just thinking about you and wondering how you are doing. i'm sure you're doing okay or you would let us know, prayers to you.

RR, I've been thinking of you too. I just said a prayer for you and your WH. I hope that things will go smooth this week and GOD will soften WH's heart. I may call you later depending on the schedule.

well as you can see i tried to start another thread for you and it almost fell off the forum <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> i'm glad you did see it and i did read your update on your other thread. i actually thought about calling you over the weekend but i wasn't sure what the time zone was in canada. unfortunately right now my phone is out of commission. the phone people have not come out and buried the phone lines for going on 3 weeks now and my landlord hit the cable on sunday when he was mowing the lawn. but who knows maybe the phone people came out today and fixed everything, that remains to be seen.

i'm glad things are going well for you in canada. i know, we all know, about the dreams. like i said before i seemed to be having them a lot more lately. but now anytime i have an image come in my mind that i don't want, i just say "Lord keep me focused on you, keep me focused on you" i just keep saying it over and over. this morning i got up at 5am and read my bible and prayed whereas i used to do it when i got to work. but when i was done i went back to bed for 30 minutes because i had basically woke up around 2am and didn't really go back to sleep. i want to try to start my days off w/God before i do anything and it's going to be an adjustment to get up early. i tried to go to bed earlier, i was in bed by 8:15pm but it took awhile for me to get to sleep, had to get up to go to the bathroom, and then just didn't sleep well. of course things are going to change even more when the dogs are here but i guess i wouldn't expect any less if i had kids.

if my sleep doesn't get better, i will talk to my doctor about getting something to help me sleep. i have an appt on 8/18 already that i made in feb for my annual exam.

i bought some books and a cassette today from Dr. dobson's website family.org the books are: "living w/your husband's secret wars" "the giving marriage" and "a woman who hurts, a God who heals" the cassette is called "the Christian woman's search for self esteem/building your mate's self esteem" Hoping that those will help me focus more and not worry about things i can't control. i have plenty of time to read the books, i just need to do that instead of watch TV. i should get the stuff in about a week. i'll let you know if they are good or not.

again, it sounds like you are doing really well in canada despite circumstances being what they are and i hope the rest of the time you are there is just as good and it will give you what you need in order to deal w/things when you get back. when do you go back to work? when do the kids go back to school? save your energy LH and just do the best you can, when you can, and for as long as you can and remember that God loves you and will provide for you and has you in his arms, always. prayers to you.

double post, computer too slow

<small>[ July 20, 2004, 04:03 PM: Message edited by: roughroad ]</small>

Lostnhurt,
I've been looking for your posts and figure that your H is still in the fog and you are looking at being able to enjoy your life without him, if he stays in the fog. Hope that's the case --
Cherished

Dear friends, thank you for your posts.

I prayed and thank GOD the first thing when i woke up in the morning everyday. I know what you mean RR. Maybe getting yourself very tired will help you to sleep, or try LL's remedy, take benedryl and Xenax together. I know that half of a Xenax will knock me off, one pill will make me very drowsy.

I am still having good time here. Basically to keep myself busy everyday, so much to do, so much to discover. I just found out that the community center was about 10 minutes walking distance away, it has a big pool with slide, library, ice arean and a 24 hr McDonald's. Well, I have a car to drive too.

Yesteray, I also went for a foot massage which only cost $20 for 45 minutes. I need to build up my energy here to fight for whatever when I go back home. I planed to go 7/31. B/c D has orthodontics appointment at 8/2, and she also needs to be seen again by the Dr. in the family center, then she is ready to go to her mucis camp on 8/11. The kids school will start at 8/26, mine will be after labor day. Cherished, how are your kids doing and how is the program going?

RR, the time here is estern time. I usually have trouble using the phone in the evenings, b/c ny brother will be online for the whole evening. But I can try weekends if we are not going out. My brother always wants to entertain us in the weekends when he is off.

