I am so depressed right now. Today hasn't been too bad. The best since D day last week perhaps. She has slipped into 2 or 3 sad gazes but no real LBs today and even a smile or two.

She's going to our holiday home with her sister and both sets of kids at the weekend. I think she needs to confide in someone about the crap we're in. I can't stop her of course, and even if I am there if she wants to contact the OM she can.

Trouble is I am so worried. She wasn't with this OM long enough to learn any of his bad habits, nor did he have to perform any domestic chores or work during his time with her. Down our holiday home all she will remember of HIM is (probably) wild sex (which she is CERTAIN was real love) during their last found out session last Tuesday, while I have been cleaning pet mess offa the garden which has been neglected a little this past week (unsurprisingly).

How can I EVER win that contest ? How can she EVER love me again ? Its all so hopeless.....

Still, we have a family day at an amusement park tomorrow, I will try to be everything she will miss if she leaves me to her and the kids.

Its a bad, scary hour this is. I hope to GOD life improves soon. My heart can't take much more.

<small>[ July 28, 2004, 12:40 PM: Message edited by: Bob Pure ]</small>

Bob - we validate your feelings. We know it sucks.

Please consider seeing a Doc about getting on anti-depressants.

It will get better, I promise.

How can she ever love you again? I doubt she has stopped loving you. But, even if she has, she didn't love you before she met you, right?

She may have been convinced that what she was feeling was love for OM. Let her have this fantasy for now. But in actuality, what she was feeling was that she loved the way he made her feel. See the difference? Think of OM like a drug. Do druggies love the drug, or love the way it makes them feel?

Don't try to compete with these feelings. Your goal, via Plan A, is to remind her of real love and lure her off the drug.

Find the book, "Private Lies" by Frank Pittman. I believe it's the next step beyond "Surviving an Affair."

WAT

<small>[ July 28, 2004, 01:27 PM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

Bob,
I know how you feel. I'm in the same boat right now. My H just ended his A last Monday. It's all still new and fresh. He's moved out and now staying with his brother. He says he loves me but not in love with me. He says it's more of a duty love. We've been married 14 yrs. and have an 8 yr. old son. I'm trying Plan A right now. VERY hard!!!! I just want my marriage to be ok. I'm here if you need to talk. I could use the support also.
God Bless!

WAT is correct.

You should not try to compete with her current feelings for the OM. And rest assured, given time and the extraordinary precautions, those feelings will wane.

An affair is like a diet made up of foods from the snack bar at a movie theatre. Sweet, heady, gives you a sugar rush, then you crash and need another "hit" of soda or Dove bars. It's not healthy, and you certainly can't live on it forever.

Committed love is like a healthy, balanced diet. BUT--one that can (and should) include servings of chocolate and other treats. Too many times, we let our marriage relationship become a boring diet of nothing but utilitarian broccoli and bean spouts, and forget to include a rich, juicy plum or a glass of fine wine.

Strive to be the main course, Bob Pure. Eventually, if she's smart, she'll get sick of the junk food.

I got Cipramil from my doctor yesterday. Gonna take a day or two to kick in. Meanwhile I am nice and nauseous. Wow the joy of life huh ? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Thanks for your care all.
I still have no hope right now..