My WH feels that he does not love me or it isn't normal to feel no remorse or guilt when he met and talked with OW and knew he was doing wrong.

He said even the first time he met her and kissed her he did not feel guilt. Is it normal not to feel guilt or remorse while in a affair? I told him that he trys to justify what he is doing by finding fault with our marriage to make it seem ok. Also my mom said that people have a way of suppressing their guilt.

They often don't feel guilt when they in the fog. No one wants to think they are doing wrong, so they often alter reality to justify the unjustifiable. After the addiction wears off they start seeing clearly and do feel enormous guilt usually.

However, it is ALWAYS a huge mistake to try to make a WS feel guilty. You only prolong their recovery by putting them in a defensive stance. If they aren't busy defending themselves, they will start thinking...........

My answer was going to be I felt no guilt but I actually did.

One weekend, just after the A started, I had such terrible panic attacks that my mother had to come and sit with me. I told her and H it was "stress at work."

Other times I would go outside and have a cigarette and shake, really shake, and cry about what I was doing.

Unfortunately, even that wasn't enough to make me stop the A.

Jenny

SadMary, personally I can’t imagine how any person with a conscience can get involved in an A without ever feeling any type of remorse or guilt… I was involved in an inappropriate friendship/beginning of EA and during this involvement I did experience guilt about the things I started kept secret from my H. However (as most WS do while they’re in the fog) I started to minimize and justify my behavior and feelings…and in the process I started to ignore/suppress my conscience. I do think some people can get so fogbound and consumed by their own self-justifications, that they start to ignore and suppress that small little voice at the back of their heads telling them what they are doing is wrong… I think an A is like a downward spiral: The longer a person continue in an A and the more serious it become, the deeper they sink into the fog, the more they start to suppress/ignore their conscience, the more they start to believe their own lies and justifications etc.