I want to tell him that time is wasting - to wake up while there is still a chance to be a family.

I want to tell him , come home, just come home...

Wake up baby!
There is nothing a family can't overcome if we are all committed.
Once upon a time we were deeply in love and with patience and reasonable steps we can regain that love.
Honesty and committment is what we need.

Lets be do our best to ensure 10 years from now we can look back and say I'm proud of my decisions and I stood for something admirable.

i really feel for ya iwish i had the courage to tell my wife that but i`m really scared for a negitive answer i don`t want to here the worst,why don`t you tell him to come home and there is still hope?

I told my WW all this when I first learned of the A, now she's in withdrawal and extremely detached. Time is the hardest thing right now. My WW said "I feel this way now but I don't know how I'm going to feel in 3 months".
Excuse my friggin language but sorry sister you don't get 3 damned months to walk around Zombiefied...I'm not that STRONG...sowwieeeee.

The way I feel now, she needs to get her butt on this site and start learning what it takes to be a real W! The welcome mat has been out so long it's killing me, but since I just came upon MB and started learning the rules of recovery and Plan A I must discount the last year and a half. I have come to realize I was a barrage of LB's and EN's..I think:

1 LB = 2 Lovebank Deposits
and loud crazy where the heck yah goings!!!
are worth 3 lovebank deposits

I've been an excellent Father and a good Husband the problem is my LB's made OM and that lifestyle seem more attractive....live and learn..if all else fails I'll be a good catch one day. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ July 10, 2004, 01:20 AM: Message edited by: FamilyMatters ]</small>

I want to say...

When I'm angry:

Sparrow, you think you aren't the kind of person who has affairs, and so that must mean this affair must be right. But you are exactly the kind of person who has affairs.

You have a negligent character that needs fixing. You are willing to do harm to the one you promised to love all your life, to a stranger, to a child, and to an unborn child, all in search of your own happiness. But true happiness will never be yours if you give up your very soul trying to find it.

When I'm generous:

Sparrow, I know you are hurting. Let me hold you and protect you and forgive you so the pain can go away.

Tonight:

Sparrow, I believe in you.

GC

Mine is more like Family Matters reply, I want to say, "would you wake up and see your family needs you, I need you." "Get your a@# in gear and get on with the program." But, those are just feelings. My problem too was the LB. Who knows how many times my W wanted to tear into me when I was in my LB mode and rip me a new one. I wish she had ripped me a new one, it would've hurt a lot less than this crap.

I wanted these words to sink in so many times before...but they never did. I look back at my faithfulness, my belief in him, and I think about how one day he will realize what a dumb thing he has done, and how much he lost in me. Unfortunately, IF it is ever articulated by him, and that is a BIG IF, it will be too late for me.

With the most utmost calm and respect:

"I know that you having been looking for something in your life. You feel a hole in your heart, and you think she filled it, therefore, this thing that you are doing is right and meant for you.

Did you ever stop to think that the hole is a God sized hole, and you will never be able to fill it, with romantic love, financial accomplishments, anything else but God? And this fit, this fulfillment you think you feel now, is exagerated and inflated, but eventually will slip through that hole too, taking with it a small chunck of your pride, your integrity, and your soul, leaving the hole even bigger. And God will be standing here, ready to fill you, with love, shaken up, pressed down, and running over. Forget for a moment our family, our marriage. I really hope and pray you realize this one truth soon. Because Satan has you fooled, and he comes only to lie, steal, kill and destroy. And it concerns me that he is slowly destroying you. I wish you would realize this truth, and at the very least know the peace and love that comes from God.

And what do you think is a better barometer of real love? Someone who loves you when it is easy, when you are presenting all the "right" things, saying only the things that make you seem smart and clever and sensitive, putting up this perfect front, this fake fascade. Or is TRUE love when someone loves you when they catch a glimpse of you in the most evil, selfish, destructive act of your life? When they love you despite the pain, hurt, betrayal and loss? When they have seen your shining moments, and have seen the ugly, ugly, ugly evil in you, and have had the opportunity for one ever so slight moment, to maybe remotely feel how Christ felt, where He saw our evil, felt the pain deep in His heart as a result, and STILL chose to forgive and love us. I loved you in spite of the blackness."