This afternoon, D and I will be watching the musical show Hairspray, we will also spend sometime in downtown TOronto. Friday evening I will go to Bible study. I am trying to focus on GOD and have him steer my life.

Believer, LL, and all other friends, I miss you guys. I just do have as much conveniece as at home to check on everything here. I hope everything goes well on you. Prayers for all of you.

Lostnhurt - Oh there you are. Glad you are having fun. Keep busy and rest up. You deserve it. Everything is the same with me. But I'm enjoying the summer, the beach, and fishing.

roughroad - Benedryl alone works for me to sleep. I take 2 at bedtime and now (finally) sleep all night. My doctor suggested it.

I am praying for all of you ladies. So far it doesn't seem to be working, but maybe you will at least win the lottery.

We went to see Hair Spray yesterday. It was a good show, but the music was not as good as Mama Mia. Both me and DD enjoyed. Downtown Toronto was hard to drive and expensive to park. But I did it.

Well, when we came back home, it was a mess. There was tentent rented bother's basement(with different doors and basement was completed with bathroom and kitchen and 2 bedroom). I already heard of the story about the tentants when I came, but didn't relized it was so bad. When I came home, I heard screaming, yelling and crying. SIL was down there. Then she told me that this lady wanted to suicide, 2 letters were already written. I went down and she sat on the bathroom floor crying and talking to her H on the phone a 3 year old girl was wandering around. The H already left them. I don't know the detail, but she said that if you still treat me like this, I am going to die. SIL was so scared. I calmed this lady down and pat her in the back. SIL said whether she need to call police and asked the H on the phone, the H said go ahead. I said that we should see what is going on. Finally, her sister came and took her and the girl. We came back up for our dinner, it was almost 9pm. What a night.

SIL was really worried. She was afraid that this lady will die in here house or will harm the kids. SHe told me that this lady drinks a lot and smokes too, she and her H always fight. I just feel so sad and tired. I really don't know what her problem is, but I wish there will be a chance I can tell her this website. But if she is not stable, I don't know how much it would help.

TOday, I took brother's car to the dealer for a minor fix, he said that I need to take all the kids with me b/c of the situation down there, so I went with 4 kids. But it was ok.

Why are there so many M problem in our society? What went wrong?

I've been feeling so well untill about 30 min ago.

WH called and said friend S and i will come to TOronto tonight, do you have a place for us to stay? I said I need to ask bother. He said, ok, you don't have to, we are going to book the hotel and hung up. I felt so strange and wanted tp know whether he would want to see the kids, whether I should let brother and the kids know he is here. So I called him back.

He said, I am booking hotel, I don't need to beg you. I said you are not begging me for anything, it is reasonable to ask brother that whether your friend can stay, but I am not talking about that. I would like to know how long you will be here and when you want to see the kids. He said, I don't know, don't bother me, I am booking hotel and hung up again. So I called home, he was there. This time I was mad. I said why did you hang up the phone, he said I have nothing to say. I said I do, I havn't finished talking yet, it is not polite what you you did. What is your problem? You don't want to see me is fine, don't you want to see the kids? He said I do, then should I wait for you at home or can I go out? I need to plan. He said that I am not going to bother you.

I was so upset. I didn't cry for a long time, but I couldn't hold up my tear now. This WS is too much, my heart is broken again.

Yikes lostnhurt - stick to your boundaries. You are doing very well.

LNH,

I'm just catching up on things with you. I haven't been on as much this week. Up until your last post on here, it sounded like things were going very well and like you were starting to relax and live again. (Except for that really scary incident with the tenant!)

I have no business suggesting Plan B here because you know as does everyone else that I haven't done one yet. But truly, you sounded so much better when you weren't talking to your WH.

Now you hear from him, and he's hurtful, and you're back feeling rotten again. (Although in my experience, the "low" feelings don't last as long as they did in months past.)

Don't try and figure him out--you can't!. It's just my WH trying to convince me that it was MY fault that he had to move OW in with him to help pay rent. I let myself think too much about it every now and then and start to wonder, "Should I have let him come back home? Maybe if I would have..." But I know that's garbage!

