OK i'm in plan A my H is committed to the marriage but i'm still unsure of the contact with ow. I'm pretty sure no contact outside of work but at work i somtimes worry they have contact. i've been having a problem with plan A b/c i am so susupious of what happends at work. if there emailing or calling. and i start LBING. i'm trying to find out if I should just tell myself that nothing is going on at there work and to try to just think like that?

i'm kind of scard to let my guard down. like if i let my guard down he'll start talking with her or get away with something? but i need to stop LBING. how do i do this?> i have a lot of suspiouns but the thing is i will NEVER know if he is or not talking to her at work so why be suspious all day long?

Any ideas thoughts, comments? Thanks

U need to work on this together. Now your issues are taking front and center. Work with a good MC or do some phone counseling with Steve @ MB. It w/b worth it.

Take the EN questionnaire together and read the book his needs/her needs by Dr W. Harley.

Do something symbolic to bring closure for both of you. Don't be too needy but don't be too staunch either. Walk the line and show you need him and appreciate his efforts but will not tolerate further A attitudes.

Steve Harley can help a lot right now. If you do, you will avoid or lessen false recoveries.

All the best,
L.

I did get the copy of his needs/her needs and we'll start reading it tonight. But as far as a MC our ins wont be in efefct until Sept and we cant afford a phone C b/c of our financial situation.

So for now i'm trying to do this on my own. he knows i wont stand for antyhign else.. things like him disapearing at work, her number on his phone bill or anything overly susupious but as for my everday feelings of susupioun i'm just wondering if i should let them go unless i have something concrete to go on? Thanks again

Can you do anything about financial situation? That is a terrible strain on a marriage. My WH and I struggled for years.

When he left for OW, I filed for bankruptcy, and now everything is better.

WE will have our bankruptcy lawyer paid off on august 15 plus i start workign august 2 so our financil situation should be 100x better by Septemeber!

Hi mylife... you sound just like I do. Just yesterday I told dh there was some serious trust issues I was having with our recovery... reason being is that he can be contacting her all day long on his email or calling her from his cell and I'd never know it. His cell phone is a buisness one so we don't get the bills (nor can I gain access to them, without rasing suspicion) and he is too smart and I know he'd clear the call logs on his cell if he or she did make contact via their cell phone..... So there really is no way for me to find out if I wanted to, other then asking him straight out, which is a LB for him. AUGH! SO where do we go from here? He told me that I just need to believe him when he says that he's severed all ties with her.... (well, I've heard that before). I can tell he's changed and he's done so much for me and our marriage in the last two weeks.... but I just can't seem to let my guard down either or quit being so suspicious- I think I'm just to dang scared to get hurt again. But you would think if wh was serious about working on our marraige that he's be completely open to getting coipies of his cell phone bills, if I asked, right?- but I can't help wondering if that will really satisfy my supsciouns?

I wish wh would go to counceling, but that isn't an option... he won't go.

I'm sorry, I guess I wasn't much help... but I just wanted you to know you're not alone....

---------------
BS 27
WH 30
Married: 8 years
Children: 3 and 1.5 and one on the way
d-day (EA) 6/7/04
Recommence NC 6/28/04

<small>[ July 09, 2004, 03:31 PM: Message edited by: Doing His will ]</small>

Doing His will ,
HI thanks for writing. i can understand how you feel. Last Septemeber my h had looked me in the eye everyday and told me he no longer contacted her etc. but when the phone bill came he had called 3-4 more times ad ay.. the hole month. so i made him leave. i do agree that his actions are different this time and i think he knows better then to call her from his personal cell phone ever again i also know there is no unaccounted time when hes at work or anything like that. but like i said i have no clue sa to whether or not he is emailing her or if she is calling him while hes at work once she gets off. its so hard to be in plan A when i am so suspiouis. thanks for your post