I've always had a really big problem with keeping my mouth shut. So instead of wishing I'd said alot of things....I just said them. Some worked for me and some didn't.

My H would ask me to just give up. Quit living in a fantasy land thinking that we were going to get back together.
My response: I'm not the one living in a fantasy land, believe me...reality has hit hard for me. If the OW is so great then why do you keep running back to me?

He would tell me to go on a date. Find some nice guy to share my time with.
My response: I used to have a nice guy to share my time with. It doesn't seem to have worked out...actually it's ended up in the worst possible situation that could have happened. YOU'VE ruined that for me...and every relationship I may have with any other man at this point.

Actually my H and I were headed for divorce. He rarely ever brought it up....but I was on the verge of filing so I went on a date.
My H was the one that couldn't handle it.

It's one thing not to LB.....but to not make them mad defending yourself or telling the truth is another.

My H also said....I can't stand to look at you, listen to you talk...just can't stand to be around you.
My response: Get over it....I'm not going anywhere. We have 3 daughters...each and every one of them just like me which is what you used to love most about them. Are you going to tell me now that you can no longer stand to look at them, listen to them talk, be around them?

His response: No...that is different.

My response: Well...just get used to it. The older they get the more like me they will be. And no matter where you go....I'll be a part of your life whether you or the OW like it. If it involves the girls...it involves me.

4 years ago I was a person that would let everyone walk all over me. I was the person that was always trying to make peace between everyone else. I never said no to anyone.

Now...I can say no.
I don't let people walk all over me and as for making peace....well...if it doesn't involve me...then I stay out of it.

I'm sure that I left a trail of LB's from Indiana to California and back, but it's one of the things that my H now says he loves about me.....not knowing when to shut my mouth....especailly if it's something I feel strongly about.

Serendipity, you took the words right out of my mouth.. mmmphhhhhhtttt.

They say the WS all have the same lines, could it be true for the BS also?

Oh and finally read your Mojo thread.

<small>[ July 19, 2004, 09:30 AM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

Today the anger set in and I wanted to tell him:

It's easy for you to act like we're just friends but it really hurts to feel rejected by the man I love everyday and it hurts that I have to keep my emotions in so that I won't upset you...

I wanted to ask him why he doesn't ever call me on Thursdays (the night he sees the OW at work) and I want to tell him that it makes me angry that he left me, that he changed all of his passwords yet still has access to my things on our joint accounts(cell phone/bank), that he keeps spending money and tells me he can't ever help me out with any.

I want to tell him that I'm angry at myself for loving him even though what he's done makes me feel like crap. I'm angry that I have had to change my life completely and he's not having a problem going on with his as it always was and that it hurts that he doesn't want me anymore.

I want to ask him if he's still talking to OW on the phone and why she is still going to classes that she didn't pay for.

I also want to tell him that I've just about given up. I don't feel like I can do this anymore and I just wanted him to give us a chance.

I guess the biggest thing I want to ask him is how he could hurt me so much and not want to even try repairing things. What did I do that was so awful that he's making me go through this.

<small>[ July 10, 2004, 11:34 AM: Message edited by: ivoryivy ]</small>

Fla Man,

Well, from one Floridian to another (Tampa Bay resident myself)...we live in a virtual paradise. Too bad our marital lives are a glimpse of hell! There could be worse things. We could live in WI, or worse yet, MI (just kidding... little inside joke).

I think you are right, we do tend to have a lot of the same thoughts on our minds. That is what makes this site so awesome. I felt like a total loner outsider going through this in the onset, now I feel like I am facing things pretty normally.

And as for your comment, about me being introspective and interesting...thanks, I think! Not sure if that is a compliment or not <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ July 14, 2004, 04:57 PM: Message edited by: 1Fla Man ]</small>

Hi SerendipiT & 1FlaMan,

I'm just across "the bridge" from SerendipiT. We could all get together and exchange "horror" stories...maybe brainstorm a book. Certainly have enough material to match Stephen King's best!

LOL Ron, certainly sounds like we have similar WW when it comes to the internet

{{{SerendipiT}}},

That was beautiful.

He will wake up one day, and you will say this to him.

Mine too.

Soon.