Well, she came and took a few things. Not all the stuff. She isn't moving to CA anymore. One day around her aunt was enough. Glad in a way and not in another because she plans on living at OM's house for a while. Talked about signing a year lease. F-ing A that drove me nuts inside! But kept it in. She seemed fine this time. I tried hard to stick to plan A well and mostly did. The only thing I did was say bad things about OM. I said his arrogance made me mad the most. The fact that he moved her in when I knew where he lived. I said that he is really lucky to be alive. I couldn't resist, but never said anything directed towards her. I don't know if that was a major mistake or what. Kept my emotions in and tried to act happy the best I could. I asked her if the fact that he was planning to be a doctor the main thing that attracted her to him. She said no, but it is nice that he has goals. That cut deep. I did have some goals, but focused on paying for her schooling at the time first. Just let out a few screams after she left. She is coming again Thursday night to get more stuff. Man, I hate this!!!

Juke,

Sorry for your pain but you keep listening to her babble and it just hurts you. When are you going to find the strength to stop that endless cycle?

R U still paying for her schooling?

L.

How do I plan A and stop the cycle? maybe I should stop talking to her all together. No she is paying for school and so broke that she is selling her share of the furniture to pay for it.

The less you talk or interact with her while she is in the fog, the less pain you will have. Then you can save up your strength so that when you do have to interact with her, you can handle it.

In plan A, it is better limit R talk. The tendency for the BS to want to talk it out is strong because the BS is kept in the dark on the A activities. Yet detailed knowledge of the A maybe more than you can emotionally handle right now.

Do you know of things you can be working on for you in the meantime?

L.

And, Juke, doing your best to understand your WW's state of mind and how she got there should protect you from being hurt so much by these things. I know in my case, the words and deeds injure me a little, but I'm also dismissive of them to an extent, and it protects my love for my WW. Not totally, and not permanently, but it helps.

I feel I may be reaching a place where I don't care so much how my WW responds to everything, but instead I just do my best and no matter how she responds I'm secure in the knowledge that I'm doing my best.

Just do your best to be the person you need to be, plan A and smile while you swallow buckets of sh*t for as long as you can, and learn where the limits to your power are. And then, in the end, no matter what happens, your soul is INTACT.

GC

Juke - You did just fine. Yes it is very painful, but you are getting stronger.

Don't take the fogtalk personally.

It is very good that she is broke and selling her half of the furniture. Let her continue to march.

Oh yeah. Another thing I noticed was that she definately is smoking pot at least. She reaked of it when she came over and her eyes were glossy and red etc. It's weird because when I met OM months ago he talked about how much he hates drug use (though he is a total alcoholic). That could have just been a lie, but I don't know. I know that his other roommate is a pothead.