WH and I went back and forth on e-mail today regarding time he will take off for the baby when he/she is born (he has had to fight his company for this time). In one message he sent the following:

"I am not saying anything else to them. According to FMLA, I only need to give them 30 days notice. I have no clue what I want to do. It depends on a lot of things. I do think that 6 weeks right after the birth makes sense. Even if we don't get back together, I think it would be good to be around the baby and help you out after the baby is born. There are still a lot of unanswered questions between the two of us. I just hope that if we don't get back together, you will be okay with me being around you and the baby."

He then said he wanted to stop by to drop off cat litter tonight so I invited him for dinner and he accepted. The question is what do I do if he opens up the R discussion? I can't tell where his head is based on this e-mail and honestly I don't know if I'll be o-k having him around when the baby gets here if we are not together. But what choice do I have? I need to do what is best for the baby not me, and it is best for the baby to have both a mother and a father. The way I see if I have the following choices:

1. Give him a copy of SAA and ask him to read
2. Ask him to come here to read and post
3. See if he will go to a MC
4. Do nothing, just listen to what he has to say

Any advice?

Do nothing. Don't push him away with any relationship talk. Let him bring up the subject if wants, but don't you bring it up. And whatever you do, don't give him any books or try to educate him.

kloe,

I agree with Melody. Don't bring up relationship talks...respond HONESTLY if he asks you something making your statements about YOU. No educating spouses allowed. Here are some suggestions for statements:

I want to do what's best for the baby. If the affair is ongoing, it will be too painful for me to see you, but I will agree to some visitation so that our child has both a father and mother. I know in my heart, the best thing for children is to have their mother and father together, so I continue to pray that you will end the affair and come with me to marriage counseling in an effort to do that. You are my husband, please understand that it would just be too painful for me to substitute that with a friendship. I must do what's good for the baby....but I also must do what is good for me.

I have no idea if the A is still going on and I don't know how I find out. He never talks about it with me, one way or the other. I don't know which is worse, not knowing or not having WS care if you know. Do I come right out and ask?

Ooooh. I saw this too late. Please let us know what happened.

Nothing much happened. He came over, had dinner and we watched the first round of the all-star home run durby. Before he left he briefly asked if I thought he should take off the six weeks right after the baby is born. I told him it would be crazy not to since he would get full pay during this time and not have to use vacation. I didn't say I was or was not alright spending this time with him if we weren't together, because he didn't ask. He didn't bring up any R talk so I didn't either.

So things continue. He did take a stack of movies with him, said their wasn't anything else to do at his Mom's house. I still don't know if he is still seeing OW. He doesn't act like he is when he is around me, but who knows.

Well, sounds like the evening went well. Glad it happened that way. Take care of yourself.