thanks mimi <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.....
I'll have a look around here...

Daisy

ark......I hope you read this.

Great post.....got a question for you.


My H has moved out 8 months ago. What is your suggestion regarding phone calls and planning time together when the WS and the BS are seperated?


Daisy

Thank you Ark. I have been using elements of Plan A for the last few months although I can say I've fell off the wagon quite a few times. I posted my story here:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...;page=0#2933267

Please have a look. I'm wondering if a plan A will work in this situation. Thanks in advance.

I may be in the wrong spot, if so send me to where I should be. I can so relate to runningwithscissor's post of 7/04. dday for me was 9/6/05 & since then I have been doing plan A without knowing what plan A was until the last couple of weeks. In the meantime I feel like I've been totally losing myself in the process because one of the accusations from WH over the years was that I was never home. I've been involved in youth work & church for alot of the last few years. I now realize that in his eyes that was my A (heh, we all know it's about where we're getting our EN met) Anyway he's still dealing with his fog & alot of his responses to me are the same as runnings's. I've gotten to the point where I can't emotionally take any more. We were seeing a MC but WH quit making appointments at Thanksgiving. I went by myself a few weeks ago & decided that it was time to move on to issue an ultimatum - either work on this M together or it's time for me to move out - his decision. (Of course this is before finding MB) That night he came home & said he felt that one of us needed to move out. Given the state of our house (he's a carpenter & it's only half done & way beyond my capabilities or finances to fix) I said that I would be the one to go. I only work PT/min wage, but felt that I could find a better job & a place to live without much difficulty. I know I have a God that cares for me & my needs. The next day I found an apartment, a friend has one opening up in a month. WH & I talked & decided we'd made it this long we could handle another month. Since then I've "flipped out" twice on him (his words). I realized that my job skills are limited to what I've been doing for the last 18 years. It really scared me. After the second "flip" he told me that I wouldn't have to worry, he would make sure that I had food & my utilities would be paid. Like running, my WH says I've been a rock (up until this last week). How do I get back on track, keep on track, trust that I'm doing the right thing, trust him to follow thru on support if I need it, stop this runaway train?
bookstoremama
me-BW 49
WH 53
S: 24,23,28
Married 5/20/78
dd 9/6/05

Is he still with the OW
still in contact with her...

has he gone completely no contact

any children..

plan a has a definite starting point and end point...to be effective it is exhausting and all emcompassing to the best of your ability...
then on to plan b...which is complete darkness...

need more facts


ARK

He says he's not in contact, but with cell phone & email that I don't have access to it's easy to get paranoid. We have been married going on 28 years, 3 sons - 2 out of the house, the youngest a senior in high school. H can be very emotional & when I found he'd had contact in Oct - 2 months after DD - on a visit to his parents (his dad is in hospice at his home, not expected to live much longer) 1500 miles from home, H goes down on his knees outside Dad's bedroom window to apologize to me! I have to stuff how I feel to get him away from front of house. Due to the health concerns I didn't expose to his parents.
Part of the reason I felt it was time to move to plan B was that he has consistently been saying that he doesn't hate me, he just doesn't love me anymore, also that we just don't connect anymore. It doesn't seem to matter that he really doesn't do much of anything with me for there to be a connection. The last straw for me was how cold & distant he becomes whenever we are intimate. After the last three day pout, I finally asked him if he felt unfaithful to OW whenever we'd been together. He said yes. I then issued the ultimatum that if he couldn't deal with committed in marriage to me that it was time for me to move out. He came home that night & said he felt it was time for one of us to leave. The next day I went to find an apartment. I have a friend's place available to me in about a month. We talked & because we've been able to do this for 6 months felt we could handle 1 more month. Once the decision had been made I really started to lose it. It was only after a week of not sleeping more than a few hours a night, flipping out a couple of times because of the stresses of all the changes I have to make (job as well as housing) that he has started to see the effects of his choices. He is now saying he doesn't want me to have to leave, although how willing he is to see MC or read HNHN / LB & do the questionaires & really work on this marriage is questionable. I do realize that I need to set a definite timeframe as to how long I am willing to continue as things stand. I have concerns as to how I will be able to make if financially on my own, what I would need to have put in place for him to be helping me particularly if I'm not to have contact with him.
bookstoremama

bump

bump for alison and ezeye

Now Bump for SP67...

^^^ING for newbies.........

A^^

whitedaisy and others that carry this in their tag line ..thank you so very much..
it makes it easy to find...

here it is again.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> (wish we didnt' need it EVER for some newbies....

ARK

bump again...

i was doing a good plan a until last night when i got caught checking her phone messages..and questioned her about a dress i found in her car..is this a major setback?how do i rebound?

i was doing a good plan a but last night i got caught checking her phone messages and even tried to contact om..i had a slip i guess will this put a bad crimp in the plan..can i recover

mruggi, did you DJ when you approached her? LOL, got caught checking message. I don't know how manytimes I felt like a 007 agent trying to seek out information and fearing I would ge tcaught. Oh well, chalk it up to an effort to pursue info for working on your M and go on, mruggi. Try to be more secretive next time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

whats dj?....im not good at this sneaking stuff...just thought it ruined my plan a

bumping for so many in Plan A

BUMPING UP...

ark

^^

b u m p