hit me

smokum' peace pipe?

i don't wanna hit you .... I don't want you to hit me ---> on NCW's thread!!! His thread is FOR him .... not either of us.... .... say whatever critique ya wanna say here instead... K?

you first

Moi?

Okay.....

ummmmm

My Mom died of cancer this year, March. My Dad told the family the following about 2 weeks before Mom died...

"Don't be surprised if you knock on the door and I'm not home. I'll be in the garage with the car running."

This was a serious threat.... a man with a plan.... and we "turned him in" to his Doc. And Dad got help. AND .... Dad was told (by us) how crushingly cruel an act it would be to us, his 3 adult children, to kill himself when Mom was dying. Selfish, uncaring and cruel. And Mom gave Dad a piece of her mind about what "she" thought of his threat.

But, we did take him seriously. We did set him up with his Doc. I did see Dad over the 4th weekend and although his grief is a tsunami at times, he will not hurt his kids by threatening suicide.

Was my Dad's threat manipulation?

I don't think so. But, it's possible. He was not trying to escape his mis-deeds. He was trying to escape his pain.

Was RAP's threat manipulation? Possibly not ..... she hurts enough that's for sure .... and possibly , because she wants the focus to be away from the hurt she caused others and back onto her hurt.

It seems to me, she feels entitled to do and say anything, no matter how cruel, in order to express her grief and hurt. She has huge responsibility for creating her own hurt .... in ways my Dad did not. And suicidal threats can be a very manipulative way to avoid facing one's responsibilities.

"Don't tell me how badly I've behaved, I might kill myself." ...... you don't see this as manipulation? Especially since she wrote this on her BS's thread....

I believe she is screwed up way beyond the efforts of the good people on this board and she should leave the board for awhile and get real professional help. Too much pandering of a threat is dangerous. If she gains rewards for her threat (nice soft cooshy attention and loads of sympathy) this reinforces the value of the next threat.

Find yourself in a pickle of your own doing??? ---> Threaten your spouse with suicide, tie his hands with guilt.


Take your shot Max.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Pep: As always, well said. And as I've told you before, I appreciate your being here and hanging out with us. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Interesting thread...

Suicide is a tricky thing. Some seem to threaten, other's just do it.

My cousin committed suicide as a young adult about 20 years ago. Her parents have never recovered.

I'm not sure what/if triggers the "threat" turning it into action. Manipulation is certainly a possibility, but I believe great care needs to be taken to not challenge those who may be very fragile. I don't know how anyone including the professionals know for sure who is manipulating and who is fragile.

Guys, I know what I look like to you. I am not running away from the pain I have caused my family or not taking responsibility.

I will not threaten suicide again. However, I was not threatening. I did not have the guts. And I did not want to do it to my children. I did not say that to my children either.

It may be wimpy to bow out now, but I can tell when a judgment has been made.

I truly have been here at MB seeking help. Not trying to get pity.

RH and Pepperband you have made it clear what you think.

Got to admit, it hurts when you feel wrongly accused. Do you really know me all that well?

NOt wrongly accused of A, hurting H, and other selfish acts. Believe me, I KNOW THE PAIN I HAVE CAUSED. Do you think I am so stupid? I desire guidance, not pity.

Wrongly accused of just wanting pity and not wanting to take responsibility or get help.

YOu have made it very clear that I am not welcome. You have misjudged me however.

I will never be able to prove that to you, though.

Pam

PS Go ahead. Tell me now how this post is trying to get pity. I just don’t get it. Can I not express my feelings and just try to put things together? Are you all so perfect that you can judge me? Evidently so.

Sorry , by the time I had posted this thread it was just past midnight here, then the baby awoke so it was time to go..when she yells bot in the mid of night..its now or suffer.


I don't know how anyone including the professionals know for sure who is manipulating and who is fragile.

Where I am there is a protocol to follow.I assume its used in the US as well..added to that protocol . When someone starts listening....someone generally starts talking.

Even if the end result is manipulation such as found in DV...you /they get to the eventual crux of the behaviour and start working from there.

and I certainly agree RAP requires professional help.


Max <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ July 06, 2004, 06:48 PM: Message edited by: madmax ]</small>