, or control her is a big no-no.

Given what I've been told here and my own experience, I'd say your complaints about doing all the work to save the M are lost on your wife.

So she walks all over you and is disrespectful. SpiderSlayer would tell you to "take it all with a grain of salt" and "remember the woman you love".

On the bright side, she was going out to do something for you. On the dark side, it's probably a guilt-reducing maneuver. I think WSes like to do these things. Mine tries to do chores when she's here (I foil her plans by making sure everything is done before she gets here). OM's W tells me he has offered her household chores, compliments, and gifts in the same conversation as divorce talk.

These people are not in their right minds. They need to be kidnapped and deprogrammed. They manufacture alternate realities to justify their rotten behavior and use fake generosity to avoid guilt.

GC

GC,

I just wanted to say I loved that last paragraph you wrote to RWS.My WH has been portraying Mr.Nice to me and I find it all so fake.WHY NOW? Why didn't he do the dishes before or want to go out with the kids and do family things before the A? Is he trying to make ammends? It's HOGWASH.It's like ingnoring the giant elephant in the room.Yes you can be nice to me if it makes you feel better about CHEATING on me.Whatever.I don't buy it and it doesn't erase his continued adultery.

Sorry for the threadjack.

o

Octobergirl, thanks. Probably without meaning to, you made me laugh.

The other night I almost said to the sparrow, "Thank you, darlin', for changing that lightbulb. Now run along and have a fun time CHEATING ON ME. Don't be out too late."

Elephant in the room is right. It's rather funny when you think about it.

GC

Greycloud and Octobergirl - I have often wondered what the true motivation was behind my WH always asking what I needed him to do around the house - GUILT.

Isn't it amazing how consistent all these WS's are!?!?!?

The night my WW told me she was moving into her own apartment, she asked if she could make me a grilled cheese sandwich. "Sure Hon, it's 10PM, I feel like my life is over, but go ahead and fix me a sandwich. That will fix everything."

Amazing.

What are the status' of all the people who've replied... "WS still in contact," "WS still involved in the A," "WS and BS in recovery w/ NC?" I'm just interested.

Thanks

RWS, my WW just spent the weekend at her family's cabin with OM. She's getting an apartment. The day she said she wanted to get divorced, she said she was planning on being with him in the end, but that "right now we're just good friends". She's lost her marbles, man.

All my memories of being with her are tainted and demolished. But I would try to take her back if she came to her senses, and I will avoid divorce as long as I can, no matter how rotten she gets.

GC

My sig line says it all.WH is still involved with the homewrecker.PA here and there when he has a free day or weekend, they meet in New York now.Homewrecker drives/flies down on her broom from the cheating capital of the world: Toronto.Calling each other every day on cell phones and e-mailing and plotting and scheming all day long.

I'm divorcing the selfish,hurtful,porn lurking cheater for giving up everything we both once cherished for the single homewrecking ***** ** *****. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Sorry,for some reason I am mad again.Wonder why....

o

O, why is Toronto the cheating capital of the world? Another threadjack; sorry.

GC

I know so many people that live there and are cheating on their spouses.This includes many co-workers that my WH mentioned while he was there working.It almost seemed expected or commonplace to hear about someone cheating on their W/H.In fact,a close friend of my WH's who he was working with was the one who introduced the homewrecker to my WH and he also cheated on HIS wife but hasn't told her to this day.My WH had a bunch of cronies around him supporting the homewrecker being involved with a married man and supporting the adultery.Bunch of winners up there.

Of course I really don't have any idea what the cheating capital is,if there is one.It's just that I hate Toronto because that's the scene of the crime.I will never go there again as long as I live.

O

<small>[ June 20, 2004, 07:33 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>