They're in their own little la-la land right now. We have to remind ourselves of this. I don't even think they realize they are hurting us. It doesn't make sense.

My WH hasn't called me in several days now. His calls and texts have been few and far between since he got his insurance settlement for his truck last month.

Sometimes I still think of old times and my heart really misses him. And then I look around and say, "But LL, you've been by yourself since February when WH moved out (earlier, if I count when he started staying away for days at a time) and you're still alive. You're doing okay."

LNH, you're doing okay, too. Look back to how long you've been doing this. You're still hanging in there, and you're sounding MUCH better than you did a few months ago. You're getting stronger.

LL

Lostnhurt, I think part of the reason for Plan B is that the WS is TRYING to find a reason for blaming his behavior on you. He doesn't want to take responsiblity for his behavior, he wants to blame you, and he'll try anything to do it.

When you return, be ready for Plan B. I think it is a very good sign that he is trying so hard to blame you. If he was really gone, he wouldn't care.

Cherished

Thank you, my friends, I know that this borad gave me all the support I can have. I feel guilty that I was not able to support others like Believer.

Last evening after I finished typing the message, brother and SIL came home. I told them that I didn't want to have dinner, but I did prepare the dinner for them. I was getting ready for a fellowship. I didn't tell them about WH. But the phone rang, it was a mutual friend of WH and brother. They asked about WH's phone cell number and said he had left. They offerd for them to stay. SIL was not happy about what they said and told me that if WH wants to stay, he should be here. I told them the story, they didn't say anything. I know that they didn't like WH's behavior. But I left for the fellowship.

The message in fellowship was how to be the winner in the family life. The answer is that let Christ to be the Lord. It was a good one and it fitted to my situation too. I really thank GOD to bring me there. I forgot about WH and the upset didn't last very long. I came home at about 10:30pm and had a good night sleep.

This morning, none of us expect anything, kids didn't know WH was in town. We all thought that he would be just leave without showing up. BUt at 9:30am, the door bell rang, you know sho showed up. SIL said why didn't you stay here. WH said your sister said I couldn't stay! What kind of twist. I didn't say anything. They I saw him brought a little grocery bag and asked him what it was. Can any of you guess what he brought?

It was the hair cut tool set! His hair was getting long, you all know that both S and he never wanted to have anyone else to touch their hair, he came all the way here and wanted me to cut his hair! In Chinese, we call this knid of shameless person: thick face skin.

SO I gave him a hair cut, and had S's hair cut too. It is very inexpensive for them to have hair cut here: $6 Canadian. But S refused to go, and WH didn't want that either. I will do a Plan B and he would have to have someone else cut his hair.

After going out to lunch, he came back with us and is taking a nap now. The only thing I can think off is THICK FACE SKIN.

After I booted my H out of the house, he came back to use the clippers. LAME EXCUSE to be there, that's what it is. Your H is DESPARATE. Reality is sinking in. If it hasn't sunk in by the time you leave Toronto, Plan B may well do it.

Cherished

hey Lost, just getting caught up on your last few posts. glad to hear that things are still going well for you in canada. even w/the situation w/the suicidal tennant, you handled it and yourself very well and that's because of all you've learned.

as for your H, well he truly is getting mean! and to drive all the way up there for a haircut! for goodness sake, that would really be funny if that's the reason the PBL worked, because he missed getting his haircut. well, i think you can kind of see the humor in that. anyway, he is doing everything possible to blame you and make you feel bad and he has absolutely NO CAUSE for this. you haven't given him any reason and that's so good and shows how far you have truly come. i am so proud of you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

