As the main breadwinner etc,financial director
of finances, I have profesional career, Have
wanting a divorce since 6 mths afte marriage ...
stuck it out to my misfortune...the best that came out of it is my daughter 20yrs old. I've been asking for a divorice for 3 yrs. my husband
is an emotioanlly/pshycogically abuseive individual...it just took me 25 yrs to realize this.I am a born-age christian/misionary...of which I cannot do since he does not approve..of any church or fellowship we've been to by his choice.know this well we have been thru secular/
christian counselers for 28 yrs. My present therapist is finally making me face facts of my denial....of what he has been doing to me for yrssssss. Note: When I finally got dx with epilepsey...he was no help...but it cleared the
fog in my mind to see what he was diong to me...
adultery, always white lies (there ok so he says)
I want out so bad that when I tell my therapist
what he is doing to me..hes says its just manipulation...we've tried all the books seminars
and at a mim. of 6 marriage couselors over the
years....he has said "If I only treated him better ouur marriage would be ok...but this started happening on our wedding nite(pretty bad
experience)....I don't Love him like i did for
25 years.....but its just toolmuch to endureonger much to endure anylonger.
As a Christian and always faithful...and have
stayed under the perils of threats(taking my
daughter) making my life a living hell if I went
thru with it,I feel convicted as well as shakled
in this marriage....I don't hold hope anylonger
sorry for puring out my woes.....any ideas anyone

Is there anything that you like about your husband? Have you had any good times with him? You could try Plan A with him. Read about it in my signature line.

Is there anyone else you are now interested in?

By the way, welcome to marriagebuilders.

Dear believer,
thaks for the response, no an particularly interested in any one, met one man who for 1st time he gave love and affection,and a listening ear. that I haven't had in 28 yrs not ever been attractive to anyone else. also a funny thing happened today I had to go to my jeweler....we ran into each other in the otside shoppng...HE
actually asked ne to have lunch, I did't want to offend him so I had a hot dog and mineral water...it was a weird situation....we left it v.cordiall...Just to set the recrd straigt, I 've
tried thru several different counselers....none has help...In the early yrs of marriage he refused to go even thouht I insisted....we've
been to over 5 marriage counselers in 28 yrs
We did your book hisneeds,her needs...he sleeps
thru most of the dicsussions...tells me the book
is negative and attacks him...THIS is the last chance for him i can't handle the "mantra" If you
only treated me better things would be better...
I finally realize that i've not enjoyed life for along time....and its no longer bearable too me..
i do believe i sincerly want a divore he'll NEVER
change...I've prayed,I've Cryed out to the Lord
and as aBaptist you ALWAYS stay...not for me anymore...was 1st said i lost 28 good yrs but i
realize no matterv what i do it will not change.
he needs to see a therapist and he vwill not go
about his own issues....a very sad ending to a very long marriagge....thanks for the listening ear..In Christ my beloved,,JeanS

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">but it cleared the
fog in my mind to see what he was diong to me...
adultery, always white lies (there ok so he says)
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">JeanS - While I hear your pain and would like to offer you some things to think about, I have several questions about your situation before offering any opinions.

You profess the title of "born-again Christian," so I want to speak to you as a brother in Christ.

Several times you mentioned advice from counselors and/or your husband about "treating him better." Could you expand on this a little so we can get an idea of how you have behaved toward your husband over the years? You also mentioned "abuse". What sort of abuse, how often, and has this been recent or events from far in the past?

In the above quotation you made a reference to adultery, but it was not clear. Has your husband committed adultery? If so, what are the facts? How recent? How long did it last? One affair or several? Why is he still with you if HE was the one to think the "grass is greener" and sought satisfaction for his "needs" in the arms of another woman? Have you been seeing trained Christian counselors or secular counselors?

In addition, were you a Christian before you got married?

Your answers to these questions will help us to formulate a better response to you.

God bless. I look forward to reading your responses.

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