God sends things our ways because his plan and will are perfect. sounds like the fellowship you had friday night was just what you needed at that time, isn't God good? i got lazy saturday night and sunday morning and didn't pray my prayer that i ususally start and end the day with. all the way home from church on sunday afternoon, i had stopped by burger kind and gotten something to eat and as you know i listen to that radio network that has all the Christian programs on it. well on my way home from burger king a message by Dr. Charles Stanley was on and it was about prayer. it talked about asking for things in the Lord's name and how we don't know what God has prepared for us and that he ALWAYS answers our prayers. that even though we have needs and desires and pray w/out ceasing that God is taking the time to prepare us for his answer to our prayer. that anytime we don't feel like praying then that is the time we need to pray the most. even if we feel like we are praying too much that we still need to do it because that's what God wants. so needless to say it is what i needed to hear. i need to work harder at not letting my sleepiness get in the way of my prayer life. i took down the tape # to that message and i'm going to order a copy of it to listen to.

my H can't leave florida until december because of school so maybe this means that God is going to use this time to prepare me and my H for what lies ahead. the same could be said of your situation and what God is doing for you to prepare you for what lies ahead. going to canada was the best thing that could have happened to you right now and God knew and planned that. absorb all the energy you can so that you have what you need for when you get back and so you will continue to be the mom that your children will need for you to be.

continued strength and prayers to you, RR

PS my phone is working again and thanks for letting me know the time in canada, if we happened to miss each other i'll just know you are out taking care of you and your family!

I am tired. Tired with WH's attitude, and DD's attitude.

Sat after lunch, WH was sleeping for the whole afternoon. WE had planned to go to a small town for a walk, he didn't go with us, instead sleeping. That was very beautiful down with Eraupean style sidewalk cafe on the raod and a lot of flowers, by the end of the town, there is a big lake with lots of water fowls and trails around. The kids had fun. I just felt a little lost without a loved one to share with such beautiful scence. THen by evening, we called back, WH just woke up, we had to pick him up for lunch. He left to the hotel after lunch and have not heard since. But no one missed him anyway.

SUn morning, I took the kids to the church. After church, we went to b-b-q. Kids were swimming. But D was very very fuzzy. She first said that she didn't want to go, then was not happy when we were there. When we came home finally, she was being mean to her brother and cousins. SHe ruined there played city and refused to say sorry. Later, at dinner time, her cousin called her for dinner, she was so mean and said not to bother her. I told her to apologize to cousin. SHe said no, I did nothing wrong and started crying and scream and yelling. She kept saying I hate you. My mom doesn't like me. I was getting really angry. It really upset me.

This morning, I called WH about a credit card bill. I also asked him when he planed to come over next weekend to pick up us. He maybe Sat, maybe SUn. I said why. He said : Didn't you say no place to saty, you have to ask your brother? I was really angry, but didn't say anything. WHy do they have to twist things? I just don't see how I can live with this guy anymore. Maybe DV is the only solution. I just felt down, down, down.

lostnhurt - Wow. Your WH is really stubborn. I don't know what is up with him.

Hope you will keep on keeping on. Try to have fun with your kids, and rest up.

My situation is the same. WH called last night and said he would come over and talk to me tonight about sorting things out. Then today he called me while I was still at work, and said since I wasn't home (he knew I was still at work), that he would be over in a couple of days.

This is all getting very old.

Believer, I miss all of you. I know your story is getting old, mine too. Did your husdand ever discuss the important issues with you?

I really don't want to go back home. I would feel lonely at home. Not only lonely, I iwll feel hurt. But time is coming. I will need a lot pf support when I go back. WH is becoming meaner and meaner now.

lostnhurt -

Sorry no good news here. My WH is deeper and deeper into the fog. I don't trust him at all. He thinks he is moving back into our home in 2 days, still seeing the OW.

He left me another letter today, telling me how it is all my fault. He says that he was going to get rid of OW so many times, but I would not take him back. He blames it all on me.

From the start I have told him that I love him and want our marriage, but OW has to be gone. But she never is gone.

Hope you are doing well, and your kids. Do not give up. I am praying for you and family.

Believer, I am praying for you too.

Today, I was listening to a tape on messages about JOB. It said that our suffering is to glorify GOD. I hope that is the case.